Infestation

The operatives exited the vans wearily. It had been a tough mission-- four days in the woods, crawling around in the mud, hanging with the bugs. At least they had found and contained their targets, a violent militia group.

Jeff sighed. His skin itched and all he wanted to do was take a shower and crash in the nearest bed and sleep for a week.

The van access hallway was jammed with bodies, at least twenty men in field gear were milling around or leaning against the walls. No one was going anywhere.

"Don't know, exactly," Bill answered. "It's some kind of stupid security check, a search, I think.."

"Shit" Jeff swore. "What do they think we did, steal acorns from the squirrels, or something?"

"Listen up, people!" called a feminine voice from the front of the group. It was Linda, one of the two female operatives that had been on the mission. The other woman had been Nikita, who stood beside her.

The crowd hushed, and Linda went on. "I'm sorry about this, guys," the small red-head apologized. "But there may be an enemy in our midst.."

The men quieted further, their whole attention on Linda. Some of the operatives looked warily at each other.

"An enemy that will latch onto you, burrow under your skin and suck your blood, leaving you sick and diseased..." Linda continued.

The men laughed, their tension easing. "What the hell are you talking about?" Jeff called out.

Linda smiled ruefully. "I'm talking about ticks, guys. Nasty little bugs. Nikita and I are going to check each of you before you get in the shower.."

Walter grinned from where he stood leaning against the wall. "Hey, this should be good. Where does the line start?"

She indicated a screened area to her right, with another screened alcove next to it.

"Enter here," Linda instructed. "Strip down to your undies, and then in the next cubicle Nikita and I will find and remove any ticks from your bodies..."

The men laughed nervously. Linda shushed them and went on. "When we've cleared you, you can go on to the showers. Any questions?"

"Let me get this straight.." It was Greg, the Section smart-ass. "You girls are going to run your hands over me, looking for blood-engorged protruberances, is that it?"

"Yes, Honey, that's it," said Linda sweetly. "And if we find any.."

"Yeah, Babe, what are going to do with it when you find it?" Greg said, leering.

Nikita grinned. She held up a large pair of tweezers. "We'll yank it out by the roots and plunge it into a vat of gasoline until it stops twitching."

Not surprisingly, there were none. Subdued, the men lined up silently as they were told.

"Thanks, Nikita," said Linda gratefully. "It seems you know how to keep these animals in line."

The women were in position behind the screen, waiting for the operative disrobing in the adjacent cubicle to come out.

The curtain between the two cubicles parted and the almost naked operative stepped shyly before them.

It was Birkoff, wearing nothing but his glasses, a watch, and a pair of white cotton briefs. He blushed bright red.

"Sit here a minute," said Linda kindly. "I need to check your scalp first." She indicated a straight-backed chair set up in the cubicle.

Birkoff sat gratefully, crossing his hands over his lap. He kept his eyes lowered as the women examined him.

The women were tired and punchy, as well as nervous, like the men. Linda couldn't help herself. She decided to tease the young computer whiz, of whom she was quite fond.

"Oooohhh, look at that, Nikita," she said, loudly enough for the men on the other side of the screen to hear. "I never knew our little Birkoff was so BIG!"

Linda finished scanning the furiously blushing Birkoff. "O.K., Darling, you can go, but I want to see you in private later, all right?"

Birkoff fled. He grabbed his clothes and clutched them against him as he practically ran from the cubicle. He emerged to face the audience of grinning men.

Walter gave Birkoff a thumbs up from the his place in line. "You done good, Kid!" he told him, smiling.

"Hey, this isn't so bad," commented Linda, as the last operative they examined left the cubicle.

Nikita grinned. "I've sure had worse assignments, that's for sure..."

The women giggled. They had seen all kinds of bodies in the last twenty minutes- tall and short, pale-skinned and dark....

"The roughest was that red-head, Bill," said Linda. "I thought I had a tick that time, for sure... How was I supposed to know it was a freckle?"

Nikita patted her arm sympathetically. "Don't beat yourself up. He only screamed a little bit. I'm sure he'll forgive you someday.."

"You think?" said Linda. "Do you think Greg will forgive me, too?"

The women collapsed into helpless giggling again. The smart-mouthed Greg had learned about pay-back, BIG-TIME. Nikita and Linda had carried on a loud discussion about Greg's size, or lack of it, while they examined him.

Linda had guffawed loudly and said, "DAMN, I've seen ticks bigger than that!"

Then Nikita had poked her head out of the cubicle and looked at their resident equipment specialist.

