Revenge

Nikita kicked open the door to watch the man called Austero Gomez move to the edge and push Michael, Nikita screamed as she saw Michael lose his balance and fall, they had locked their gazes a split second before he fell off the roof, she saw Gomez trying to escape and she shot Gomez on the leg, making sure he would not go anywhere, she ran to the edge of the building and watched as Michael landed heavily on his back. She saw the tell tale sign of a broken skull as his head hit the pavement and blood oozed around his head, she watched as a thin line of blood escaped his nose and mouth also, she turned frantic and ran back down the stairs, calling through her Comm unit she made sure Gomez would be picked up by team 2 as she rushed down the stairs to Michael's side.

Emptiness. His parents, sister, and Simone flashed by in rapid succession. Those demons he had finally dealt with, after years of struggle. The newer faces, Nikita, Elena, Adam... they tore at his soul, shredding the already ragged garment with which he had to clothe himself. He could feel Nikita's fingers covering his through the wiring of the cages, while they awaited more torture. Michael flayed himself with the memory of Section's war with Red Cell, and his subsequent manipulations of Nikita. Her hate-filled eyes glaring from her mauled face, glaring at him.

Ah, Nikita. She was the "deadliest trap ever laid" by Madeleine, by Section's mistress of cages and heavily-borne crosses. She had taken him down in the first moment, burrowing expertly under his defenses. In all her innocence, she barely knew what she had accomplished. She never knew that beneath his blank stare, he was raging inside with need. The need to touch, feel, taste. The need to tell her anything she desired to hear. But more overpowering than all of these was the need to protect Nikita from Section. From himself.

Nikita had brought him here, fading from the land of the living, his consciousness slowly fraying into darkness. Michael had learned hope from her; what Nikita had gleaned from Michael only consisted of betrayal, secretiveness, and hatred. He had saved her life time and again by ruthlessly manipulating her emotions. Nikita had made a point, once; she had never asked for his protection. Michael didn't tell her... he couldn't not protect her. Operations had told him, "If she fails, you fail." At that time, Michael had repeated another phrase in his mind: "If she dies, I die." The phrase had almost become a mantra for him. It was simple to behold, but too difficult for Michael to explain. Not when she didn't reciprocate. Not when Nikita jumped on his every word. She acted like a verbal barracuda when he spoke. Again, his fault. He gave her so little...

Losing her, having her, and slowly killing her had brought Michael to this place: the place where he had no will to live. He had passively tried to kill himself three times in recent memory. The first had been when Nikita had chosen Jurgen over him, and Michael had used that choice to take away the hold Jurgen had over Section One. The way she looked at him after that had shattered his bones, and so he thought it best to end it in the flames. He would reset the detonator and die, mission complete.

"Stand back!" he ordered and Nikita was forced to release his hand as the paddles were brought down against Michael's naked chest. "Clear" he shouted at the same time he pressed the buttons on each paddle releasing the electrical charge into his chest. "300 jewls" he gave the instruction after watching a slight blip then nothing on the monitor. "Clear" was shouted as he shocked Michael once again. Still nothing. "Bring it to 400 jewls" he waited again then rubbing the paddles again to coat the gel evenly shocked him once again. Still nothing. Nikita was beside herself, she wanted to touch him yet knew she couldn't. She wanted him to know that she loved him and always had, yet she didn't know if he would even hear her. "500 jewls" he attempted once more and this time was rewarded by a heartbeat.

"His blood pressure is coming back." the second technician finished with the cuff wrapped securely around his left arm. "Tell the pilot he has to hurry, we aren't going to get as lucky if he crashes again." he looked at Nikita and knew instantly that she was literally dying inside. "You can talk to him, he might hear you." he continued working on the wound, trying valiantly to stem the flow of blood that had once again started as Michael's pressure rose. "Tell him what you need him to know now, you might not get the chance later." he smiled trying to reassure her but knowing that the operative on the gurney might be too far gone by the time they landed.

Nikita sat down near the gurney and brought her mouth against Michael's ear. "I love you do you know that?" she watched his face to see if there was any response but continued even when there wasn't a sign he had heard "You can't leave me here alone." she felt the tears that had been welling up in her eyes cascade down her cheeks and fall into the wave of hair bunched around Michael's head like a halo. "I can't make it without you Michael, I know that it has been you that has kept me alive." she kissed his ear "You are the only thing that keeps a spark of life in me." she continued caressing his face as she nuzzled in closer. "I can't live without you, please don't make me." she pleaded and thought she felt some response. Backing her head away, she saw his eyes flicker for the briefest of moments then turning his head ever so slightly, she heard him mouth the words that made her heart break.

Michael felt free. He could have sworn he was flying, yet when he looked down, he was clearly walking but he hadn't a clue where. All about him things looked familiar but then they didn't. He heard birds chirping from the tops of blossoming trees that lined a street he was sure he knew but then again he wasn't. The confusion that filled his head grew as he made his way around and suddenly realized that this looked exactly like the neighborhood that he had grown up in. The house at the end of the block looked like his boyhood home and he wondered why after all this time he might be thinking about it. In front of the simple clapboard home, he saw a bike balance precariously against the red and white wrought iron bannister and toys scattered in the yard.

Looking up he heard the slam of a screen door just as a little curly red headed boy came bounding down the front steps to jump on his bike and ride away. As he positioned himself on the peddles, he looked up for the briefest of moments and their eyes locked. The little boy smiled and waved before turning the handlebars and peddling away. Michael realized that the boy was himself. As he continued down the street, the scenes changed and he saw things that he remembered from his teens. He couldn't understand what was happening, only that he felt like a patron watching a movie of his life unrolling before his very eyes. He saw the neighborhood poolhall that he hung out in with a band of his highschool buddies. He walked inside and saw them, all young again playing pool and drinking beers like they were going out of style. He saw the prom queen sitting on her hip against the bar, lazily waiting for her boyfriend to take notice of her.

Michael walked up to her to say hello but she didn't seem to hear him. His attention turned to the boy leaning over the table racking up the balls for the next game. Suddenly the young man looked up, their eyes locked and again Michael recognized him as himself. Further down the street he saw the home he had lived in before fighting with his Mom and Dad and stalking out as he vowed to never return. He never had, shortly afterwards his parents had died and he took Mariane to paris with him.

He felt a great sadness as he moved from street to street. Next he saw a dark haired woman, sitting alone in a park under the shade of a beautiful weeping willow tree. Something about her looked vaguely familiar and as he moved closer, he stopped in sudden shock. As the woman looked up, he felt the tightening in his chest that he had hoped to never again feel for before him stood his beautiful Simone. He moved in closer, sure that she would not seem him just like the prom queen, but as he drew up in front of her, the smile of recognition was unmistakable.

As she made her way across the communications area, Birkoff and Walter exchanged glances. "She's not going to make it if Michael dies." Birkoff shook his head. Deep down he really cared for Nikita and although it irked him at times the way that Michael treated her, he also understood that between them there had been a love so deep and true that they willingly defied Section, Operations and Madeline just to be together. "She's heading to the observation deck" Walter rubbed his hands together and then tucked them both into his back pockets. "She's inches from losing the only man she really loves and he's debriefing?" his voice raised slightly causing Birkoff to lift a surprised eyebrow.

"Look. He's got a broken leg, cracked ribs, a Subdural Hematoma, a severe concussion, a broken skull. The skull seems to be intact, no fragments of bone have penetrated the brain, however, the bone has been refracted inwards, compacting the tissue of the frontal lobe of the left cerebrum. We managed to tease the section of bone away releasing the pressure on the underlying area, but damage has been done. and he's gonna be more bruised than a rotten banana... that's if his internal injuries don't kill him first. Anybody but Michael would have been a pancake. He must have nine lives."

This must be a black hole. The thought floated into his mind, and he grabbed hold of it with all of his might. He desperately needed something to cling to in the weightless, pitch-black void that surrounded him. He could find no purchase for his hands and feet. He had no idea which way was up and which was down. No matter how much he strained his eyes, he couldn't see anything. The silence around him was absolute. He couldn't even hear the sound of his own breathing.

Nikita woke suddenly, she did not know what had awakened her, she looked at Michael and saw his eyes closed, but this was not the unanimated sleep of weeks gone by. His hands and feet, jerked lightly, causing the sheet that covered him to rustle. Michael's face was no longer a blank mask, it was creased into a frown, and a low moan periodically escaped from between his lips. His breathing seemed heavier. She stood and softly let her fingers caress his brow, slowly his movements calmed and stopped.

