Broken Heart

Nikita ran to the balcony and looked out, her tears flowing down her face, she remembered Michael’s question. “what did they do to you?” she couldn’t remember, it was driving her crazy, she remembered many things so clearly, but some of them were fuzzy, she did not remember what her relationship was with Michael, all she remembered was that she felt nothing for him anymore, that his kiss did not help her remember, it only confused her more!

Trying to remember was giving Nikita a massive headache, she walked inside to her bedroom and suddenly a pain shot through her head, an image of Michael inside a cage bleeding from nose and ears, flashed through her mind’s eye, but just as sudden as it came it disappeared, leaving her lying on the floor, confuzed and scared, the words floating through her mind was the last thing she heard as she slipped into oblivion “ I don’t know what love is anymore, the only part of me that’s not dead is you”

"I don't know what love is anymore, the only part of me that's not dead is you." The words returned and although she wasn't sure where they came from they comforted her somehow. Feeling restless, she got up and went to the bathroom. Her reflection in the mirror startled her. Red swollen eyes, pale face, she bent down to splash some cold water on her face. Again, pain shot through her head as an image of Michael in medlab flashed. More words ran through her mind like waves,

"Have I ever told you that I love you?" Nikita was putting pressure on her temples as the image disappeared, what is going on? Are these the memories that I lost? After several anguished moments the pain disappeared. She stood and dressed, all her energy now focused on getting answers and she knew just who to ask. Whatever Madeleine did to her she knew Birkoff would be able to find out and maybe help her find a way to reverse it. Nikita knew this shell was not her, but her memories were trapped behind a wall that Madeleine had erected, and some how she knew that Michael was the key to breaking down that wall. If she could get Birkoff and Walter to help her find out what section did,then maybe the pain she had caused to appear in Michael's eyes would go away.

” Why? Why had they done this? A bullet in the gut would have been less painful!” He had finally opened his heart to Nikita. After many years of pain and isolation he had decided to live, he was free to love his soul mate. He rubbed the soft woolen threads of the sweater across his cheek, inhaling the light scent of her. Lovely Nikita, the only one who had been able to crawl her way into the deepest, darkest, part of him and had found his badly damaged soul. She had taken his heart and soul and gave them new life, taught him how to love again. Now section had taken his reason to live. They had shown him how easy it was to break him, but he swore that he would not let them win. "Nikita will remember!" He shouted to the empty loft.

Nikita walked into section, looked toward Birkoff and with a nod of her head he stood and followed her to munitions. Walter watched the interaction between them and opened the gate leading to the back. He stepped aside waiting for Birkoff and Nikita to walk inside. when all three were away from prying eyes, there was silence as the men waited for Nikita to speak.She got right to the point. "On the mission to Genefex, Birkoff, you sent me to the top floor. Madeleine was waiting for me. I don'tremember anything after that. Can you find out what she did to me?"

"Sugar, anything for you but if they used drugs we should try to find out which ones. That way I can look for the antidote." Nikita nodded again and Walter reached around her pulling a syringe off of an uppershelf. Nikita rolled up her sleeve. After he had taken the blood sample, Walter opened the gate and watched as Birkoff walked to his station and Nikita went toward the gym.

He had to find out what they had done to his sugar that caused her to hurt Michael so much. Walter had had a funny feeling about the whole Genefex mission and since Nikita still had the transmitter from the Chernov mission, he decided to keep tabs on her. Unfortunately that had made him privy to the last conversation between Michael and Nikita. He had an idea of what Madeleine had used to reprogram Nikita, and he knew that it was possible to reverse the effects but it had to be done soon after the treatment and it was painful, but the longer they waited to reverse it, the more damage it would do, so they had to do it soon or risk Nikita’s sanity and health.

Walter walked around Michael trying to get his attention, Michael’s eyes were focused on a point outside the window. His soft crying was the only sound in the huge loft. Walter took Michael’s hand and realized that the young man had crawled inside himself. Walter worried that the pain he felt had caused Michael to lose his sanity. He tried everything to make Michael react but nothing brought the young man out of his protective shell. He had become catatonic and he was not reacting to any outside stimuli. Walter felt panic rise up in him. He had to call Nikita and find a way to reverse the reprograming before they completely lost Michael.

Walter was getting worried. Michael had not reacted at all since he arrived 4 hours ago. Making one last desperate call to Nikita, he learned from Birkoff that Nikita had over done it in gym and was now in medlab. Birkoff also told him that he had some information on the methods Section had used to reprogram Nikita.

Dejected, Walter thought about the information that Birkoff had provided. Section had used a combination of drugs and a new phasing shell. The drugs appeared to be a combination of the mind altering drugs Perez had used on Michael and some new drug variations Madeleine was experimenting on. All in all, very nasty stuff.

Walter had emailed the antidote's components to Birkoff. After preparing the serum, he had begged Lauren the new doctor to make the antidote. After he promised to give her Michael's private number she agreed.With that in place, Birkoff found a way to get the cameras that fed to Madeleine’s office to go off line, but it was risky.

He had only five minutes to get in medlab, give Nikita the antidote and get out before he was discovered.Back in comm, Birkoff tried to look busy. Now it was all up to Nikita.She needed to get her memory back soon. If Walter was right, Michael was now in serious danger. Worse, Madeleine would call any moment now to torture him even more, and then all hell would break loose!

Nikita had fallen asleep once she had received the antidote, and after a couple of hours of deep, satisfying rest she awoke in medlab. Her thoughts and memories were a bit fuzzy as she sat up and took the I.V.line out of her arm. Taking a few steadying breaths, she stood. Immediately severe pain shot through her head. Images and words came rushing at her like a tidal wave. She fell on her knees trying to control the bizarre sequence of pictures flashing one after the other,the pain intensifying with each. Voices shouted inside her mind.

"Nooooooooo!" Nikita’s screams were heard all the way to comm where a very frightened Birkoff was typing away furiously trying to get an image of what was happening in med lab. Madeleine and Operations were on their way to see Nikita when they heard the screams. They hurried and as they stepped inside, Operations became very angry at the scene before him.

"I wouldn't go so far as to classify it as a failure," Madeleine answered smoothly. "Yes, there appear to be drug interactions which have caused the bleeding. But that is no indication of the success of the reprogram. That will be determined if she survives this." Sitting at her desk, ignoring Operations frown, she continued, Let me call Michael and give him the news."She jumped as Operations fist sounded loudly against her desk.

Meanwhile in Michael’s loft, Walter had been trying to stay awake, not too difficult since Michael’s sobbing had not stopped. It had been seven hours since Walter had stepped into Michael’s loft to find the young man catatonic and clutching one of Nikita’s sweaters in his hands. Even now, Michael was in the same place, still rocking and crying, the sweater still clutched in his hands.

"Sorry, no can do!" Walter was desperate, struggling to think of something he could say that would get Madeline off the phone and keep her from calling again. Or worse, showing up. All he knew was that he had to keep section from finding out how bad Michael had reacted to Nikita’s rebuff!

"Walter put Michael on right NOW!" She heard the young man’s sobbing and ordered tech to activate the surveillance inside Michael’s loft. Appalled at the scene that greeted her she snapped at Walter, "I'm on my way and I'm bringing medical. Stay there until I arrive." Walter was beside himself. He guessed that Madeleine had turned the surveillance inside the loft on and had seen Michael’s condition. This was getting worse and worse!

The first fuzzy memory he had was spying one of Nikita’s favorite sweaters draped over the end of his bed. The instant his fingers closed around the soft wool, something snapped. He couldn't breathe as the room seemed to get smaller and cold sweat coursed down his back. Dizziness assailed him and he stumbled into the living room where he sank to the floor. He only had one clear though, he wanted to die. Nikita had become his life and without her there was no reason to fight, no reason to survive. Adam would be cared for and his sister had someone to love her and care for her.