"Walter, we need your help," she told him straight-faced. "Do have any EXTRA-small tweezers?"

Linda recovered from her giggles and leaned toward Nikita, sighing. "You know who I'd really like to check out, don't you?"

"Michael, that's who." Linda sighed again. "I'd love to run my fingers through all that gorgeous hair. I'd love to examine every inch of smooth skin.."

She paused, a disturbing thought occuring to her. "You don't think he has any freckles anywhere, do you?"

Nikita thought back to the night on the boat. "No," she said dreamily. "No freckles. He's absolutely flawless from head to toe..." She saw Linda looking at her curiously. "Or so I imagine, I mean.." Nikita added hastily.

"Yeah," said Linda. "Michael's so perfect. I'd sure love to check him out in all his glory. And I don't mean for tick-bites, either..."

The curtain parted and the man they had been discussing stepped out.

"Michael!" squealed Linda. It was her turn to blush furiously. She looked at the floor and the walls, anywhere but at him.

Besides his blank stare, his boxers were the only thing he wore. They were black silk and clung lovingly to his body, outlining his hard thighs and the treasures between them.

"Excuse me," squeaked out Linda. "I need to go crawl in a hole somewhere and die of embarrassment..."

Nikita gave a little moan and stepped forward into Michael's arms. They clutched each other in mutual need. Michael bent to kiss her, but her lips found his first. His head tilted back a bit from the force of her kiss.

He pulled her closer, pressing his body all along the length of hers. Her hands twisted and tangled in his hair, and his tongue tangled and twisted in her soft mouth.

Frantically, needing to touch him, to feel his skin beneath her hands, Nikita released the silky tendrils of his hair and caressed the hard muscles of his shoulders and back.

Her fingers roamed over him, exploring his perfect smoothness. But then she felt something against her hand that hadn't been there before...."Michael," she cried in a startled voice. "What's this big lump?"

"Lump?" he said, a little annoyed that she had stopped kissing him.

She grabbed his shoulders and turned him so she could see his back. Just above the the waist-band of his boxers a red swollen place marred the perfection of his muscular torso. Nikita looked closer and could see the reddish-brown body of a tick embedded in his skin.

"My God," she gasped. "This is serious. Let me help you with that."

Nikita rushed out of the cubicle and scanned the area for Linda. She didn't notice the large crowd of men staring at her, wide-eyed. Some of them had already been examined and had their showers, they had returned when they found out Michael had gone into the cubicle. Some of them hadn't been on the mission at all, but had gathered there anyway.

They had been listening intently to Michael and Nikita's exchange.

Oblivious, Nikita spotted Linda several feet away down the hallway and called to her. "Linda, please come back and help me with this. It's too big! I can't handle it alone!"

Linda could see Nikita's desperation and hurried toward her. Something was terribly wrong. She rushed back into the cubicle.

"Oh, God, you were right," gasped Linda when she saw Michael's back. "That's the largest one I've ever seen. It looks like it's going to explode," she said, eyeing the blood-swollen tick.

Inside the cubicle, Nikita offered Linda the tweezers. "Here," she said. "I'll hold him and you pull.."

Nikita held Michael by the waist to keep him still. Linda struggled to get a good grasp on the tick, but it was buried deep.

Linda sighed loudly in frustration. " It's so big, I'm having trouble keeping my grip..."

"Jesus," swore Greg, feeling incredibly inadequate. The word was spoken almost in reverence to Michael's largesse.

Walter elbowed him. "Can you be QUIET, little man, for God's sake!" he hissed.

Linda moaned. "If I pull any harder, I'm afraid I'll break it in half...."

Linda tried to extract the tick again. Michael grunted. "I can't get it to come!" she groaned.

"Nikita, please," begged Michael. He was getting frustrated with being scraped and pinched by the tweezers with no results.

Birkoff stood just beyond the cubicle listening, his mouth hanging open and his eyes glazed over.

"Give me that," Nikita said to Linda, taking the tweezers. "I'll get it to come..."

Nikita grasped the tick with the tweezers and pulled, grunting with the effort. The tick was still embedded.

"Yeah, isn't he something?" said Linda. An idea came to her. "Hey, why don't we try pulling at the same time?"

Linda grabbed another pair of tweezers. She positioned them on one side of the tick while Nikita used hers to grasp the other half of the insect.

"Oh, yeah, that's good, that's good," said Linda, pleased that they were nearing success.

Nikita gave a sigh of satisfaction. "We're almost there, I think..."

Michael groaned again, impatient. "Just do it, please! Do it hard and fast...." He wanted this ordeal to be over.