Nikita had been sent on a short mission, she had been told Michael had awakened 12 hours earlier, she walked back to medlab from her shower, Gathering her still damp hair in a ponytail, she almost walked out of her quarters before turning back to check her appearance in the mirror. She didn't want Michael to worry about her when he needed to concentrate on his own recovery. Satisfied that the strains of the latest mission didn't show on her face, she then hurried towards med lab.

She bent down again. His eyes were still the same. She put her hand against his cheek, caressing it and said: "Michael, it's me, Nikita. Michael. MICHAEL!" No response. She pinched his cheek sharply with her fingernails. Still no response. She could feel her desperation begin to turn into rage. She lowered her head to his, and kissed him gently but firmly on the lips. There was absolutely no response. It was like she was kissing a corpse that hadn't cooled yet. She turned and almost ran out of the room.

Nikita had a CD player installed in Michael's room, and played music she knew he liked or thought that he might like. On the third day she brought in the CD they had danced to when Michael had manipulated her to give up on Eric and his escape plan. Perhaps playing the CD was giving Madeline, who was sure to monitor the room, another weapon against her in the future, but Nikita didn't care. She knew that whatever Madeline could come up with could not be worse than the current situation.

Nikita talked to Michael as if he could hear her. She greeted him on arrival and said bye before leaving. She held long monologues against soft background music. Nikita couldn't bring herself to talk about anything too personal, so she opted to tell him about the weather, the news or Section gossip instead. She didn't tell him about wars or terrorist attacks or natural disasters - surely that kind of news would not entice him to come back to the world. The news she talked about was of state visits or baby panda bears or art exhibitions.

Nikita couldn't help wondering how long it would take before Operations would order Michael cancelled. She wasn't sure if being dead was much different from what he was now, but she wasn't ready to give Michael up yet. She had nightmares about walking into his room to find him forever gone. In the more grueling version Operations ordered her to cancel Michael and Madeline handed her the pillow... She woke up several times every night trembling and gasping for air, her sheets a bundle around her.

** the man is georgeous.** Kareny could not stop the tears that came to her eyes as she watched the man on the bed, his skin was pale, his eyes rimmed with dark circles and his sight fixed on nothing, She walked toward him and asked many questions, Andrew responded to most of them, Kareny took Michael's hand in hers, it was warm and pale, she took his chin and turned it to gaze at his face, the beard had grown long and very soft, a golden color, his face had no expression, and she tried to bring one forth, she pinched, scratched and poked but he remained unresponsive, she brought a needle out of her purse and stuck it in his arm, no response.

It was 9 am when Nikita woke to find Michael already awake and still lying in the same position as the prior night. He does not even make himself more comfortable. she mussed and sat up taking Michael's shoulder's and lifted him up to a sitting position, she called Andrew and they carried him to the bathroom to allow him to use the facilities, Nikita stood holding Michael's head against her stomach while Andrew prepared the anti psychotic meds Michael received each morning, Nikita felt a small twitch and looked down, Michael's eyes were open but there was a tear running down his cheek, Nikita gasped at the significance of this and called Andrew, he came running and saw the tear and walked to Miss Macfergusson's bedroom and knocked, a very sleepy Kareny walked out and after hearing this she ran to the Bathroom, she saw the track of the tear that had stained his cheek and smiled, ** maybe it will be easy to bring him back**

Kareny walked to Madeleine and after a couple of words they turned and walked outside, Nikita moved to Michael and caressed his face, she delicately kissed the spot where Kareny had stuck the needle, it was red and inflamed, Nikita checked every area where Michael was hit, his jaw was bruising already, his abdomen was bruised and Nikita imagined the girl might have broken a rib, there were quite a few Darkening bruises on his chest and abdomen, and he had a couple of cuts on his lower lip and brow.

Kareny sighed heavily, she did not wish to do this, she had seen this type of treatment done a couple of times in her 4 years as a mental health worker, but the subjects were lost after they **awoke** the first commited suicide 2 hours after waking, the second killed his family, 4 nurses, 3 doctors and himself 3 days after coming around, the treatment was too risky, but it was up to the people in charge to decide. " the procedure has been done in a limited number of subjects, all terminated their lives less than 3 days after coming around, this treatment can be extremely dangerous to the patient and to us, he can go psychotic on us, or simply become worse than now."

Michael was in pain, that was all he felt, an intense pain reverberating through his body, he could not move, he felt the touch of Nikita's fingers caresing his injured limbs, he loved her smell, soft and gentle **Jasmine and Vanilla** Alluring combination, suddenly his vision went black, he could not feel anything, his eyes concentrated on a light at the far end of what seemed a tunnel, he walked there, the pain increased with each step he took, he finally reached the light, a door, he opened it and looked inside; It was a small room, decorated completely in white. On the floor lay the body of a young woman. She had long blonde hair that covered her face and was dressed completely in black. Around her body lay a pool of blood.

In a chair next to the body sat a man not much different in age to the woman. He ached as he looked at the body and never once did he take his eyes away from her, slowly removing himself from the chair to be next to her. Not once did he reveal his face to the figure that stood in the corner and watched. A woman to their side lifted her arm to the man's head and after a deafening ring the man's body went limp as the life drained out of him. With a last effort he reached out to the woman and turned her body over to embrace him. Then the two lay still and lifeless next to each other. The people exited the room, he looked at the couple and screamed, it was them, his beloved and him were dead in a pool of blood, suddenly he was wrenched from the room, pain making him gag, he was returned to the garden once again, he took a deep gasping breath, and then his body went limp.

Kareny had loved once, Stephen had been her life for those 2 glorious years until one day she had walked into the apt. To find him dead on the floor, a bullet wound through his forehead, she found the note he had left her and she took the money he left for her and finished school, that had been 2 years ago and now here she sat beside a deeply catatonic man, trying to make sure he was alive in the same place that she knew Stephen's father lived, she knew very little about Stephen's dad except that the man was handsome and he was their leader here.

Kareny had suffered through so much, first at the hands of her abusive parents and then at the hands of the street junkies and pimps she lived with after escaping her home at 9, she had survived doing all she had to until Stephen found her, 4 years ago, he cleaned her up and sent her to school, she was almost finished when he had died, she had cried herself to sleep for months after his death, he had been the only man who had treated her right, like a lady, Kareny had fallen asleep during her introspection.

They used every treatment known to all and even some that were experimental, they used Electro convulsive therapy, deprivation chamber, affection, pain inflicted on him, pain inflicted on Nikita, nothing worked, every Day it broke Nikita's heart to watch Michael suffer through the worse torture imaginable to try and bring him back, Nikita had suffered through pain and emotional distress as she was used to try and bring him back, but as the weeks passed they all got discouraged, Kareny had finally given up on the treatments and had stayed to help them if and when Michael chose to return.

He felt pressure on his chest and opened his eyes to watch a halo of golden hair perched atop his aching chest, he gasped when he realized this was Nikita and he tried to lift his hand to touch her hair, but his hand did not obey him, it laid limp and unresponsive at his side, that's when he realized that he could not feel or move his legs, that worried him, he tried to move but he could not, he sighed and let his head drop back on the pillows and several Minutes later his eyelashes had fluttered closed again.

She kissed her way from his ear to his mouth and found herself gazing lovingly at his unique features, those dark brows and soft lashes hid the most precious jade in the world, his nose was straight and slightly tranished by a break on it's bridge, she again traced his lips with her finger and smiled at feeling the slight intake of breath. He will return, my soulmate will return to me, but will he be the man I love? Or some shell of the man he used to be when we met?

He had now forgotten all that pain, the only thing that mattered was Nikita his love for her was inmense, his heart filled with joy every time her eyes gazed at him, he had tried to speak but he found he could not, he tried to move but he was completely paralyzed from the shoulders down, he could move his head some but it throbbed painfully as he moved it, he had been trying to remember but there was a void in his mind, no memory except of those blue eyes and that soft skin, he smiled once again as he saw her smile back at him, she was so beautiful his Nikita.