"Why can't I be happy?" Michael keened aloud. Silently his torment continued. "I know section will never let us have a normal life, but I have given everything to them, my life, honor, wife, child, sanity. Why do I have to give them the only reason to keep living? Why can't they give us just a little bit of happiness? "God! Nikita will remember!" he screamed into the empty loft.

A cold shiver ran through his body and he closed his eyes, the tears still falling. That's when it began. In an unconscious move to protect himself and ease his pain, Michael began the journey inward. He started to claw his way back inside, to the place where he remembered he was safe, where no one could hurt him. Slowly the world's noise receded, and all he could hear was his heart beating. The rhythm soothed him. Then he became aware of a wall in front of him, thick and tall. He stood and ran as far as he could in either direction, but the wall never seemed to end. Michael was frightened.

"Where am I? How did I get here?" He tried to break the wall down with brute strength, but it was too hard. Then he saw it, a flash of blonde hair! He started to run after it, but then, without warning, something hit him and the last word he uttered before diving into oblivion was his beloved's name, "Nikita."

Walter looked up startled as he heard Michael speak. "Nikita," was all that he said as his swollen, red eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed. Walter ran to him and realized that Michael had finally passed out. Retrieving a blanket off the bed, he covered Michael where he lay.

He had spent the last 3 hours checking and rechecking the formula and finally he found the reason for her reaction, the drugs she had been administered combined with the antidote had caused a chain reaction to unlock her memories, Madeleine’s reprogramming had been doubled, so when Birkoff introduced the antidote, while Nikita was still receiving the reprogramming drugs through the I.V. it caused Nikita’s brain to give her a light show that she would never forget. It over stimulated her dormant memories and she started to remember all in fast, seizure inducing flashes that almost killed her.

Although Walter had been trying without success to wake Michael, the young man woke instantly as his front door opened. Even in his state, his body sensed the danger he was in. He scooted into a crouch in a corner, looking around frantically. When he saw Madeleine he tried to run, the sweater still clutched in his hands.

While Michael was taken to psych evaluation, Walter had gone to speak to Birkoff and then to medlab to inquire about Nikita. He was told she had come out of surgery, but they had to wait and see what happened. While he was in medlab, the doctor, a man named Jimenez, was summoned to Madeleine’s office.

"Doctor, what is Nikita’s condition?" Madeleine would never admit it aloud, but she was nervous. She knew that in addition to the risks of the surgery, the reprogramming methods she had used on Nikita were largely untested. She quelled her unease quickly by reminding herself that she had done what needed to be done.

"Madeleine, during surgery she slipped into a coma. We have her on a ventilator and are trying to bring her out, but it is difficult. There is not much that can be done." Straightening to his full height, he took a deep breath and continued. "Your little experiment destroyed two of section’s best operatives and might yet kill them. I went to check on Michael and he does not look good. Further, if Nikita does survive this, she might not be who everyone remembers. If that happens, you are aware that we will loose Michael."

"Do what you have to do," Madeleine snapped. "Just to be very clear,with Michael you must use every thing in Section's power to bring him back. Understand that anything is acceptable, from drugs to electro convulsive therapy. We need him back. Soon!" She leaned back in her chair and clasped her hands together. "As for Nikita, if you can save her go ahead. If not just cancel her. There is no reason to waste vital resources on a damaged op."

"Absolutely not! We will not restore Nikita’s memory. She is more valuable as a cold op the way she is now than how she used to be. If your assessment turns out to be correct, if we need the old Nikita to get Michael back, then cancel both now! This is not a nursery to cuddle our operatives. They either work for us under our terms or die!" She stood and very efficiently dismissed the doctor.

Birkoff had tunneled his way into Madeleine’s office and had listened to her conversation with the doctor. He was appalled at how cold and deadly Madeleine was. But, there was something wrong with this whole picture. For her to order the cancellation of section’s top operative, Operations' golden boy, something else was going on.

Birkoff knew that he had to go to George to make sure Michael and Nikita survived! Section had used everything they knew to bring Michael out of his self imposed catatonic state. Madeleine went so far as to make a tape of Nikita and Adam being canceled to make him react but nothing. He was lost. He was not eating, sleeping or moving.

The doctors had stopped Michael’s treatments a week ago, when they ran out of drugs and other gizmos to use to bring out a reaction. They also had stopped trying to pull Nikita out of her comatose state, knowing that the only solution was for Michael to bring her out. Yet she was the only one who could bring Michael out of his catatonia.

When he saw Nikita, he was tempted to order Madeleine’s immediate cancellation, but instead had chosen to wait, ordering her to move Michael into Nikita’s room and keep a 24 hour guard for their own protection. He also had ordered that as soon as Nikita came out of the coma she was to have all of her memories and emotions restored to her. Operations was fuming by the time George left and swore he would never listen to Madeleine when she was in one of her jealous moods!

Per George's instruction, Michael had been transferred to Nikita’s room and all drugs, including sedatives, had been stopped. Slowly Michael had regained consciousness. But as soon as he woke, he sprinted off the bed and crouched in the farthest corner from the door, his hands clutched tightly to his chest. The tears and the rocking began again, and that is how life passed for everyone concerned for three more weeks.

Nikita finally started showing some positive signs. First a hand moved, then her head turned toward the sound of Michael’s sobs. Within another two weeks she had reached full consciousness and although she was still weak and in a lot of pain, she was cognizant enough to realize that Michael was in serious trouble.

With the exception of about an hour from the time she entered the room in Genefex until she turned the corner and looked up to see Michael at the door, she remembered everything. She looked again through watery eyes at her beloved Michael. He was completely lost to his despair. "Madeleine and her damn experiments. " Nikita slowly got off the bed, taking the iv out she wrapped a towel over her arm and went to Michael. She crouched in front of him and her heart broke at the sight before her.

His face was ravaged. Tears ran down his gaunt cheeks, his eyes, surrounded by black, were unfocused, the light in them gone. He was rocking and his hands looked like they were clutching something to his chest, but there was nothing in them. She touched him tentatively and felt no reaction from him.

"I don't love you anymore." She pulled his hand to her lips and let the tears flow freely, the pain in her heart as strong as the pain in her head the day she had fallen into a coma. She cried for the man she loved, for the soul that had been rescued and brought back to life only to be damaged once again by the machinations of an overzealous Madeleine, who had reacted to their love as though it was some sort of threat to Section or the world.

Madeleine could not face Nikita, she had finally realized that the reasons for the couple's midnight rendezvous was not to destroy section but to spend time together, loving each other. She accepted that she had reacted badly. But Madeleine being Madeleine, she relegated that to the past and focused on the present. She needed to get Nikita to bring Michael back. Section was in dire straits, Red Cell and Black Star had joined forces and were attacking sub sections. They had already lost 3 and 7 was not far from being lost. The irony was not lost on her. Here Nikita was healing well, her thoughts, emotions and memories completely intact. But Michael might well be lost to them. This was the exact opposite of her intended resolution.

At Nikita’s suggestion, the perfect place was set, the cabin in Brussels. Walter and Birkoff had been sent ahead to set surveillance, comm and everything else that the couple would need for six weeks, the amount of time Nikita would be allowed to get Michael to react. To everyone concerned, this would be a Herculean effort.

For four days, Nikita struggled to regain her strength and stamina, she watched Michael in the corner. Medlab personnel informed her that Michael would only sleep when she slept, waking the instant that she did. To keep him as close to her as possible and make sure that he rested as much as possible, Nikita had her bed removed and a mattress brought in and put in the corner. It felt strange to do everything for Michael.

He would only eat if she fed him and even then a few bites was all she could manage. She walked him around the small room, and put him to bed each night. When Nikita was awake, he never slept and the rocking continued. The crying had finally slowed to whimpers, but it was driving Madeleine and Operations up the wall.

In Nikita's opinion, that was just fine, they deserved to never have peace in their lives for what they had done to her beloved.The weird thing was that since she had started to make Michael walk, he would recoil from the door. Every time they got near it, he would stop, and slip to the floor rocking and whimpering all over again.