A moment passed. Nikita and Linda exchanged a look and a nod. Simultaneously they extracted the tick intact from Michael's skin.

"Aww, uhh, ohh, oui.... oui...." groaned out Michael, as the pain hit him and then subsided.

From behind the screen Michael emerged with Linda and Nikita on either side of him.

Michael, cool as ever, ignored the commotion and walked nonchalantly to the showers.

Nikita shrugged. "I dunno. I guess they really appreciated our efforts to help them, you think?"

Nikita spotted Greg in the crowd. Tears were running down his face.

Nikita looked at Walter. "What's wrong with Greg?" she whispered.

"It's O.K., Sugar. We'll take care of him..." Walter assured her.

He walked over to where Greg was standing with Jeff, Bill, Birkoff, and the others.

The men nodded in agreement and helped the blubbering Greg down the hall.

Linda and Nikita looked at each other. "Geez, what a baby! Imagine getting that stressed out about a lousy tick..." said Linda in amazement.


	Infestation By: Kyara Caledonii Copyright October 30, 1998 *All Rights Reserved. Story cannot be reprinted/reproduced without Kyara's permission.* * Just a little comedy for those who need a good laugh. * The operatives exited the vans wearily. It had been a tough mission-- four days in the woods, crawling around in the mud, hanging with the bugs. At least they had found and contained their targets, a violent militia group. Jeff sighed. His skin itched and all he wanted to do was take a shower and crash in the nearest bed and sleep for a week. The van access hallway was jammed with bodies, at least twenty men in field gear were milling around or leaning against the walls. No one was going anywhere. "Hey, what's the hold up?" Jeff asked the nearest operative. "Don't know, exactly," Bill answered. "It's some kind of stupid security check, a search, I think.." "Shit" Jeff swore. "What do they think we did, steal acorns from the squirrels, or something?" "Listen up, people!" called a feminine voice from the front of the group. It was Linda, one of the two female operatives that had been on the mission. The other woman had been Nikita, who stood beside her. The crowd hushed, and Linda went on. "I'm sorry about this, guys," the small red-head apologized. "But there may be an enemy in our midst.." The men quieted further, their whole attention on Linda. Some of the operatives looked warily at each other. "An enemy that will latch onto you, burrow under your skin and suck your blood, leaving you sick and diseased..." Linda continued. "Sounds like my ex-wife," said Bill. The men laughed, their tension easing. "What the hell are you talking about?" Jeff called out. Linda smiled ruefully. "I'm talking about ticks, guys. Nasty little bugs. Nikita and I are going to check each of you before you get in the shower.." Walter grinned from where he stood leaning against the wall. "Hey, this should be good. Where does the line start?" "Right here, Walter," answered Nikita. She indicated a screened area to her right, with another screened alcove next to it. "Enter here," Linda instructed. "Strip down to your undies, and then in the next cubicle Nikita and I will find and remove any ticks from your bodies..." The men laughed nervously. Linda shushed them and went on. "When we've cleared you, you can go on to the showers. Any questions?" "Let me get this straight.." It was Greg, the Section smart-ass. "You girls are going to run your hands over me, looking for blood-engorged protruberances, is that it?" There was more laughter, along with some cheering and howling. "Yes, Honey, that's it," said Linda sweetly. "And if we find any.." "Yeah, Babe, what are going to do with it when you find it?" Greg said, leering. The men howled and whistled again. Nikita grinned. She held up a large pair of tweezers. "We'll yank it out by the roots and plunge it into a vat of gasoline until it stops twitching." The men were silent, except for a few nervously cleared throats. "Any more questions?" she asked brightly. Not surprisingly, there were none. Subdued, the men lined up silently as they were told. *~~~~~~~~ "Thanks, Nikita," said Linda gratefully. "It seems you know how to keep these animals in line." Nikita smiled. "I'm happy to help. Who's first?" The women were in position behind the screen, waiting for the operative disrobing in the adjacent cubicle to come out. "Come on, we won't bite," called Linda. "Yeah, it's O.K.," added Nikita. "We won't hurt you too much.." The women giggled. The curtain between the two cubicles parted and the almost naked operative stepped shyly before them. It was Birkoff, wearing nothing but his glasses, a watch, and a pair of white cotton briefs. He blushed bright red. "Sit here a minute," said Linda kindly. "I need to check your scalp first." She indicated a straight-backed chair set up in the cubicle. Birkoff sat gratefully, crossing