Nikita told Michael all she knew about him, how he joined section, who his trainer was, what he did and that he had a son, Michael had taken all the information and filed it into his mind carefully to review later, he had asked questions, Nikita answered them to the best of her ability and knowledge, she knew this was affecting Michael deeply, she watched as Michael tried to move away from her touch but was unsuccessful, she tried to gaze into his eyes but he had shuttered them.

" Michael entered Section after setting up a bomb in school, he was 19 and the bomb killed 39 people, including 8 children, he has always been extremely private and quiet, he has suffered so much since his parent's died when he was 15. he has made section his home, his life if you preffer to view it that way, he is exceptional in everything. he loved very deeply once, her name was Simone, she was an operative who died 4 years ago, he had been devastated when she died, but later we found out she had been taken hostage and 4 years ago commited suicide, he was hurt but was able to survive due to me. we have gone through so much to love each other, two years ago I found out he had been married to a innocent, it was a mission but it produced what section calls a ** blood cover ** he had a son with this woman, she believes he's dead. he was almost lost after loosing his son, I was able to bring him back but life has never been the same since then, we became extremely close a year ago, we finally were able to love each other as freely as possible inside this place, but Operations and Madeleine decided we could not have a relationship so Madeleine **adjusted** me, she took my love and emotions away, 8 months ago Michael found a way to reverse the process but it took me over 1 month to forgive him for allowing section to mess with my brain, 3 weeks later the accident happened and you know the rest." Nikita took a deep shaky breath and sat down on the floor, her shoulders shaking with the sobbs racking her body.

Michael was stunned at hearing her, he tried to move but he could not, he closed his eyes and tried to remember what he had been dreaming about, but nothing came to him, he finally heard the door creak and he opened his eyes to stare at Nikita's, Blue eyes locked with green and both shuddered as the love between them grew, Nikita smiled and returned to the bed, she lifted the covers and laid down beside Michael, he smiled at her and she lifted his body and settled him on her chest, her hand drawing circles on his shoulder and hair while he closed his eyes and fell asleep again.

"Michael, no. That was something that I needed to do. Something that felt right for me. You do not have to return the favor right now. There is plenty of time ahead of us. We are both exhausted. Let us sleep now. Tomorrow will be time enough for us to share our love. we will need all the rest we can get for the next few hours. Tomorrow my love!" Saying that, Nikita curled up in Michael's arms, laid her head on his chest and drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and secure in the arms of the man she loved.

Nikita said yes and hung the phone up, she grabbed Michael under his arms and pulled him to the bed, she managed to get him into the bedroom, laid him by the bed and made sure he was breathing, she checked his pulse again, it was weak and thready, she turned and ran to get what kareny had ordered her, she took Michael's wrist and bandaged the wound as best as she could, she then rumagged in the bag until she found the chloride tablet and swiftly broke it under his nose, 5 seconds later Michael's arms flew up and batted at the offending smell, she grabbed his arms and pulled him into her embrace, she crooned to him until he calmed.

Nikita suddenly flashed on something from years ago; It had seemed so petty after the War to dig through the old Section files found with Red Cell to read up on Michael's past, but now the information of his tendency toward seizures as a child prepared her. She also knew from experience that when a person bought themselves as low as Michael appeared to have, then even the most latent enemy can rear it's ugly head and attack you in it's most vicious form. She just hoped he had the strengths left to fight the demons off.

Blindly he reached out through the licking flames and tried to grasp her frozen hand. The cold blue fingers eluding his grasp and falling a few more inches out of his reach. His minds eye registered the gray parlor of her skin, but he couldn't give up. Every breath hurt. To loose her, though, meant never being able to breath again. Reaching once more through the flames he finally caught hold of the balmy hand and pulled her though the heated wall and into the hallway. He gathered her lifeless body to his chest and examined her with barely concealed fear and trained scrutiny.

Nikita sighed as she heard kareny and Andrew run into the bedroom, kareny stopped at the sight of Michael, she could see that his smooth skin was drenched in a cold, clammy sweat. Shock was setting in. She kneeled beside him and ripped his shirt off, His sculpted chest was mottled with purplish striations, like the marks seen on a fine piece of marble, Working quickly, she grabbed Michael's wrist and saw the damage done, she put her fingers to his neck and felt his heart beating at an alarmingly fast rate.

As he gradually regained consciousness the first thing Michael was aware of was a splitting headache. He slowly tried to get up but felt sick and dizzy, Looking around he noticed he was alone in the room, Carefully, he slid hands under him and pushed up, arms giving way beneath to send him sprawling back onto the bed, his rapid breath stirring hair that had fallen forward to cover his face. Setting his teeth and striving to set aside the dizziness, he tried again, the muscles in his arms trembling but not giving away.

Michael gazed at Kareny intently trying to gauge if she was speaking the truth, he decided she was and that made him even more depressed. "Than there's no reason for me to stay alive." he sighed wearily and turned sad eyes toward Nikita, he took her hand into his and caressed it softly, he then brought her hand to his cheek and nuzzled it before looking into her blue eyes and saying. "Will you finish it? Will you please take the life I gave you 6 years ago?" Nikita was shocked by his words, she shook her head and stood pulling her hand from Michael's grasp.

He was angry at himself. It was really all his fault and all his responsibility. He had again opened himself up to pain, manipulation and words designed to hurt when he had allowed himself to hope. That hope had bled slowly away like blood dripping from an open wound. He had told Nikita that sometimes all people have are their dreams. His dreams had all turned into nightmares. Once he had been impervious. Once it had been simple, focus on the job. He did not want or need or care. Then he had lost his way. He had tried to find brightness in hair the color of sunshine and light in eyes the color of the sky. He should have stayed in the gray of the shadows.

What right had he to be angry? Without Section, he would have no life. He would have no purpose that allowed atonement. He was what Section had made of him. He was a weapon. A weapon did not complain of what it was, it only existed to fulfill its purpose. His purpose was to seduce, betray, infiltrate, sabotage and kill. It was not to hope or to need. A weapon did not care how it achieved its goal. He could still be only a weapon if all he had were purpose. Once that had been enough.

Michael lifted his face to gaze at Kareny, he had to explain to her that he did not deserve to die, he had to live, to atone for all the pain he had caused, but he could not let his body rule him, he had to suffer and return to section, he tried to move away from her all seeing gaze but he could not, the weakness in his body was growing, it was already difficult to stay awake but to move was even more difficult, he forced his body to obey and finally his legs moved, he slowly stood and swayed for a few seconds, his eyes fluttering closed as the dizziness and nausea assailed him, he felt his body collapsing and gave one last effort to stay standing, but his body disobeyed and he crumpled to the ground.

Michael dreamed, but his dreams were not pleasant, his memories assailed his tired and damaged soul, he whimpered softly and tried to wake up but the drugs in his system were too strong, and he fell deeper as other memories began to surface. The thoughts of his beautiful wife Simone, never too far from his mind, dead. He killed her, maybe not directly, but it was his fault. His son, gone, probably terminated by Section. Who knows what happened. Betrayal, Betrayal. Oh God, I betrayed my friend, he thought. He did not want to live, he doesn't deserve to live. The pain of what he did rips through his heart like a sharp scalpel. He had tried to put an end to his life of manipulations, the killings, and being the minion of Section. But it did not work.

"Feel up to listening to me talk?" Nikita asked, as she climbed onto the bed and moved to curl up beside Michael. She shifted a couple of pillows behind her so that she was half sitting, then she reached out and pulled Michael into her arms. She felt him resist for a moment, but then he sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his head on the cushion of her breasts. Nikita let her chin rest on the top of his head as her fingers combed through Michael's soft curls. She loved his hair when it was wild and silky, as opposed to when he wore it smoothed out and tucked behind his ears. As if it symbolized the restraint he placed upon himself.

"That's right," Nikita confirmed. "Are you the man who betrayed me to keep me...alive...as you put it? Or are you the carefree lover who Lisa desired? Or the computer genius, second only to Birkoff? Or the man who seduced me in Lyon? Maybe you're the man who likes to listen to me talk about soap opera's over a cup of coffee. Or the man who wears black, and never lets his feelings show, or the man who played house with me. " This latter remark was said with gentle teasing. "Or are you the *friend* who rescues damsels in distress? Namely me...by taking the heat when I, willfully, break Section code?"