Nikita had been combing Michael’s hair after a mid day shower and suddenly when Madeleine walked in, his head shot up and he turned and cowered in the corner where he had spent so many sleepless weeks. Nikita tried to comfort him but he was desolate, his breathing had become rapid and shallow, his eyes wild and he clutched his hands to his chest like he had done before. What scared Nikita more than anything was what happened after that. Madeleine had decided to get close, try to speak to him.

She pulled Nikita aside and crouched in front of Michael. At that moment he had let out a loud wail, and had cowered even closer to the wall, his eyes very wild. He looked around and suddenly sprinted for the door. As Nikita grabbed his arm, Madeleine was able to take a hold of his other arm. When he felt Madeleine's touch he recoiled and started shaking. Not even Nikita’s voice would calm him down. She wondered what Madeleine had done to Michael to give him such fear of her.

That was when things started to get worse. Before that fateful day in medlab, Michael was docile, childlike, and would eat and sleep when prompted, but now, he did not sleep, except when sedated, he would not eat, or move from his corner. Worse, the crying was back, this time louder and more heart wrenching.

After Michael and Nikita were finally alone at the cabin, Michael was still asleep so Nikita took the liberty of exploring the cabin. It was changed from what she remembered, it had electricity and the kitchen had been redone, the bedroom up stairs was remodeled, with a new bed and a big closet, there was bars on the windows and a new state of the art security system, plus all doors had been removed and in their place thick wood doors with big locks had been installed. There was a new 4x4 in the garage and there had been a small camp set up about a mile away with three guards and one medic to help if needed. Nikita showered and changed into the sweater Walter said Michael had been clutching in his hands the day he was found. She made a light meal and sat on the bed holding Michael's hand in hers. That is how she fell asleep a few minutes later.

Nikita tried to touch him but he was already trying to move again, this time toward the door. She took his hand and he wrenched it from her. He slid to the floor in the middle of the cabin and the rocking started again. This time no sound came from him but he was shaking visibly and his breathing was ragged.

Her evil laugh sounded so loud, he was terrified. He did not remember why, but his fear was tangible. He could taste his own blood from biting his lip and trying to not scream as she touched him, but it was in vain. The moment her dark hand touched him he sprinted against the wall, clawing at it. But it did no good, it never gave, until a soft light touched the darkness and it receded. He felt the soft caress of the light but could not respond. He heard its melodious voice calling him but he had been chipping at that damned wall for what seemed months.

Today he had finally been able to make a small hole, the size of a quarter in the impenetrable wall. He tried to look out and what he saw frightened him. Beyond the wall there was a room that seemed familiar.Then he had seen a flash of blonde hair and had jumped, trying to chip at the wall even faster but he was so tired. It seemed like an eternity since he had rested.

He was so cold, he wrapped his arms around his body trying to keep warm. Suddenly he felt a soft warm touch. He could not see anyone but the warmth was extending to his whole body. He still felt wretched but the warmth was so very comforting. He let himself relax in the warm softness and soon fell asleep.When he awoke he felt energetic, more determined than ever to chip at that wall and get to the other side. He remembered that he needed to get back, but he knew that outside this place where he was, his reason for living was gone. Suddenly he was not sure if he should try to break the wall down or just stay here. He knew the dark ones had done everything to return him to their world. He had felt every pain and convulsion he had experienced while under the dark woman's control. But the soft voice kept calling him, begging him to return to her. He knew it was a trick. She did not love him anymore, she was gone, her sweet innocent spirit killed by the darkness that surrounded him.

Nikita had noticed that as she caressed his hair he had started to relax, she slowly rose and pulled him with her to the bed. He tried to struggle but she had his hands in hers and was not letting go. She knew how much this place relaxed him, knew he loved this cabin and had dreamed of some day living here with her. That was why she had chosen this place to try and bring him out of the hell he was in. The time they had spent here was special, it was when they had started their journey back to each other. He had started to open his heart to her here and she knew that if he was ever coming back he would return to her here, at the place where they started to let their love for each other show, where he had made love to her for the first time since the Armel mission, and where he had let her crawl into his heart a little more.

She pulled his sweater off and pushed him to lie on the bed. He had pulled his hands from hers and was clutching them against his chest again. He laid on his side and as she covered him with her arms she felt him slowly relax even more. Soon his breathing was even and soft, he had finally fallen asleep.

She took the time to make a light meal and get a change of clothes out for him. She was not going to take him upstairs until he was well on his way to her. She was afraid that in one of his fear induced sprints he would fall down the stairs and hurt himself or her.Too soon for her he woke up and was now on the bed rocking softly, whimpering again. It broke her heart to see him so broken and all because section had decided that they would punish them for what had been outlawed in the past.

George had told Nikita that he had not been comfortable with Paul and Madeleine being together, and Adrian had slowly made them fall out of love, but Adrian had relaxed too much, and Paul had taken by force what she and George had built.It was strange to remember Adrian. Nikita had made herself forget many things Adrian had talked about, but one thing had started to slowly make its way into her memory, the day Adrian had told her to use Michael. She had known Michael would protect Nikita even with his own life.

Adrian had been planning to take over section and place Michael and Nikita as leaders, but Nikita had betrayed Adrian, and George knew this. He had forgiven Nikita for that, but now Nikita swore she would do anything to get Michael back and she would take steps to prevent what had been done by Madeleine.

As time passed they both fell into a routine, she would wake and after a light breakfast and shower they would take a long walk. Nikita hoped that the walks would make Michael try to come back. She would spend her afternoons talking to him, telling him what she remembered and about her life before section. He was back to his docile self again.

He would still rock back and forth and whimper but when she laid him down in bed he would close his eyes and fall asleep in her arms. He had started to feed himself although only a few spoonfuls. He was reacting to his new environment, and Nikita was optimistic that he would make a full recovery. But she knew it would take time, more than she had, so she had sent a message to George asking for more time.

"I wonder what is going on in your world? Are you so happy there that you don't want to come back? I know how much I hurt you but please, please my love come back. I love you so much, and we don't have much time. I need you and want to feel your arms around me again. Please if you can, come back." Nikita started to cry softly burying her face in his soft hair.

She ran after him and held him against her when he finally collapsed. She helped him up and took him to the bed. He was holding her hand in his and when she sat him on the edge of the bed, he pulled her to him, surrounding her waist with his arms and burrowing his face in her soft abdomen. He started crying again.

Those three days had shown her the hidden side to Michael and that was what endeared her more to him, to see the gentleness and sweetness he hid from everyone.Later she had also seen how wonderful he was as a father. With his precious Adam he had let all pretense and masks fall. She saw a side of Michael that she had seen only once before and that made his lies and betrayal seem unimportant.

She would not ask for more than he was willing to give. Now she had to give all she had to get Michael back, and as she laid him down softly he pulled her with him. She laid down beside him and pulled him to her, his face buried in her neck and his soft breath finally slowing to a deep sleep.

Nikita let herself sleep, for the first time really holding him in her arms. She knew the healing had started, but with one week left she also knew they needed more time, at least one more month to get Michael as functional as possible. But for now, she would stay in his arms and heal his damaged and broken heart.

Nikita tried to understand what had happened to make him this confused. She sat beside him on the bed and held him while he cried. After what seemed an eternity he slowed his sobbing and tried to move away. He knew instinctively that he was not supposed to be comforted, that he was to spend his life alone, but he also knew he wanted to be with this angel, he wanted her light and softness.

She made 2 cups of coffee and gave one to Michael, who sipped slowly.Nikita’s mind was racing. Although this reminded her of the time that he had been taken by Perez, Michael had not been drugged for weeks. What could have caused this? In the silence, Michael was trying to understand what was happening.

She called me Michael, not Michel, he thought. Why do I feel like holding her in my arms and running away? Where are we? What is this place? It's nice, cozy, but I need to get away from here. As he was thinking he tried to stand but Nikita took his hand and pulled him towards her. He stiffened at first, but soon relaxed and let her soft touch comfort him.