his hands over his lap. He kept his eyes lowered as the women examined him. The women were tired and punchy, as well as nervous, like the men. Linda couldn't help herself. She decided to tease the young computer whiz, of whom she was quite fond. "Oooohhh, look at that, Nikita," she said, loudly enough for the men on the other side of the screen to hear. "I never knew our little Birkoff was so BIG!" Birkoff looked up at her, startled. Nikita joined in the game. "Yeah, he's huge! My God.." she gasped, trying not to laugh. Linda finished scanning the furiously blushing Birkoff. "O.K., Darling, you can go, but I want to see you in private later, all right?" Birkoff fled. He grabbed his clothes and clutched them against him as he practically ran from the cubicle. He emerged to face the audience of grinning men. Walter gave Birkoff a thumbs up from the his place in line. "You done good, Kid!" he told him, smiling. The men cheered him all the way to the shower. ~~~~~~~ "Hey, this isn't so bad," commented Linda, as the last operative they examined left the cubicle. Nikita grinned. "I've sure had worse assignments, that's for sure..." The women giggled. They had seen all kinds of bodies in the last twenty minutes- tall and short, pale-skinned and dark.... "The roughest was that red-head, Bill," said Linda. "I thought I had a tick that time, for sure... How was I supposed to know it was a freckle?" Nikita patted her arm sympathetically. "Don't beat yourself up. He only screamed a little bit. I'm sure he'll forgive you someday.." "You think?" said Linda. "Do you think Greg will forgive me, too?" Nikita laughed. "Who cares?" The women collapsed into helpless giggling again. The smart-mouthed Greg had learned about pay-back, BIG-TIME. Nikita and Linda had carried on a loud discussion about Greg's size, or lack of it, while they examined him. "Are you cold, Honey?" Nikita had cooed sweetly. Linda had guffawed loudly and said, "DAMN, I've seen ticks bigger than that!" Then Nikita had poked her head out of the cubicle and looked at their resident equipment specialist. "Walter, we need your help," she told him straight-faced. "Do have any EXTRA-small tweezers?" Everyone but Greg had enjoyed that little exchange. Linda recovered from her giggles and leaned toward Nikita, sighing. "You know who I'd really like to check out, don't you?" "Who?" "Michael, that's who." Linda sighed again. "I'd love to run my fingers through all that gorgeous hair. I'd love to examine every inch of smooth skin.." She paused, a disturbing thought occuring to her. "You don't think he has any freckles anywhere, do you?" Nikita thought back to the night on the boat. "No," she said dreamily. "No freckles. He's absolutely flawless from head to toe..." She saw Linda looking at her curiously. "Or so I imagine, I mean.." Nikita added hastily. "Yeah," said Linda. "Michael's so perfect. I'd sure love to check him out in all his glory. And I don't mean for tick-bites, either..." They heard the rustle of clothes in the next cubicle. "That's it, don't be shy," encouraged Nikita. "Yeah, take it off," teased Linda. "Take it ALL off.." The rustling stopped, but no one emerged. "Oh, c'mon, Stud, come on out here," called Linda. "Yeah, show us what you got, Big Boy," said Nikita. The curtain parted and the man they had been discussing stepped out. "Michael!" squealed Linda. It was her turn to blush furiously. She looked at the floor and the walls, anywhere but at him. She was totally flustered. "Hello," said Michael. Besides his blank stare, his boxers were the only thing he wore. They were black silk and clung lovingly to his body, outlining his hard thighs and the treasures between them. "Excuse me," squeaked out Linda. "I need to go crawl in a hole somewhere and die of embarrassment..." She ran from the cubicle, leaving Nikita alone with Michael. His green eyes looked smolderingly into hers. She gazed longingly back. "Examine me," he said. ~~~~~~~ "Examine me," said Michael. Nikita gave a little moan and stepped forward into Michael's arms. They clutched each other in mutual need. Michael bent to kiss her, but her lips found his first. His head tilted back a bit from the force of her kiss. He pulled her closer, pressing his body all along the length of hers. Her hands twisted and tangled in his hair, and his tongue tangled and twisted in her soft mouth. Frantically, needing to touch him, to feel his skin beneath her hands, Nikita released the silky tendrils of his hair and caressed the hard muscles of his shoulders and back. Her fingers roamed over him, exploring his perfect smoothness. But then she felt something against her hand that hadn't been there before...."Michael," she cried in a startled voice. "What's this big lump?" "Lump?" he said, a little annoyed that she had stopped kissing him. She grabbed his shoulders and turned him so she could see his