He didn't respond. Couldn't...not for a long moment. Michael's thoughts were chaos, for Nikita's words had stirred up feelings he tried so hard to keep buried. Emotions that he did his damndest to convince himself didn't exist. But they were there, hovering in the air between them. Michael didn't want to set them free. To do so would only cause Nikita more pain. So Michael shifted in her arms so that he could look upon Nikita's beautiful face. The face of innocence. "Who do you think I am?" he countered, his voice barely a whisper.

Kareny had explained to Michael that the fall had hurt his spinal cord, he would be able to alk normally and do most things he was used to, but run and jump he would never do again, she explained to Michael what she was told, he would have to be back to proficiency before returning to section or he would be canceled, that caused many emotions to stir in Michael, he realized that he had two choices return and die at the hands of Madeleine or take his own life, he chose the latter until Kareny told him her plan.

Nikita swiftly grabbed Michael bringing him within the folds of her arms. One arm reached up to bring Michael's face to her shoulder while the other surrounded his body. On feeling the body he refused to admit he adored giving him comfort that he refused to acknowledge he needs, Michael broke down into tears. He embraced Nikita as if he could never let her go allowing himself, just this one time, a weakness. He buried his face into her neck and on her shoulders giving way to the purging of the pent-up stress, sorrow, and grief he has carried around for so long in his soul.

As they are touching and comforting each other running their hands over the other's body, he hauntingly spoke about his life before coming into Section, about the loss of his parents, his life, and loneliness. He told her about the way he was trained and how Jurgen was a unforgiving trainer, how he had been selected from the start for valentine work and how Madeleine had trained him thoroughly, About how he met Simone and the feelings he bottled up after her supposed death, he finally spoke about the love he fostered for Nikita from the beginning.

Michael woke up early the next morning, he felt free, the burden he had carried for years had lifted and he knew it was due to Nikita, he turned to look at the wonderful woman asleep beside him, her silverblonde hair in disarray upon the pillow, her hand softly clutching his chest, he moved and Nikita shifted in bed and her hand dropped from his chest, he moved out of bed and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, he walked to the door and proceeded to make his way to the pond.

He laid down on the sweet smelling grass and started to relax, Gradually tense muscles began to loosen as breathing began its descent to a slow even pace. Eyelids became weighted as the beginnings of slumber made its entrance. Balancing precariously between the fine line of conscious and unconscious came the vague sensation of a sudden chill, he thought of returning inside but the heavy relaxed feeling in his limbs prevented any movement. He felt as if he were drifting......feeling strangely at ease with this unusual sensation. Peace.....He felt it envelope him almost to the point of euphoria. Balancing on the outskirts of his awareness was an odor, not unpleasant but indiscernible. A slightly electric feeling overcame him as the hairs on his body stood upright......skin rippling with bumps in reaction to the now freezing atmosphere. A sound permeated the air and suddenly he became uneasy....it was an ugly menacing sound......one that immediately dissolved the euphoric feeling. He struggled to awaken in response to an abrupt insight of foreboding. As if in answer to this struggle he felt a weight pushing down on his chest, forcefully holding him from his attempted ascent. His heart raced, forcing blood to his temples....a pounding echo reverberating to the tune of its beat. Now freezing temperatures caused rapid breaths intertwined with a forceful shudder. The weight became heavier......now holding limbs firmly to the mattress and the once somewhat pleasant odor took on an acrid pungent smell that burned his nasal passages. Forcing his eyes open only heightened the anxiety, as there was nothing there.......nothing concrete for his mind to grasp onto. His breaths escaped him in visible puffs of steam....warm air meeting cold. Glancing at his limbs he found them unrestrained.....Used all of his strength to move but one hand....seeing the muscles flex in his forearm, fingers curling into a fist.....yet unable to free them from the unseen grip. The smell became stronger causing a wave of nausea so strong he felt the bile rise up into his throat. The horrific sound groaned through his ears....a wail he was sure came from the depths of hell. Frozen in terror his heart nearly stopped, Immediately the pressure lifted from his limbs......the odor fading, leaving no remnants. The atmosphere returned to soothing warmth

With a start he awoke.....heart pounding in his chest....... breathing deep and rapid. Accustomed to waking this way on the heels of one of his nightmares, he lay still waiting for the symptoms of terror to fade away............they didn't.......... With sudden force he was slammed back down onto the grass; the shock of the physical assault causing a sharp intake of breath. Any attempt at movement was now futile; limbs pinned by unseen hands. His hands curled into the soil, fingers clenched into fists grabbing for some control. A feather light sensation made a trail around his neck......slowly becoming more pronounced........gripping now. Panting for breath as the hold around his neck closed ever tighter.....aware only of the pounding in his chest. His limbs jerked in violent spasms, lack of oxygen causing muscles to contract rigidly. He stared at the sky, the haze of blackness dancing before his eyes, a sudden sense of peace filtering in as the battle became lost. Fleeting thoughts entered his delirium....the last conscious one being *and so it ends*.

A cool breeze wafted through the pond bringing with it the early morning sounds of the various birds starting their day. Michael stirred in response, at first leisurely as the rise to consciousness was gentle. The fog of slumber lifted swiftly as memories of his night terror flooded him.....attempts to rationalize immediately winning out to label the experience a nightmare. Being a frequent visitor to the black depths of despair and horror accompanied with sleep, he shrugged off the uneasy feeling and headed back inside the house.

Nikita woke to the sound of the shower going, she stretched and stood, she touched Michael's side of the bed and felt it cold, she wondered if he had woken earlier and taken a walk she decided to join him in the shower and opened the door, she saw Michael holding on to the wall, posture hunched forward. Skin ashen in color. His breathing was audibly ragged, short gasps accompanied by a shudder that shook his entire frame. Glassy green eyes met briefly with hers. There within their depths she saw a mixture of pain and fear........

Michael awoke to the strange smell inside the room, he looked around and found himself alone, he walked to the closet and took the gun out, he returned to the bed and He chambered it with a full clip and then let his arm fall back to the mattress.....weapon still in hand. He felt his strength wane......fought with everything he had the darkness which seduced him. He was a man with a mission. Whether or not the evil he carried with him like a deadly cloak was an outside entity or a part of himself didn't matter.......for truly they were one. He would send it back to hell where it belonged........where they belonged. He raised the gun, bringing it to his mouth......and just before letting his lips close around the barrel he whispered "Come and get me you bastard."

Kareny looked at Nikita sadly. "I can't really say..... I have several theories but it would take extensive therapy for me to get to the heart of the problem. Michael appears to be displaying a psychotic depressive reaction. Frequently in severe cases this is accompanied by hallucinations, a state in which a person hears and/or sees things that do not exist in objective reality. In it's basic form the depressive reaction occurs as a reaction to a distressing circumstance.......in its psychotic stage it is more severe. Often an actual split from reality will occur and the patient will suffer delusions of guilt and sinfulness. The hallucinations take on the persona of the internal projections." She stopped here......taking time for Nikita to absorb the information, while at the same time trying to convince herself of the diagnosis.

"Electroconvulsive therapy. The treatment consists of applying a rectified current to the temporal area of the brain until there is evidence of a grand mal seizure. After treatment there is a period of temporary confusion but most is recovered within 24 hours. If, however, additional treatments are required, the period of confusion increases. Usually this form of treatment is used in severe cases where medications and therapy would not be effective or in which the person's suicidal tendencies require immediate attention. It has also proven to be effective in breaking the pattern before delusions become firmly fixed." Again she paused. This time a lengthier silence ensued.

He rose from the embrace of slumber. He didn't want to wake.....his sleep deeper than it had been in a very long time. He fought it.....his groggy mind resisting the persistent tug of wakefulness. Losing the battle his eyes fluttered open. His gaze wandered over the darkened surroundings trying desperately to acclimate himself. Shaking off the fog still clouding his mind the disorientation lifted. He remembered. He turned his head to take in the sleeping form lying on the opposite side of the bed....blonde hair fanning out over the pillow.....features even more angelic in sleep. He remembered how tightly she had held him.....remembered feeling secure in her arms. Her warmth.....not just of body but of soul....had wrapped around him. He struggled.....trying desperately for some of that warmth to flow past his barriers.....to find a home somewhere within himself. Whether he succeeded or not he didn't know. What he did know was that he had fallen asleep with a lightness of heart that he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Still, knowing this, and for the first time really seeing that Michael was not an empty shell, she was ready to help him enter death's sweet release. His revelation that he would carry all the anguish into the afterlife was what stopped her from giving what he so desperately wanted. Since her arrival at Section she had seen brief glimpses of the good that was a part of him......a part he could not see himself. She would not let him go until she was sure he would take self-worth with him.