Michael had somehow lost his memory. What had caused it? Was it the catatonic state? The drugs section used to bring him back? Or was it her rebuff of his love that caused him to block out his whole life? A few other unimportant thoughts ran through her mind, too. "What will section do? How do I keep them from finding out? What if this is permanent?" But she did not pay much attention to them, they were irrelevant compared to trying to get him to remember.

"Hi Nikita. Madeleine sends these bags to you. She said that you will need food and clothing for five more weeks, and she sent a laptop. She thinks that if he can hear Adam he might come out of this faster." Nikita hugged Birkoff and told him to set the laptop on the kitchen table and pull up everything that he could on Michael’s file, even Madeleine’s secret files.

As soon as Michael felt the bed move he opened his eyes and sprinted from the bed, crouching behind Nikita and holding on to her for dear life. He was shaking and whimpering softly so she took Michael’s hand and pulled him to her. She took two pills from the med bag and forced them down Michael’s throat. He acted so confused and frightened but took the pills and drank the juice she gave him.

Nikita surrounded him with her arms and slowly pulled him to her lap. She spoke softly to him, caressing his hair and soon the meds had taken effect and he was sleeping, a bit fitfully but sleeping none the less. Nikita looked up to see Birkoff watching the interaction and Walter watching her with a soft smile on his face.

Walter took her in his arms seeing how fatigued she was. She welcomed the hug and returned it with some trepidation. She wanted to let them know what had happened in the last two days but she could not. If section realized what was happening they would be protected, she would be the only one punished for keeping from them that Michael was back, somewhat. So Nikita stood and went to the kitchen and offered them some breakfast. Walter told her to sit, he would make breakfast.

Birkoff had resumed his work on the laptop after a small smile brightened his face. He knew that Nikita was trying to hide how tired and desolate she felt, and he knew she took comfort in their presence. He turned to the screen with a small smile on his face and worked harder to get the intel she needed, wondering why she needed it.

But Birkoff would not ask, he would do what she wanted and help her protect Michael. He had felt very sorry for breaking their trust and ratting them out to Madeleine. He knew that somehow he was responsible for all the mess they had gone through. He knew that if he had not told Madeleine about them meeting, they would have not been forced into this situation so soon.

But after the reprogramming and the last words she spoke to him, he had lost his sanity. He had not expected to see Michael become catatonic. He had seen how bad Michael had reacted to losing Simone, and it was understandable how bad he felt after losing Adam but this was beyond his comprehension. He knew Michael and Nikita loved each other deeply,but he never expected to see Michael like this.

To him, Michael was strong, invincible, not even two bullets would stop him. But now, a few words of rejection had turned the machine man into a lost soul, bereft of time and place. He did not know where he was or what was happening around him and Birkoff was afraid that this time Section had gone too far, and they had lost Michael for good.

Walter's thoughts were in the same area as Birkoff’s but he knew something was different. Michael had been receptive to Nikita. He accepted her comfort and care, but he had not seen Michael react like this ever. He knew that Nikita and Michael shared a special psychic bond, one that only soul mates shared, but this was different. It was like Michael was aware of his environment and was trying to hide it. But that could not be. If Michael had reacted Nikita would have told them, or would she?

"Sugar, I need some blood samples and I was ordered to give Michael this new serum to help him come out of the catatonic state. It has been administered before sugar, but it did not work so Madeleine had the formula altered some and had some nice results." He was approaching the bed when he realized Nikita was blocking the access to Michael. He asked her to let him do what he had been ordered to.

As Walter approached Michael with the syringe, he sprinted off the bed and tried to stay away from them. His trembling increased so that he could barely walk, or stand. His eyes were glazed and he finally collapsed against Nikita.Walter got the blood sample while Nikita soothed Michael and tried to hold him as tight as she could. He kept coming in and out of consciousness and his skin was pale and clammy.

After what seemed hours but must have been fifteen minutes, Walter got the results back. It was as he had thought, Michael had been receiving the serum Madeleine had ordered him to give. He also had found out that the serum had a special property that made the subject extremely sensitive to suggestion.

Finally Walter had realized Michael was almost out of his catatonic state, but had an idea why Nikita was keeping it a secret. If he was correct, Michael did not remember a lot of his life, and she was protecting him.While trying to find a way to return Michael's memory, Nikita had the right to keep this intel to herself. If Section found out Michael had reacted, they would take him and reprogram him. By keeping this secret, Nikita was ensuring that she had five more weeks to help Michael regain his memory.

Walter was forced to give Michael a strong sedative because he was getting more agitated and they needed to keep him calm. So after trying to corner him, Nikita was able to inject a tranq into him and a few minutes later he collapsed in her arms, The only words he said were very slurred but she understood them perfectly. "Let me die."

Walter and Birkoff stayed inside watching over Michael."Walter why did Michael say that?" Birkoff was very confused by the whole scene. He knew Michael had a formidable sense of survival, but his words had affected even him. He wondered why Michael would want to die. What could be so bad that he would be willing to leave Nikita in Section alone? Birkoff sat on the couch, his face in his hands and tried to understand.

Walter was taking another blood sample and checking it against the ones he already had. He was worried about Nikita. He saw how much pain was reflected in her eyes when Michael said those last words. Her skin paled and her eyes filled with tears. Walter knew that Nikita felt responsible for Michael's condition, but he knew it was not her fault.

She was under the influence of powerful, mind altering drugs, and Michael’s reaction, while normal for him, had resulted in him losing his sanity.Walter had realized how bad Michael had tried to protect himself. He had seen it before when Simone was lost, but never to such a degree. Of course Michael had never before let himself love the way he loved Nikita. Even Birkoff had noticed how powerful and overwhelming Michael's love for Nikita was. That is what had caused this mess.

Nikita had not been able to stop the tears. Michael's last words had broken her heart. She realized how badly she had hurt Michael and she knew that if someone had to die it would be her. She was the problem in Section, Operations would be very glad to get rid of her. But if she died Michael, would lose it again, maybe this time forever, and she was not willing to hurt him like that. She had destroyed him once, but never again! Nikita was already devising a plan to protect herself and Michael from Section's experiments. It was risky but it had to be done. It would mean an unholy alliance with someone who could make sure that if anything went wrong with either Michael or Nikita the other would be informed almost immediately. But this had to be kept secret from everyone she knew. Only Michael would know this secret, if his sanity ever returned.

"Sugar, I'm not sure. He has been under a lot of stress, and his mind is suffering, but don't pay attention to what he said. He was drugged and his psyche is damaged. Right now, we just need to keep the drugs from entering his system. That is the tricky part. I'll have to ask permission to administer the drugs myself. If I can do this, I'm sure Michael will regain his memory."Nikita looked at him, frightened.

"When he awoke and looked at you, then started to rock. After I approached him on the bed he tried to jump, but one look at you and he started rocking again. I knew he had returned but was suspicious why you were keeping it to yourself. Then I saw that he did not recognize Birkoff and me. He was cowering behind you so I knew he trusted you but he did not remember you. Michael has a very developed sense of trust, and he only trusts one person that I have seen and that is you sugar. He did not even trust Simone as much as he trusts you.”

During the whole time Michael had stirred twice. It appeared that his nightmares had returned, but he had not awakened. Nikita knew he needed as much rest as possible because the next five weeks would be hell for both of them. She was glad there was no surveillance in the cabin. She would need all the patience she had to not only control Michael but to try and return his memories to him.

Birkoff had left Michael’s complete file and she had decided to read it while he slept. It was long and by the time she finished late at night she had realized just how much damage Section had done. His medical file was extensive especially during the periods after Simone had died and when Nikita had been missing. It broke her heart to see just how much they had done to him. Also, she finally found the answer to the question she had been asking since the war with Red Cell when it had been revealed that Simone and Michael had a son. It was true! The child had died alone at the tender age of six months, from an unknown fever. Now she knew how much Michael had been repressing and she was afraid that the task of returning his memories would be astronomical.