back. Just above the the waist-band of his boxers a red swollen place marred the perfection of his muscular torso. Nikita looked closer and could see the reddish-brown body of a tick embedded in his skin. "My God," she gasped. "This is serious. Let me help you with that." Nikita rushed out of the cubicle and scanned the area for Linda. She didn't notice the large crowd of men staring at her, wide-eyed. Some of them had already been examined and had their showers, they had returned when they found out Michael had gone into the cubicle. Some of them hadn't been on the mission at all, but had gathered there anyway. They had been listening intently to Michael and Nikita's exchange. Oblivious, Nikita spotted Linda several feet away down the hallway and called to her. "Linda, please come back and help me with this. It's too big! I can't handle it alone!" Linda could see Nikita's desperation and hurried toward her. Something was terribly wrong. She rushed back into the cubicle. The crowd of men moved closer, but stayed silent. "Oh, God, you were right," gasped Linda when she saw Michael's back. "That's the largest one I've ever seen. It looks like it's going to explode," she said, eyeing the blood-swollen tick. "Yeah, it's fully engorged, all right," said Nikita. "Damn! Did you hear that?" said Jeff. "Shut up!" Bill glared at him and punched him in the arm. Inside the cubicle, Nikita offered Linda the tweezers. "Here," she said. "I'll hold him and you pull.." Nikita held Michael by the waist to keep him still. Linda struggled to get a good grasp on the tick, but it was buried deep. "Ahhh," moaned Michael when the tweezers scraped him. Linda sighed loudly in frustration. " It's so big, I'm having trouble keeping my grip..." "Pull harder," instructed Michael bravely. "I can take it." "Jesus," swore Greg, feeling incredibly inadequate. The word was spoken almost in reverence to Michael's largesse. Walter elbowed him. "Can you be QUIET, little man, for God's sake!" he hissed. Linda moaned. "If I pull any harder, I'm afraid I'll break it in half...." The men outside gasped. Linda tried to extract the tick again. Michael grunted. "I can't get it to come!" she groaned. "Nikita, please," begged Michael. He was getting frustrated with being scraped and pinched by the tweezers with no results. Birkoff stood just beyond the cubicle listening, his mouth hanging open and his eyes glazed over. "Give me that," Nikita said to Linda, taking the tweezers. "I'll get it to come..." Jeff moaned. "Will you SHUT UP!" said Bill again. Nikita grasped the tick with the tweezers and pulled, grunting with the effort. The tick was still embedded. "This is the strongest monster I've ever seen," she exclaimed. "Yeah, isn't he something?" said Linda. An idea came to her. "Hey, why don't we try pulling at the same time?" "Ohhh, God," sobbed Greg. Linda grabbed another pair of tweezers. She positioned them on one side of the tick while Nikita used hers to grasp the other half of the insect. "Oh, yeah, that's good, that's good," said Linda, pleased that they were nearing success. "How is it on your side?" Nikita gave a sigh of satisfaction. "We're almost there, I think..." Michael groaned again, impatient. "Just do it, please! Do it hard and fast...." He wanted this ordeal to be over. The men outside stood transfixed. No one moved, no one breathed. A moment passed. Nikita and Linda exchanged a look and a nod. Simultaneously they extracted the tick intact from Michael's skin. "Oh, yeah!" squealed Linda loudly in satisfaction. "Oh, yes, yes..." moaned Nikita, relieved. "Aww, uhh, ohh, oui.... oui...." groaned out Michael, as the pain hit him and then subsided. The men outside let out their breath in a collective sigh. From behind the screen Michael emerged with Linda and Nikita on either side of him. The men applauded and cheered wildly. Michael, cool as ever, ignored the commotion and walked nonchalantly to the showers. Linda turned to Nikita, puzzled. "What are they clapping about?" Nikita shrugged. "I dunno. I guess they really appreciated our efforts to help them, you think?" Walter winked at her. "Good job, Sugar," he said. "Uh.. thanks," said Nikita uncertainly. Nikita spotted Greg in the crowd. Tears were running down his face. Nikita looked at Walter. "What's wrong with Greg?" she whispered. "It's O.K., Sugar. We'll take care of him..." Walter assured her. He walked over to where Greg was standing with Jeff, Bill, Birkoff, and the others. "Whadda ya say we all get drunk?" Walter suggested. The men nodded in agreement and helped the blubbering Greg down the hall. Linda and Nikita looked at each other. "Geez, what a baby! Imagine getting that stressed out about a lousy tick..." said Linda in amazement. "Yeah, imagine..." Nikita shrugged her shoulders again. She smiled at Linda. "WHAT -ever..." The girls laughed and walked arm in arm down the hallway.**