Kareny turned, made the final adjustment and then powered on the switch....... It was over quickly...... Michael's entire body tensed, arching up off the bed. His hands curled into fists, muscles rising in definition along his arms. His jaw clamped down on the makeshift bit, lifting toward the ceiling, revealing tightened cords in his neck. The green of his eyes traveled up and back, leaving visible only white. And in what felt like hours but was really only seconds Nikita watched as the completion brought about instant paralysis.....the once agitated muscles relaxing instantly.

Nikita woke. She looked anxiously over at Michael, searching his face with purpose, looking for any sign that would tell her she had made the right choice. He turned his head slowly, meeting her gaze and Nikita's answer came in the form of something she hadn't seen from Michael in a very long time. He smiled. It was very small, a brief upward tug of the corner of his mouth....but a smile just the same. She could barely contain her elation.....but now was not the time to throw herself into his arms and kiss every part of that beautiful face......she hadn't done that before.....it would probably put him into shock if she tried it now. She noticed the bemused look on his face as he tried to decipher what she was thinking and couldn't hold down the slight blush that heated her cheeks.

The scene in front of him was more terrifying than anything he could have imagined--even after all his painful, violent years in Section. The occupants of this horrible underworld were each walking through an ocean of fire--a fire which burned without killing, a fire which seemed to replay in each of their minds all of the atrocities they had committed in life . . . from their victims' viewpoints. Every pair of eyes was focused on some inward terror--on some horror they had caused years before.

He knew, too, that he belonged here; he knew he had absolutely no basis on which to found a claim of innocence or beg for rehabilitation. He had murdered and seduced, had manipulated and destroyed hundreds--maybe thousands--of people, many of them innocents. He had always been ready with a rationalization--had always tried to agree with Section's "logic," even when he didn't understand it. . . . He had created his own hell, had set himself up for it for years; he knew there was no way back now.

Michael slowly dragged his eyes away from the object of his gaze. They settled on the form beside him. There was a catch in his throat as he allowed himself to really see the figure. She was beautiful in his eyes, just as she always appeared in his memory. When he allowed himself to remember. Slight and petite, her cinnamon hair fell in waves below her shoulders. Her eyes were the eyes that he saw every time he looked in a mirror. It was with a start that he realized that she seemed only a few years older than he. She had died so young. Died.....dying.

Once it had been a favorite place to come with friends or alone. With his friends he would sit and talk for hours on matters both great and inconsequential. When alone he would sit in thought or quietly watch the other patrons while he sipped at dark, strong coffee. He had even brought his sister here twice. He remembered how she had smiled at him. It had made her feel so grown up and special. The memories were all pleasant and yet they brought him only sadness. How young he had been then.

Sometimes these are so small as to go unnoticed. Deciding to walk one direction rather than another for example. Other times the critical points are obvious, at least in hindsight. If one could go back and change a critical point in a life then the direction that life had taken would have been changed. One future eliminated in favor of another." She was no longer smiling now. Her visage was very grave. "Michael, you are being given the chance to change one, just one, critical point in your life. Think carefully on what you would change. Once the decision is made your life will be changed and once done it can not be undone."

Michael clasped the hand and without transition found himself standing in a small apartment. The scene reminded him of a silent movie. He could see but not hear what was occurring, would occur, had occurred. As in Medlab, he was unnoticed. There were half a dozen people crammed into the cramp quarters. Young people, in their late teens or early twenties, people whom he recognized. A much younger version of himself was bent over a table showing something to Rene. Next they appeared to be arguing. He watched as his younger self suddenly headed for the door and compared what he was seeing to his memory of the events. The scene froze.

"Yes. I should have left. I was showing Rene how to make a bomb. He was impatient with how slowly the movement was progressing and convinced me that we needed to get their attention. He promised that no one would get hurt but he let something slip. He said that only blood would let them know that we were serious. We argued. I was leaving without finishing the connections. Rene stopped me, convinced me that he had only spoken in the heat of his passion for the cause and didn't really mean what he had said. Like a fool, I believed him."

Michael found himself standing on the corner of what appeared to be a fashionable, upper middle class neighborhood of a Parisian suburb. In the house across the street, a woman exited. She was tall and blonde, beautiful in a classical fashion. When Michael saw her, he felt as if he should know her even though he knew that they had never met before. A small boy, perhaps four or five, clutched at her hand. His blonde hair fell in waves. From the distance, Michael couldn't see the color of his eyes but knew that they would be blue. In her arms the woman carried a little girl, certainly no more than a year old. White lace peek from beneath the child's coat. She had a hand full of the woman's hair and was trying her best to bring the fist that held it to her mouth. The woman walked slowly down the street, laughing with her children. As Michael watched them go, he felt a pang of loss which he didn't understand.

"You wait several years before you marry, always feeling as if you're looking for someone special, someone whom you see only in your dreams, but one day the dreams just stop. You love your wife, but are not passionate for her. You have two children, a son and a daughter. You name your daughter after your mother. You remain close to your sister. She and her family are as important to you as your own. You live, you laugh, you work, you have friends, you are mostly happy and eventually you die."

Michael nodded absently. That mission propelled him into an early promotion as team leader. The primary leader on the mission had been killed and the team one operatives pinned down during an ambush. He was on team two. He assumed command of the mission even though there were more senior operatives present. He was able to rally the operatives, engage the enemy so that team one could escape and fulfill the mission profile. Simone was one of the operatives on team one. It was the first time that they had worked together.

Consciousness returned slowly and reluctantly. Awareness of physical sensation, the feel of the bed, the hum of the ventilation system, a vague diffuse pain. He opened his eyes but the light stabbed him so brightly that he immediately shut them again. Thought returned more slowly still. There was something important. Something that he needed to remember that was slipping away from him even as he struggled to bring it into focus. Something about his mother? No, that wasn't quite right. Something about Nikita?

Michael opened his eyes again, this time more slowly. Nikita's blurred image slowly became sharper but did not immediately resolve. A blur of light surrounded her golden hair like a halo. Again, it seemed to remind him of something, an angel? The memory teased him, just out of reach. Then it was gone. He felt a sense of profound loss which also passed quickly to be replaced with the conviction that his life finally made sense. He was exactly where he was supposed to be, doing what he was meant to be doing.

After dinner Michael pulled Nikita upstairs, once in their bedroom Michael started to disrobe, Nikita watched him as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, pulling the material off his shoulders he let it float to the floor, he then took his boots and socks off, standing his hands shook as he watched Nikita watching him, he unbuttoned his jeans pushing them down his hips and finally they pooled at his feet, he stepped out of them, Nikita looked at Michael shyly, Slowly she extended her hand to reverantly brush her fingertips gently along his chest. She thought he must be the most beautiful creature she had ever seen, and then almost on a whim she said it outloud, "You are beautiful." She blushed but bravely looked into his eyes, finding awe and desire in those green/gray depths. Feeling more bold after that last outburst Nikita brought her hands up to his shoulders and gently pushed him down onto the soft floor. Straddling his hips she reached out and traced the outline of his lips with one finger lightly while the other felt the smooth silk/steel that was Michael's chest, stomach, arms, body.

But she would have none of that this time. She wanted him to know her heart was with him, but she also wanted him to know he was hers no matter how much he wished to stop it from happening. So she leaned down and kissed him, softly at first, but slowly making him feel her demands, her desires. After what seemed like a lifetime Nikita pulled away and began to nip and kiss her way down his jawline. Licking a path down his neck, gently biting his collar-bone and along his shoulder before kissing every inch of his muscled chest.

Pushing her gently back Michael made sure pillows supported her head before he bent to accost her lips with his. The kiss was bruising in it's unconcious quest for acceptance which it readily found in Nikita. Once his lips received what it was looking for from her lips they continued on to explore the rest of her body like it was a child finding some delicious buried treasure. He started to nuzzle her neck, gently tugging at her earlobe before kissing the sensitive area just behind it. Her hair was like spun gold and her skin was like flawless ivory. Her eyes the bluest saphires ever discovered. She was his buried treasure and he wanted every prize he could find inside.