While she had been reading the last of the file, Michael had started slowly waking. It still took him a couple of hours to wake fully; the tranq they had used had been strong and it had put Michael under for fifteen hours, which was a miracle. He normally had such a high tolerance for drugs that he came out of any drug induced sleep within a couple of hours.

She approached him slowly, trying not to frighten him. As she took his hand he looked up and she saw the fear and pain in his eyes. He did not speak, all he did was look at her and launch himself into her arms. She hugged him to her fiercely. His sobs returned and all she could do was hold him. For what seemed hours, Michael sobbed. Nikita caressed his hair and face making comforting sounds until his sobs calmed to whimpers. She helped him to stand and slowly took him to the couch. She asked him to sit and wait but he would not let go of her hand so she took him to the kitchen with her. There she made a cup of soup and somecoffee. He had let go of her hands to surround her waist and put his chin on her shoulder. The tears still flowed as he watched her warm the soup and prepare coffee.

Nikita had to sit on the couch with him and feed him the soup for he would not feed himself. His eyes trying to not meet hers, shyly he ate the soup and drank the coffee. After they had eaten she settled on the couch with Michael in her arms and started to ask him why he jumped off the bed and had taken hold of her and not let go.

Michael turned his face away, afraid of what she would see. He had a feeling that he was not supposed to trust anyone, but he trusted this woman before him. She was gentle and sweet, and she seemed to love him. But he didn't remember anything and he was getting frustrated. He tried to remember her name. Or his name, or anything that would give him a clue about what was going on!He slowly disentangled himself from her embrace and stood. Dizzy and a bit unstable, he went to the bed and sat, his elbows on his knees,his face buried in his hands. He could not remember anything. All he remembered was being at home in Marseilles playing with his sister.

"Tell me what ever you remember. Please, I need to know so I can help you." Nikita had taken a seat beside Michael on the bed and was caressing his jaw softly, trying to show him he could trust her. She was afraid that he had lost too much of his life. If he was asking for his sister did he remember the bombing? Rene? Section? Her? She needed to know so she could start reminding him about his life.

Then Michael turned his jade eyes to meet hers and slowly he told her what he remembered which was not much. He remembered how he lost his parents when he was 16 years old. How he had to sell his father's firm and deal with the lawyers. How he had moved with Monique to a small apartment in Paris shortly after their parents death. He recalled that he had been trying to finish school and get into Paris University. He remembered that chemistry and physics had been his two favorite subjects. Then Michael remembered meeting Rene Dion, some sort of explosion and then nothing else.

Nikita had listened carefully to his narrative, amazed that he had lost so much! He had already suffered so much before meeting Rene, and now she had to show him what his life had been like after the explosion he remembered. She assumed this was the one for which he was caught and sentenced to prison.

"Michael, you were responsible for that explosion. You were tried and sentenced to life in prison. You committed suicide in prison and Section then recruited you. You were trained at Section Seven for four years before being transferred to Section One. You had climbed the ranks fast. By the time you came to Section One you were level three and soon after you acquired level four. You have been in Section since you were eighteen years old." She had to stop when she saw his expression, how terrified and full of pain it was.

Nikita tried to take his hand but he pulled it away and stood. He almost passed out from the dizziness and the images that had been flashing again in his mind. He grabbed the edge of the table but missed and bumped his temple against the edge. He slipped to the floor unconscious, a thin line of blood making its way down the left side of his face.

Nikita applied pressure to the cut, while she pushed the panic button under the table. A medic appeared a few minutes later and between the two guards and the medic they carried Michael to the bed. The medic stitched the cut, applied some antibiotics and was about to inject Michael when Nikita took the medic's hand and almost broke it. She told the medic that Michael’s medication had been administered that morning. The medic tried again to inject Michael but Nikita made sure the medic would not be able to touch her love. She delivered a round house kick to his head and the medic crumpled to the ground. She told the guards to take the medic and leave, that they were not needed.

‘Nikita! That's her name! God! Help me remember!’ Michael looked at her and smiled. He asked for some aspirin. She gave him three and then sat beside him again, caressing his hair and asked him to tell her what else he remembered. He didn't have time to answer when a knock came to the door. She stood to open it, and watched as Michael ran to the corner and started to rock again, softly sobbing. She knew tha t it was a reaction to fear.

Madeleine tried to go to Michael but he started to rock harder and the sobs got louder. Nikita immediately went to him. He was either acting catatonic or he had really returned to his world of shadows. She took his hand and tried to make him stand and go to the bed but he did not budge so she sat beside him.

"I hope so. He is still not responding. You saw that Birkoff had to go and get new supplies? Well it was because Walter got too close to Michael and Michael sprinted from his seat and basically destroyed the whole cabinet trying to claw his way far away from Walter and Birkoff. We needed a new one plus more food." She hoped that the small lie would hold.

She gently laid his head on the pillow and went to offer the Section leaders some coffee. They declined and asked if she needed any thing. She said no and they decided to leave. Madeleine went to sit on the bed, taking his hand in hers. But even deeply sedated, he reacted by pulling his hand from hers and whimpering softly. Nikita took his hand and he quieted. Madeleine looked at Nikita with hate in her eyes, but then shuttered them and smiled her Mona Lisa smile.

Nikita was terrified, she could not get Michael to remember in such a small period of time. He was just barely remembering some and if she pushed he might get worse instead of better. She took him in her arms and let herself sleep, but her sleep was not peaceful. It was filled with flashes of light and pain.

Now his eyes showed confusion. "Remember what?" Nikita took his hand and helped him to the bathroom, drew a nice bath and helped him bathe. She remembered another time when she bathed Michael, but that time they had been playing water sports and the bath had been forgotten a few minutes after starting.After the bath she made a light dinner. She again had to feed him. He was reverting to his prior behavior and she was frightened. So she took him to the lap top and showed him the rest. Simone, their son, his mentoring her, Elena, Adam, and the loss of Adam. The results were catastrophic.

Michael seemed to be doing fine until she showed the last picture, of Adam. Suddenly he grabbed his head and started screaming for the voices to stop. Nikita was about to call a medic when he took her hand and said not to. She looked into his eyes and realized that he was remembering, but it was hurting him. During the episode his nose had started to bleed. She helped him to the couch and got a cold compress.

After several minutes he turned to her and asked her to tell him more. He remembered some but not all, and he wanted specifics. She told him that it was enough for today and closed the lap top. Then she pulled him to the bed and made him lie down. He took her in his arms and fell asleep soon after.

Nikita was frightened of his reaction to the memories so she kept the memory sessions to a minimum until Walter could take a sample of his blood and check it for the same drugs used on her. It was difficult to help Michael remember, he would forget many things after a few hours and she had to remind him again.

Birkoff was able to tunnel into a white room camera that had been disabled. He told Nikita that Michael was at Section and was being interrogated and to get back ASAP! She took the first transport back and arrived at Section several hours after Michael had been taken. She tried to open the door, but couldn't open it so she went to Madeleine.

Madeleine was appalled at what Paul had done. She and Nikita went to the white room and opened the door. What they saw almost made Madeleine want to kill Operations.On a gurney, strapped to a machine and convulsing severely from the electric current traveling through him was Michael. His nose and ears were bleeding and his skin was pale and covered by sweat.

Nikita turned terrified eyes to Madeleine. "Nikita, take Michael with you, you have six more weeks to reverse the damage that has been done today."Madeleine looked at Operations and made sure he understood that if George got wind of this he would cancel both of them. She wanted him to remember that they were already on thin ice with Oversight for the key file.

Against Operations orders they untied Michael and tried to carry him, but to no avail. He was too limp, Madeleine called medical to check him, after he was thouroughly checked, the doctor came to the room and advised them that he had received a brain concussion which in his prior condition was bad, he was unconsciouss and they would give him a stimulant to awake, they needed to see how much damage the electro convulsive therapy had done, the doctor turned and spoke to Operations,

“ you will not speak to me in that manner! This is insubordination, just tell us if it worked or not” Operations was fumming, he was in deep with the last 6 missions and the loss of section 3 , it was true they needed him back functional but it was taking too long, he had to get Michael back anyway he could, “ the treatment worked before, why does it not work now?”