Slowly he made his way to the valley between her perfect round breasts. Fleetingly he thought of painting this perfection but quickly shook this thought from his mind as Nikita wound her fingers in his hair and guided him to one breast. While gently caressing the other with his hand Michael swirled his tongue around her already taunt nipple. At her urging he took it into his mouth and went on to carefully suck and lick it. Michael wanted her so much. Her fragrance and the scent of her arousal already becoming apparent mixed together to tease his nostrils and deepen his arousal, but he had other plans first.

Nikita gasped as he began to use his tongue on the center of all her nerves at that moment. Moments later he began kissing and sucking while still playing with his tongue. When Nikita thought she could take no more Michael suddenly inserted one of his big fingers inside her causing a glorious friction that made her cry out with pleasure. Slowly but with mounting speed Michael inserted and withdrew his finger while licking and sucking her now swollen clit. When he felt her begin to tense he added a second finger adding to her inner pressure and driving her over the edge.

Nikita's thoughts were miles away from Michael at this moment, she had woken up after a nightmare crying softly, she did not remember what the dream was about, but she had been crying in her dream, she had watched Michael sleeping peacefully beside her, she traced the bridge of his nose and his sensual mouth, the tears came back unbided and she had to leave before she woke him, she had slipped out of bed and grabbed her white cotton nightgown that Michael loved, she walked quietly to the garden and sat in the bench under the tree, it's branches protecting her from the chill of the night, and she started to remember her life.

I see a tall girl, ghostly pale. She is shivering in the cold. I remember this bag lady I once knew on the streets. She used to mumble about poetry as she pushed her bag lady booty down the street. When she'd see me she'd touch my hair and smile. " The lady of Shallot had long, beautiful hair. "She would sing before her mirror and brush it with a golden brush and watch for her true love in the mirror. " I thought that she was crazy. I never brushed my hair and my singing stunk. And what kind of dope believed that there were knights and princesses and happy ever afters. The bag lady told me that the lady took one look at Lancelot and flew out the window. Landed on her head, probably. He put her in a boat covered with flowers and sent her down the river.

Last night I nodded off, dreaming that you had come to me with sweet, mulled wine. Cinnamon ticked my nose and heated my belly. You wrapped your coat around me. It was warm and scented from your body. I love the way you smell, Michael, clean and earthy at the same time. You held me close and whispered in French against my hair. I awoke at the nicest part, cramped and sore, my face smashed against cold, cement, not your beating heart, my body alive and yearning. I smiled, thinking, that this is my life. I walked back into the house and to the shower, I had to make you believe I had spent the night beside you, what a joke our lives are!

It was darker here last night. Tonight the moon is full. Did I ever tell you that I am afraid of the dark? Big, bad girl that I am. I think that it started when I was four. My mother had a boyfriend. This one had money for beer and drugs. I hated him. He had rotting teeth and holes in his socks. His toenails were long and ragged and he punctuated his speech with belches. He told me there was this huge dragon in the hall of the apartment, waiting in the dark. If I ever opened my mother's bedroom door the dragon would kill me. I would cower there on the sofa that served as my bed, listening to the sounds of the other drunks in the hallway. And of my mother's moans and the bed springs creaking.

I remember the way you were after you lost Adam, how sad you made me, how angry to see your pain and know there was nothing I could do to take it away, I had wished many times that I could make you smile, take the pain away and make it my own, make you care about life again, there you were The knight sitting upstairs playing the cello, that same refrain over and over. He was quite ill-equipped to slay dragons. Real or imagined. And the princess who is not really a princess was freezing her butt off wishing for things that could never be.

The cello played on. I remember that I asked myself so many times this **Do you take requests, Michael? Something with a beat that I can dance to? I will dance just for you here in this dark hallway. I will bewitch you out of the spell you are under.** I remember how worried I was when i heard the cello stop. I jumped as I heard a crash. I heard you cry out your son's name. Adam . . . Adam. Your voice was ragged and broken. My insides twisted and I forced myself not to run to you. The first night I watched over you, you did that, I heard a car backfire and thought that you had done it. I sneaked upstairs and found you asleep on the floor. Make him be okay, I said to that God you believed in. Help him. Keep him safe.

I waited then, trembling. I walked up the stairs and opened your door, I could see you. You were passed out on the floor with that yellow blanket that had been Adam's, the one he loved as a baby. The one with the little ducks on it. I saw you breathing. I laid down next to you and held you, protecting you from the dreams. I brushed the hair at the nape of your neck with my fingers. It is my favourite place on your body, Michael. So vulnerable, so soft. What did I whisper? " I can slay the dragons if you let me, Michael."

Ohhhh Michael if you knew how much we are alike, that I could understand the pain of loosing a child because I had gone through the same, But I could not even tell you, I could never put Chloe at risk, she is my one salvation, my one good deed in this life, my little miracle, she is now 9 , today is her birthday, ohhhhh My dearest daughter what would have happened to you if I had kept you? Would I have ever entered section? Would I have met my soulmate? No, It was best that i gave you to them, your life is better, you would have died if I had kept you.

Michael **sigh** how much have our lives changed, now I sit at home, our home, cooking and cleaning while you work and act more human and normal than I've ever seen you before, but...... I still can't share many things with you, you know so very much about me, but this you never knew and I'm afraid to tell you, I`m Afraid I would lose you if you knew, it has been 9 years since this happened and I'm still crying about this, I was such a child then, Ohhhh Michael would you leave me if you knew? Would you understand why I never told you? Would you forgive me? God I need to tell him but how? How do i tell him we share the loss of our only child? " Chloe" ** Nikita lowered her head to her knees and cried for the child she had lost, the only child she might have.

"Michael remember the night I came to your loft after the Vacek Mission? You were so heartbroken, so sad, Ciel you thought i did not understand what it felt like to lose a child, but I did, I do, the biggest blessing i ever had was that section never found out about my secret, by small contribution to the world, my penitence and salvation, you never knew and i'm so afraid to tell you, you have to understand that I had to keep this a secret, I could never tell anyone" Nikita looked down at their joined hands and sighed, she had to force herself to tell him tonight.

Michael was stunned, **a daughter? now i understand why she was so weary of men when she arrived in section, now I finally understand why she did not belong there, her daughter needed her and we took her entire life, we destroyed any chance of her being able to see her child again, Ohhhh God! She knew exactly how I felt when i lost Adam, that is why she kept a vigil on me during those suicidal times** Michael turned and wrapped his arms around Nikita as she cried. There were all the emotional pains that she had held deeply within her for so long. There were still remnants of the anger of losing her memory so evilly. There was even regret for leaving Walter and Birkoff Behind in section. Loosing her child at such a tender age must have been devastating And there was pain from her childhood. He held her tightly against his chest while his own pain overwhelmed him and tears slid down his face, he knew they understood each other too well, they had both suffered enough, it was time to leave the pain behind and start a new life, together, they had lived on the edge for too long, now they had to live for each other, love and protect each other and try to heal their damaged souls.

Michael pulled his mouth away to see the sight, the smooth skin subtly flickering in reddish hues created by the surrounding candles. He reached out with one finger and stroked Nikita's cheek softly. In one movement, Nikita flung her hips forward, trying to send Michael the deep seeded need that she had now. Michael dropped the finger slowly, tracing it down the right side of her body, over the rise of her breast and the taunt tightness that had already formed with just kisses, and now a finger. The finger went along, not stopping, as it traced over Nikita's stomach and then down to her hips.

I have seen my demise a thousand times, seen my body jerk from the bullets that enter my chest. Fourteen years of missions, and these visions never bothered me. Far from it. I viewed them as a comfort. They were a promise of eventual relief-an end to a life that had known too much death. I never actively sought death, even after Simone. It was not my right. I knew that I would not die until I was allowed to. But Death was always there, a promise floating in his empty eye sockets.

And then Life appeared, in the form of Nikita. I accepted responsibility for her. I trained her. I tried to tame her. But instead, she tamed me. I am hers now, whether she believes it or not. I should know better. I do know better. There are a thousand reasons why I shouldn't need her. But when she touches me, I don't care. The world could swallow us whole, and I wouldn't care. She is alabaster and honey. She is Life, vibrant, loving, and defiant. And despite all that I have done, she loves me.

Of course, I was lost long before I ever touched her. Not that I've ever told her that. Not that I've ever told her anything. And that is for many reasons, not the least of which is her safety. But there are other reasons. How do I tell her that I tremble when I touch her? That I wish I were like her? That she is more important to me than my life, or anyone else's life? I could never find the words to say such things. My throat would close up, and she would only be hurt again.

She gasped, astonished at the way her body caught fire so quickly after being sated. Michael laced their hands together as his head bent over her lower body. His lips caressing the heat of her, his tongue soon slid its way inside. Her hands clenched tightly in his hair as she tried to hold back the inevitable. He released her hands. Seeking her breast, his fingertips finally closed over her nipple, as he continued to lave the center of her being. When she climaxed, her breathless cries echoed in his ears.

With a shudder, Michael joined their bodies, sliding into her wet heat. For a moment, he was content just to be there. Inside her. Part of her. Every time they made love this way, it was beautiful. She was the other half of him. But it was when they made love that he was able to actually touch that part of him that only she held. This was beyond mere union. It was a coming together of their life forces, their souls swirling restlessly before they became one entity.

The woman looked at the phone and shrugged, thinking this man was utterly rude. " Mr. Samuelle my name is Georgia Monroy I am the head nurse at Mercy Hospital, your wife was in a serious car accident-" before she could finish speaking she heard the phone drop and a strangled sob escape the man on the other side of the line, then she heard the door slam shut and she sighed, she knew how bad these husbands could take the loss of their wife and she did not wish to experience another husband collapse into her arms.

Michael had listened to this woman explain her name and he felt the hair at the back of his neck stand on end, by the time he heard she was a nurse and Nikita had been in a accident he had felt his body give way to a tremmendous flow of fear, his knees buckled and he landed heavily on his side, fighting the darkness that enveloped him as he heard Nikita had been hurt badly, he forced himself to breathe and stand, with shaky legs he walked to the door and grabbed his keys

Michael started to realize his vision was becoming blurred. He shook it off and continued to drive. Michael was starting to shake visibly as he drove faster toward the Hospital, He could feel his body slowly shutting down, Michael felt a pain in his chest. He placed his hand to his chest, trying to stop the pain. It wouldn't go away. Michael then felt dizzy. His vision was becoming more and more blurred. Finally, Michael's head hit the seat in his car. He had no control over his body. He was lapsing in and out of consciousness. He knew his car was loosing control.

Male nurses rushed toward Michael's prone form, the nurse (Mandy) had made sure he was alive and breathing before allowing them to take the man to a cubicle, she took the man's wallet and checked, she found a driver's license and some pictures, she returned to her station and entered the man's last name, she found out that his wife had been admited after a serious car accident, and was in The ICU, she walked to the cubicle and decided to stimulate the man to regain conscioussness, she took the syringe and withdrew 10 cc. Of Theophiline ( a nervous system stimulant) and 10 minutes later Michael was regaining conscioussness.

Michael felt his head so heavy and a pressure in his chest, suddenly he remembered what had happened and he snapped his eyes open, he looked around and found himself watched by a young woman, she smiled at him and started to explain what had happened, he tried to sit up but Mandy would not allow it, she placed a hand on his chest and proceeded to explain what the medication she used would do, he pushed her hand away and sat up, the room started to spin wildly and he groaned, he put his head in his hands and almost collapsed back on the bed, but he drew his old control back around himself and stood on shaky legs, Mandy tried to keep him in bed but he had to see Nikita, he pushed her out of the way and walked unsteadily toward the Elevators, pressing the button he waited for the door to open, as they did, he pushed aside a few people exiting and pressed the button for the 5th. Floor, he closed his eyes and rested against the wall, his head still spining wildly, he heard the doors open and he exited, finding the ICU ward was easy, he entered the ward and immediatelly 3 male nurses rushed toward him, he kicked one in the head and snapped the other man's arm quickly, that is when he saw the police officer standing by the door, he turned and felt the third man's Hands grabbing him, he fought but he was grabbed by more men, then he felt the prick of a needle enter his neck and tried to fight the effects of the drug, which combined with the prior stimulant gave him a very unique experience.

The officers listened to the man and pulled the phone away as he finished, one of them took the phone to his ear and spoke, nothing but static was on the other side, suddenly a sharp sound was emmited and the man threw the phone away and touched his ear, it was bleeding, the other officer watched as his partner winced and tried to get closer, as the younger officer walked to the foot of the bed, Michael took advantage and pulled the gun from it's holster, he made the officers untie him and then knocked them out and tied them to the bed, he proceeded to slowly make his way to Nikita's side, he entered her room, she was awake but there was something different about her, he heard the nurse enter and speak to him.

Michael felt the pain increase a decibel as his numb mind finally realized he had lost another child, As he gazed into her sky blue eyes it was harder and harder for Michael to keep the black waves from drowning him. the darkness that was threatening to swallow him finally had swallowed him. he felt his heart accelerating dangerously as his ears started to rush with sound, He stood still for a few seconds, then fell. He didn't hear Nikita screaming for him not to die as he ceased to breathe. Michael was giving up, because he didn't have anything to live for. Nikita didn't love him and she had lost their child.

Several days later Nikita stood beside Michael's bed, she felt responsible for his state, she had been hurt badly in that accident and her memory had been lost, but the moment she saw Michael collapse all her memories rushed at her, the pain had been inmense but she had pushed it aside as she jumped off the bed and held Michael's limp body in her arms, begging him not to die, that was over a week ago, she had recovered almost fully and had been released that morning, she had immediatelly decided to stay beside Michael, she touched her abdomen once again as she looked at her husband, the loss of the baby had increased his pain and had finally taken his sanity form him. she loved him but had so many questions that still needed answering, but she would wait for him to recover and when they were home she would ask.

She sat there in the middle of the room, holding him tightly, as he rocked back and forth, as he called out for her, to not hate him, to not leave him, but he could not hear her as she told him she was here, he never heard her telling him she loved him, he screamed loudly and when his voice finally died he would open his mouth in silent screams, this was killing Nikita, she had not left his side since he collapsed, she had called Kareny and Andrew and they had come, Kareny had told her to fight, to keep talking to him, 3 days ago Kareny had collapsed and was taken to the maternity ward, she had the most prfect twin girls Nikita had ever seen, all pale skin and silvery blonde hair, their eyes still too young to discern a specific color but she hoped that they would be like Kareny's.

Then he heard the door open, a small woman walked in, she looked so familiar, she walked right through the fire wall that was burning his lungs, he cocked his head to the side to better look at her, suddenly his tired brain remembered that face, his sister, Marianne, he tried to call her name but she put her finger on his mouth, he smiled at her, suddenly she raised her hand to his cheek, he expected to be caressed but she dug her nails into his face and screamed at him.

He arched his back again and tried to pull away from her. She heard the rattle in his throat and pushed him down on the floor, a nurse rushed toward them but Nikita pushed her away, suddenly Michael started to gag and gulp in air. Spasms racked his body as he tried to breathe and calm the shaking of his body. His vision wavered, things flowed out of their natural shapes. The blurriness gave Michael a sense of being in another dimension. Maybe he had finally ended up in hell where he belonged.

He again wandered the streets, now desperate and inconsolable. Tears streamed down his face unchecked. He didn't care who saw them... these people didn't matter. The only one he truly cared about was the child. In the short time she'd spent with him (or had it been a lifetime?), she had captured his heart. He had a problem though. He hadn't been allowed to tell her how he felt about her. Every time he had tried, something unseen had prevented him. He knew he should have tried harder... somehow he should have broken the barrier... and it grieved him that he hadn't.

Suddenly, he was running. Someone was chasing him, trying to kill him. He wondered why he was trying so hard to stay alive. There was nothing to live for... no one to comfort him at the end of the day. But he ran anyway. Whoever was chasing him was gaining. He darted into an alley, hoping to shake the pursuers loose. It didn't work. He managed to elude one set of outstretched hands grasping for him, but there were others. He knew he wouldn't be able to evade them all.

She waited patiently while he gasped for breath, stroking his cheek, holding one of his big hands in both her tiny ones. While she waited she watched his face, seeming to memorize every feature. He didn't realize that she was mimicking him; for just as she looked at him, he examined her, engraving her image on his brain. He gazed down at their joined hands, rubbing his thumb over her hand, comparing and contrasting their textures and colors. When he looked into her eyes, the world as he knew it... disappeared.