Madeleine tried to appase operations by explaining that the last time it had been done Michael had not been in this condition then she turned to Nikita who was very angry and explained that it had been done on 4 occasions the first 2 times had been to train him the third time was after Simone was lost, and the last time had been shortly before She had returned from the dead, Nikita was speechless, how could they do this torture to their heir? They had to know how much damage it caused, Nikita turned to the doctor and said

Michael’s eyelashes started to flutter and open, he took some minutes to fully awake but when he did they saw what they were afraid of, his eyes were focused on a point on the ceiling, Nikita took his face and turned it towards her, but his eyes that had been clear and cognizant a couple of days ago were again dead, she tried to make him focus on her but to no avail. He was back inside his mind and this time it was worse, he was limp, unresponsive, completely gone, he did not even move or rock, just laid there looking lost.

“ are you happy now!!!! He was reacting! He was looking at me! Look at him now! He is lost, worse than before! Why? Why did you do this?” she laid beside Michael and burried her face in his neck, and cried, her tears washing the blood from his neck, the doctor had hoped that Michael would react, at least return somewhat to them, but the treatment had reversed what had been achieved.

Walter was furious he and Birkoff had been watching the whole scene and Walter stood and barely able to walk from rage went to Nikita, he told the doctor that if Michael was going to come back it would not be here, they needed to return to the cabin and this time no drugs, nothing that would interfere with the recovery, he turned to the window and demanded to take Michael home or he would call George and tell him everything. Operations was angry but Madeleine had been able to control him

“Let them go Paul, our way failed, they are too close to separate, we must try and help them if they need to be together to function then that is what we will give them, let them take Michael home and give them the time for him to recover” she smiled and turned towards the room, “ you may take him Nikita, see if he needs to be sedated for the trip, bon voyage!”

Walter decided to tell Nikita what he had found in the vitamins and sedatives they had been giving Michael, she was angry when he told her the 3 first ingredients, by the time he gave the last of them she was furious! She tried to call George but could not get through, someone was jamming the frecuencies, she turned to Walter and he was having the same problem with the laptop, she started to worry, Walter gave her an imperceprible nod and she started to move around the cabin checking for surveillance, they found 3 microphones and 2 cameras, they were destroyed and Nikita convinced Walter to leave, for his own protection, he did not like it but knew he would do more good in section.

Nikita had been alone with Michael for hours before he started to respond, his eyelashes fluttered and slowly he opened his eyes, at first nothing had changed he had focused his eyes on a point on the ceiling, but as Nikita started to caress his hair and try to make him react he turned and tried to sit, when Nikita would not let him he started to become agitated and she relented, he sat up, looked around and slowly stood, dizzy and unfocused he moved to the corner and started to rock again, the tears streamming down his face, but his eyes were bright and clear, Nikita took a deep breath and approached him, he looked up and their eyes locked.

What she saw there made her gasp, where before there was pain and confusion now was rage and fear, he had locked his gaze with hers and as she got closer he flinched away from her, his fear was evident as she looked into his beautiful green eyes, she slowly lifted her hand and extended it toward Michael, he looked at it bewildered, tilting his head slightly to the side he slowly lifted his hand and touched her fingers with his, he looked up at the electricity running between them, her smile bright and genuine, she took his hand in hers and tried to pull him toward her, but he did not move, he would not release her eyes, his eyes spoke volumes and she had learned in the 5 years they had known each other to read his eyes, it had taken her many sleepless nights and huge head aches but she had learned to read his emotions and silent words in them.

Finally she released his hand and stood, went to the kitchen and made some coffee, he watched her, his eyes never leaving her face, she looked toward him and gave him a small smile, he returned her smile with a big, bright one of his own, she took a drink of her coffee and took the other cup to him, he slowly sipped and sat down in his corner, she sat beside him and enjoyed the closeness they were sharing, after they had finished their coffee, she stood, and begged him to come with her, he had begun to rock softly again and she knew the treatment Operations gave Michael had completely destroyed any progress they had made.

Michael was barely aware of his surroundings, he looked at her and smiled when she smiled, he made no attempt to move, and would not budge even if she took his hand and pulled, it seemed that he recognised her in some subconsciouss level, but for all intents and purposes he was unresponsive and semi catatonic once more, she had spent all day trying to coax him out of his corner, he would not eat or drink anything unless she gave it to him, he would not move, his knees drawn up against his chest and his head laying on them, that is how he spent the first day, but when darkness approached and she tried a final time to get him in bed he took her hand and obliged, lying on his side and bringing his knees against his chest he surrounded them with his arms and after feeling Nikita cover him with her arms he let himself sleep, and since that day when they returned from section and for 12 days the routine was the same, he would wake, smile at her and move to the corner where he spent the whole day, and at night she was able to move him to the bed, on the 13th. Day, Nikita woke up first and slowly pulled Michael against her, he opened his eyes and burried his face against her neck and softly started to cry, after several minutes his crying slowed and she finally was able to make him look at her, he stared at her like he had never seen her before and tried to disentangle himself from her embrace, but she would not let him, she asked him softly.

He looked at her, his eyes filled with tears, he covered his face with his hands, shook his head and tried to move away but she did not let him, the sobs were soft, but as he got more anguished his breathing got rapid and shallow and the sobs grew in intensity until the only sound in the cabin was his heart wrenching cries, there was nothing she could do but hold him, he had surrounded her waist with his shaking arms and had burried his face against her breast, she could feel the pain and anguish he was experiencing, she tried to calm him down some by softly rocking with him and caressing his hair, a gesture she knew he loved and had a calming effect on him, slowly his sobbing slowed but he did not let go, several minutes later she felt him go limp in her arms and realised he had fallen asleep, she laid back on the pillows taking him with her, his head pillowed on her breast and his hands at her sides, softly clenched, like a baby’s, she saw his face once more relaxing in slumber and she let herself sleep.

She was worried about his sanity, for where before he had responded to prompts to move he now would barely budge from his corner, she had placed a pillow and some blankets so he would be more comfortable, he still followed her with his eyes, never leaving her face, even in sleep he would turn instinctively toward her, that was the only time he ever moved from his corner, and it had taken her 17 hours to achieve, he still sobbed constantly and the rocking albeit slower was still going on.

Walter had come 3 times and those times she had been forced to sedate Michael for they were the only times when he got violent, he would scream and rock faster sobbing loudly and his eyes would get wild, he would not move from the corner but when he first reacted in that manner they had seen Michael hyperventilate into unconscioussness, and Nikita had been terrified that he had gone mad, they had finally realised that it was Michael’s self defense mechanism, an unconsciouss way to escape the torture of his situation.

The days went by slowly, every day she gained an inch with Michael, he had been reacting to the sound of her voice, her touch, her smiles and tender care, but still he was basically catatonic, he was not doing anything on his own and that was worrying everyone, he should have reacted by now, and his progress was extremelly slow, even George was worried.

Nikita had been doing everything in her power to bring him out of his semi catatonic state, from walking him around the cabin, to listening to his favorite songs, the last attempt had backfired somewhat, she had decided to use Adam to try and make him react, so she had gotten Birkoff to connect her laptop to the surveiilance at Elena’s house, his reaction was not bad, per se, he took a couple of hours to react outwardly, he had remained rocking, but after a couple of hours of listening to Adam and Elena play and talk he had started to cry quietly.

He stood from the corner and went to the bathroom, the sobbing got louder and as Nikita followed Michael to the bathroom she saw that he had taken the knife she had hidden under the sink, she tried to move closer to take it from him but at that moment he looked up and she saw fear and absolute devastation in his jade green eyes, she looked at Michael trying to show in her eyes all the love and fear she had for him, he turned away and swiftly closed and locked the door.