**what happened? Why Am i in a hospital bed?** he turned and watched as Nikita settled beside him on the bed, that's when he noticed the white bandage she still wore on her temple, and everything rushed at him, the accident, her memory loss, the loss of thier unborn child, his desolation, wanting to die, and almost achieved it, he gazed back at Nikita and attempted to lift his hand to her cheek, but it was so heavy, he closed his eyes and battled the head ache that had settled behind his eyes, it pounded away at his sanity and attempted to render him unconsciouss once again, he felt Nikita take his hand in hers and lift it to her cheek, he sighed in relief and opened his eyes to lock with hers, there were tears in her eyes as she lovingly gazed at him.

He didn't understand why she was sad until he again attempted to rise, that's when he realized it, he couldn't feel his legs, he fell back on the pillow, trying to think of a reason for this, **he had not been hurt right? Nikita had been the one in the accident right? ** He was so confused, he opened his eyes and silently asked Nikita what hed happened, she trembled and he became apprehensive, she again pulled his hand to her chest, settling it there above her heart, it was pounding as she looked at him with such love in her eyes.

" Michael yes I was in an accident, **sight** it was 3 weeks ago, I had lost my memory, lost our unborn child and I think....... no I know my eyes reflected hate when you entered my room that morning, I'm sorry Michael I was hurt, didn't remember, all i remembered was your treatment of me the first day at section, that was all, I then saw you collapse and everything rushed back, I remembered everything as I watched you die in front of me, I...... " Nikita couldn't go on, she lowered her head into her hands and weeped for the damage she had unknowingly done to her soulmate.

Michael was stunned, **3 weeks? ** He felt Nikita let his hand go and cover her beautiful face with her hands, weeping sadly, he looked at her and slowly lifted his arm to pull her toward him, he was so weak and tried in vain to force her to lay her head on his chest, finally she collapsed against him crying bitterly and he couldn't stop the tears that flowed to his eyes, he heard the door open and he automaticaly tensed, Nikita felt him tense and stood, she turned and watched as Kareny wheeled herself in.

They had left Kareny's farm 2 years before, moving around every couple of weeks to avoid being detected by section, Michael and Nikita had been running across three countries with section hot on their heels, they had finally bought a passage for Canada and had arrived in Vancouver 2 weeks before, they had moved easily and quickly toward Montreal, they had decided to take a walk downtown and had taken the metro, it would be the first time they had been back in Montreal in over 4 years, right before the fall Michael suffered at the hands of Gomez.

"Michael." Nikita screams. "Michael!!" Michael turns and starts to walk away. Nikita, desperate to reach him before he disappears, lunges forward, only to find herself unable to move. She looks down at her feet. There is a rope tying down her feet. She reaches down towards it, but it suddenly turns into a huge rat, hissing at her. Nikita jerks back in alarm, not understanding, she looks again and sees Michael, lying in a thick pool of blood. Dead eyes staring up at her, his name on her lips, she reaches for him.

Startled back to consciousness by her hoarse scream, Nikita assessed her situation. Everything was dark, and she hurt all over. Slowly she started to move, checking for pain. Left arm, right arm, left foot, ow, right foot, OW! Nikita lifted her head to look down into the inky blackness towards her feet. Pain explodes in her head as she realizes moving quickly was not quite as easy as it was before, before what? What the hell had happened? Suddenly she heard a soft gasp and turned, throught the blackness surrounding her she was able to see a figure a few feet beside her, she looked at the perfect profile, suddenly she remembered " Michael?"

Michael and Nikita had finally settled in a nice farm 10 minutes away from Kareny, they had started to live again, after 5 years on the run it was wonderful to sit back and rest, take life in as they slowly fixed their run down farm, it was always a dream of Michael's to have a farm, to return to his roots, he relished his memories of his grandparent's farm in Avignon, how he loved to help his granpere to water the Vineyards and taste the first sweet grapes that one day would grace their table at dinner time, Michael sat back in the front porch watching the sun make it's descent for the night, he felt Nikita walk out to him and he scooted over on the swing to allow her room to sit.

That the fiercely proud yet deeply sensitive woman sitting before him had confronted him only once about the shattering secret he'd kept from her for so long was something that puzzled him. Understanding the terrible sense of betrayal she must have experienced when she'd discovered the truth about his double life, he'd braced himself to receive a barrage of angry demands for answers and anguished vituperation. He'd also tried--as best he could--to prepare himself for the probability that Nikita would turn away from him in total disgust as soon as his blood cover was lifted and Michael Samuelle "died" for the second time.

The compassion his then twice-time lover had demonstrated in the ugly aftermath of the Vacek mission had moved him in ways he couldn't begin to articulate. He'd tried to warn her away from him. He'd known how weak he was where she was concerned. Known, too, how obsessive his feelings for her were. He'd been desperately afraid that if he took even a tiny portion of what she was offering, he'd end up destroying her. That rather than helping lift him into the light that illuminated her existence, Nikita would be sucked down into the Stygian darkness that enveloped his.

"What about that time you k-kissed me?" she asked. " in the apartment. To stop me from trying to escape with Eric. Or what about when you and I--I mean, some of the things you said to me when Red Cell had us in those cages? My God, Michael! You had a wife and child and you claimed the only part of you that wasn't dead was me. *Me!* And what about the night in Lyons? We made l-love together. We were alone. No Section. No s-surveillance. And still, you said *nothing!* And after that, when I came back--and on the Armel m-mission--"

" Back then before you broke the conditioning yes, after finding out about Adrian no, I needed you back, had to have my soul back that's why i fought so hard to help you return to your former self, I always thought I could survive anything but losing you to death," he admitted quietly. That was one reason he'd come close to destroying himself during the six months after the Shays mission. Not knowing whether she'd escaped the explosion he'd ordered detonated had nearly driven him mad. "Then you were...adjusted."

Nikita stared at Michael's compellingly handsome face, her pulse pounding. She was already making peace with his explanation of why he'd kept silent about Adam and Elena. This wasn't to imply that she didn't question the decisions he'd made. She did. She wanted to challenge the moral framework in which he'd made them, as well. But when all was said and done, she wholeheartedly believe that Michael had acted as honorably as he could in a fundamentally dishonorable context. He'd been trapped in a situation in which hurt had been inevitable and he'd attempted, apparently with little regard for his own psychological well being-to ameliorate the pain to others as much as he possibly could.

"It was her choice, Michael," she declared. "I know you blame yourself for Simone's suicide. But you shouldn't. Good as you are, you can't save everyone. You *especially* can't save somebody against their will. And preventing Simone from taking her life--from trying to destroy Glass Curtain--would have been exactly that. Imposing your will on hers. I...I understand how important it is to you to try to protect the people you love. *But loving and protecting aren't the same thing.* Sometimes, just sometimes, loving means holding back. Standing aside. Letting the other person take control, no matter what."

"I spent 3 months looking for the files, everything showed you had not been touched but I knew better, I knew there was something somewhere that would shed a light on your changes.....I took that long to find out about the Gelman proyect and contact him, than I found out who had been the first successful subject of the process and I had to save her..... I couldn't allow them to destroy Adrian, you had fought so hard for her life, it was for you that I saved her and maybe for me too, she was the only one who could tell me how to recover you, but she had barely a few days to do it, and she was so lost" his voice at those last words, she stood and walked to him, taking his hand she pulled him back into the swing, taking a seat beside him she gently ran her hands throught his curly cinnamon hair, he had grown it back, it was agian all silk and sun, beautifully curly and wild.

Despite his extensive memory training, Michael's recollection of how he and Nikita made it from the swing up to the bed was always pretty much of a blur. Indeed, just a few moments after their mouths met and mated for the second time since they ahd staretd speaking, his much-vaunted ability to see the big picture short-circuited. His focus narrowed to exclude everything but the woman who'd shown him that it was possible to honorably live and honestly love in the hellish confines of the most covert anti-terrorist organization they had lived in for so long.

He buried his head in the fragrant curve of her neck and slowed his thrusts to long, slow ones as he reached between them to caress her hard bud. He heard her gasping brokenly as he felt the first spasms of her climax begin. Her thighs squeezed him in a vice-like grip as her inner muscles flexed enticingly around his shaft, touching off his own climax as he jerked convulsively inside her. He groaned raggedly into her hair, driving recklessly inside her as he rode out each wave of pleasure.