He positioned the knife against his left wrist, and pushed slightly, a few drops of blood surfaced and he pushed harder, but while Michael was distracted by the knife cutting his flesh Nikita was pounding at the door, making a big hole in the middle, but she took long to get the hole made and by the time she kicked the door in he had already made the cut and was now sitting on the floor, his wrist slashed and bleeding profusely his head bowed his breathing heavy and rapid, he had lost a large amount of blood.

Michael had started to sob as he locked the door, saying softly under his breath. “ the monster must die” Nikita had not been able to really understand what he had been saying until she had broken the door down and saw the loss of blood, as she approached him he turned to her and smiled, he let his eyes roam all over her face and said his first words in weeks,” the monster is dead” and then he blacked out.

Nikita grabbed his wrist and wrapped it in a towel, putting as much pressure as she could on the wound, she then pulled Michael’s inert body outside the bathroom and toward the bed, she was able to carefully lift him into the bed and ran to call the medic who arrived several minutes later and proceeded to stitch his wrist and check his vital signs, his breathing was rapid and shallow, his heart beat was erratic, he was as pale as alabaster .

His eyelashes fluttered and slowly his eyes opened, his sight was riveted on a spot for several long hours until Nikita could not stand it any longer and had gone to sit beside Michael, she took his hand and softly caressed his curly hair, it took several more hours to get him to react at all, but slowly he turned his face toward her caress and closed his eyes, his face showing a grimace of pain and desolation Walter had rarely seen, but when Michael opened his eyes and focused his attention on Nikita, she was able to see some recognition in his eyes, but he recoiled from her and tried to move but dizziness assailed him and he landed on his knees, slowly he crawled to his corner and tried unsuccesfully to stand and run, the dizziness again dimed his barely awake mind, he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes,

He again tried to run but Walter stopped him with a tranq dart, which emdeded itself by accident above his heart, he collapsed immediatelly and Nikita and Walter went to him, they moved Michael to the bed and were able to keep him sedated for 5 days, they finally decided to wean Michael from the drug induced sleep he had been on for 6 days, and so Nikita spent 24 hours waiting til the heavy sedatives Michael had been under left his system and he started to awake, his eyes opened and were unfocused and lost for several minutes but slowly he closed his eyes again and when he opened them again a few minutes later he turned toward Nikita and smiled, a soft, shy smile, Nikita moved to sit beside him and he flinched away from her, he sat up and looked at her with huge, wild eyes and asked. “ where are we?”

Nikita smiled knowing Michael’s love for answering a question with a question, and she stood and walked to Michael who had stopped at the window and was frowning, wondering why there were bars on the windows, he turned toward her and she slowly walked closer, as she got to within 2 feet of him he started to fidget and tried to move away from her proximity, his head hurt severely but he had been trying to hide the pain from the beautiful woman in front of him, but she took a couple of aspirin and offered them to him, he smiled and took them swallowing them dry, he turned back to the window and she put her hand on his shoulder and asked him again what date it was and when he looked at her again there were tears in his eyes and he answered so sincerely.

“ Michael this is nov. 1999, and I am Nikita, you trained me almost 5 years ago, Simone was lost 3 years ago on a raid to glass curtain, it took you a long time to recover from her loss” he turned away and tried unsuccesfully to control his pain, but it was like the first time, then the flashes started, he let the coffee cup slip from his numb fingers and kneeled on the floor, grabbing his head and rocking rapidly, his eyes closed and full of tears streaming down his perfect cheeks, his nose bleeding.

Michael awoke with an intense pain in his head, he looked around but did not recognize where he was, his eyes slowly fell on the angel asleep by his side, her golden hair fanned out a few strands touching his face, he was confuzed and scared, he looked around the cabin and finally found what he was searching for, but his eyes kept falling back to watch the angel sleep, he knew he needed to get away, the pain was increasing and his nose was starting to bleed, he moved slowly, careful not to wake Nikita.

He stood and walked to the window, watching the early dawn make it’s precense, he took the bandage off his wrist and sliced the stitches off, slowly and carefully he slashed his wrist again, the pain in his head was severe and the images were flashing again, he turned and walked unsteadily to the door.

He managed to open it and slip out, he turned to the right and moved, the dizziness, pain and numbness were his constant companions, too late did he realise it was freezing, he had walked out with a T-shirt and sweat pants, socks, no shoes, he put his arms around his body for warmth, the pain in his head was increassing to an inhuman level, he could barely see, black spots dancing in front of his eyes, his breathing rapid and shallow, he stumbled and fell, landing on his injured wrist, he had not realised that he was leaving a trail of blood, he crawled to a tree and used it’s trunk to pull himself to his feet, the effort almost making him pass out, his eye sight blurry and the numbness was overcoming him, he looked toward a flash of light and the images started again.

“ I don’t love you anymore” suddenly the pain left, his eyesight was blurry, he couldn’t breathe and his heart hurt from the excertion of trying to pump the diminishing amount of blood in his body, he felt dizzy and nauseaus but he stood and kept moving, he knew now he had to get away, give her freedom,

“I knew it would happen, I always kill the ones I dare to love!” his knees buckled and he fell, the cold making him numb, his lips were turning purple from lack of blood and oxygen, plus the cold was slowly freezing him, he pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, he never imagined that this would be the way he would die, frozen to death and utterly alone!

Many things went through his mind, he remembered the day his sister was born, how he was mad at his parents, he did not want a sister, but the moment he looked into her innocent eyes he swore he would protect his little sister, he would die for her, how she loved to play in the fields close to the chateau, her sweet adoring smile, that same smile erased after the death of their parents, how she tried to have dinner on the table for him when he returned from school each day, the pain he saw in her eyes when he was sentenced to prison, his first painful days at section, the first look at Operations and Madeleine, how they frightened him, Simone, sweet gentle loving Simone, their beautiful son, he knew section had taken him, he was a distraction and would not be allowed, the day he lost Simone, how painful it was to leave her, his injuries not allowing him to fight and return to her, the day Nikita arrived, how his heeart that he thought dead had started to rage against his rib cage at his first look in her eyes, their first kiss in section before the bower mission, his utter love and pain when he thought her lost after the explosion, his relief when he had her in his arms in Lyon, his beautiful Adam, the precious face of Elena, the last time he made love to Nikita.

Meanwhile Nikita had woken and was looking for Michael, she saw a few spots of blood and started to follow them, they led outside, she called the guards and medic and soon they were following the not so fresh spots of blood, Nikita’s heart constricting as she saw how they increased, every few steps the spots seemed to multiply until they found a large spot, frozen, they stood and kept following the increasing amount of blood on the ground.

Nikita had been praying that they found Michael soon, he was not dressed for this weather, the jacket was still in the cabin with his shoes, which meant he was barefoot and in his sleep clothes, she found the next large spot of blood, not yet frozen, which meant Michael was close, they looked around and as Nikita looked around a particularly big tree trunk she saw a dark figure lying on the snow, unmoving, she approached the figure and when she was close enough to touch him she screamed, it was Michael and he was not breathing, the pool of blood under him was frozen, she called the others and soon the medic had Michael breathing, but not on his own.

They needed to get help, he was slowly degenerating, his breath was getting harder to get into his lungs, and his heart beat almost non existent, they bandaged his wrist and wrapped him in blankets, they carried him to the cabin where they proceeded to try and revive him, he was unresponsive, had lost an extreme amount of blood, his blood pressure too low to count, tears frozen on his face, his lips almost black.

Nikita was sitting beside him holding his cold, frozen hand, the medic was trying unsuccessfully to revive Michael, the guards were told to go and get all the supplies from the camp, the medic left alone with Nikita and a slowly dying Michael, while the medic suttured his wrist Nikita breathed life into him, the soft, warm flesh had turned hard and cold, she could barely discern a pulse, slow and erratic, but still there, they had to warm him and had brought all the blankets and covered him with them, the crisis was just starting, they had to call section and advise them, Nikita was adamant about moving Michael, he had not responded well to being at section.

The medic reminded her that lately he was not responding at all, he was frozen and soon he would die, they needed to get a transfusion into him, plus warm I.V. fluids, the medic was afraid that this would be the last time he would treat Michael and was not happy, the young man deserved a life full of happiness and children, but this is section and you take what you can get.

Madeleine was beside herself knowing that they might have already lost Michael, the news were not good, she went to tell Operations and he enraged took the remote control and threw it at the window, poor Birkoff was now showered in glass, his techs and computers completely surrounded with broken glass, he looked up toward the tower and locked eyes with Madeleine who gave him a small smile, he turned and looked at Walter who had come out of his room to watch the glass fall over Birkfoff, Birkoff shrugged and turned to tell his people to clean up the mess, he stood and walked to Walter and told him the news, they were both extremely worried about not only Michael but Nikita, she was not in the perfect state to deal with a suicidal Michael, they were watching the clean up of comm when Madeleine walked in and told them to pack and get enough supplies to take to the cabin, they were being sent as support for Michael and Nikita, they left 1 hour later, several med bags and other machines to keep Michael alive, they knew that if they moved him he might not make it back.

Back at the cabin Andrew the medic had been breathing life into Michael for over 1 hour now, his pulse and heart beat were slow but returning to normal, but Michael was not breathing on his own and that was the worst, they imagined Michael had been outside walking in that inclement weather for about 2 hours maybe more, and unconsciouss for at least 15 to 20 minutes, which translated would mean he might very well be lost.

Nikita was beside herself, her mind was running wild wondering why he wanted to die? Then a thought occured to her. “ what if he remembered? And thought that she wanted him out of her life? In his present state of mind he would let go, and disappear, take the precense of pain from her. If that was it then she had to reasure him she wanted him back now! So she walked to Michael’s side and took his hand, kissed him on the lips while Andrew was checking his pulse and started to whisper in his ear.

she started to caress his hair and trace his features with her index finger, a very intimate touch and gesture. Her tears slowly flowing down her cheeks, she knew it would be difficult for Michael to come back, he was on the edge, one push and he would be gone, she thought “ he has suffered so much, why not let him rest?” she looked toward Andrew and saw the same question in his dark blue eyes, it was just a matter of not breathing for him, he would slip out of his body softly, effortlessly, just a small push would let him finally rest, but Nikita was selfish, she wanted Michael back, in her life for many years to come and she took hold of the breathing mask and started to breathe for Michael again.

Suddenly the door flew open and Walter and Birkoff ran in, the guards followed with 2 machines, a ventilator, a heart monitor and 3 bags full of medication, they put the ventilator and heart monitor beside the bed and Andrew proceeded to intubate Michael, after that now that the machine was breathing for him the heart monitor was placed and they covered him, Nikita had not left his side and looked a fright.

Walter tried to pull her away, to eat something, but she would not budge, she kept whispering to him to come back, to not leave her, she laid down beside Michael, trying not to dislodge any tube or I.V. line that was going to him, she fell asleep sometime later listening to the sound of Michael’s heart beat and his slow, even breathing.

Nikita awoke several hours later to the cabin eeirly quiet, she sat up and looked at Michael, he was still not breathing on his own, the heart monitor showing his heart beat, she moved to the kitchen and sat on the window sill, with a coffee cup in her hands, and she fell into a quiet reverie, she remembered everything that she and Michael had gone through, from the moment she opened her eyes and saw him sitting beside her watching her, to the last time he touched her in her apartment, after the Genefex fiasco.

He had heard her calling him, but could not respond, he was cold and he could not move, he felt her touch and gasp as she felt his skin, almost frozen, she took his face and tried to make him react, he tried but could not muster the strength to move or make a sound, he heard the others come and bandage his wrist, they lifted him and carried him to the cabin, It hurt to breathe, he could not do it on his own and slowly he fell into a dark abyss, he turned and saw Nikita holding him, begging him to stay with him, but he was flying, his journey was short. He again turned and found himself in a big room, full of pillows, he looked around and saw shadows beyond the walls, as he looked around he heard a voice, loud and omnipotent call his name.

Warm and gentle light filtered through the soft gause like walls, and an angel appeared, her form was that of his mother, he looked at her transfixed and smiled when she smiled, she took his hand and they walked to a couch, they sat and she took his hand in hers, asking softly, in the accented voice he remembered

“ but Maman she does not want me anymore, they made her stop loving me!” tears ran down his face, melting with the softess of her hands on his face, he missed his Maman so much, but he knew what she said was true, he could not stay, Nikita needed him, she would not survive section alone, not even in her state, he turned and saw his Maman had said something, he smiled and asked her what she said.

“ I said she gave her eternal life for you, you have felt her innocence and purity, she is an angel sent to you, she was not supposed to leave heaven for many lifetimes still, but when she saw the pain you were in, she chose to give up her eternal life and go to you, you don’t remember the time a few years ago after your wife died, that you were in this same spot, and she chose to go to earth and suffer for you, to save your soul from eternal damnation, and she did, she saved your soul, now she is there, crying for you, dying a little bit each day for you, and you are here, you must choose, if you stay she will follow you soon, but she will not come to heaven, she will be sent to the pit of despair, where the suicides go, but if you choose to go, you must promise me something, that you will always be there for her, you will never let anyone separate you, together you are invencible, apart you will die.”

He looked at his Maman, and smiled, he had to return, to protect his love, his soulmate, and so he took his mother’s delicate hand and kissed it, and as he turned his eyes toward her’s he saw the same purity of spirit that Nikita had, he knew at that moment his mother had been an angel sent to his family for a short time and he understood why she had left him, she could not stay longer, god needed his Maman back in heaven, and softly, he said

Before he said another word she smiled. “ you are exactly what god made, you are exactly where god intended for you to be, if you were not in section many people would die, without you everyone that has touched your life would have never had a smile or someone to love, you are the son I raised and love, we are very proud of you my son! “

He could not breathe, there was something in his throat, and he moved his hand and realised it was a breathing tube, swiftly he extubated himself, at the sound of choking Nikita had run to his side and started screaming at Andrew to do something, then they saw Michael’s eyes open wide, scared, they saw him extubate himself and Andrew went to him, Nikita was holding Michael while he coughed and tried to wretch.

The pain in his head was severe, he was cold and he could not feel his legs, he looked at Nikita and a soft smile spread through his face, he took her hand and slowly brought it to his lips, they were cracked and bloody but he needed to kiss her, to feel her soft skin on his, he looked into her eyes and tried to speak, but no sound came out.

Michael looked around and realised that they were at his cabin, but it looked different, he remembered what she said to him in her apt. And then nothing, he looked again at Nikita and tears started to flow down his face, he lied down and tried to turn onto his stomach, but his legs were not helping, so he covered his face with his shaking hands.

Michael was terrified, he knew that if he could not walk he would be canceled, and that was not an option, so he wiped his face with his hands and that is when he noticed that his hands were cut, raw, bleeding, he turned them and saw his nails, light purple in color and fingertips somewhat numb, he looked at Nikita and then at Andrew and grabbed the pad and wrote

Nikita smiled at Michael and asked him if he needed to relieve himself, he nodded yes, and between Walter, and Andrew they took Michael to the restroom and gave him some privacy, after that they laid him on the bed again and Nikita took the plate of soup and brought it to him, she sat on the bed beside Michael and started to explain.

Michael stopped eating and lowered his eyes, looking at his hands he started to assimilate all that Nikita was saying, how he had lost his sanity and became catatonic, how he tried to kill himself various times, and all that had transpired, when she said it had been 3 months he grabbed her by the arms, he was shaking and she took his hands in hers and gently caressed them, she knew the shock would set in soon and she had to be strong.

“ohhh Michael, you escaped and tried to kill your self again, this time we almost lost you, you spent aproximately 3 hours in the snow, without shoes or a coat, when we found you you were not breathing and were almost frozen, plus you had torn the stitches from your wrist and had lost alot of blood, Andrew thinks that the freezing temperature caused some damage in your body, he thinks the loss of feeling on your legs will return soon, but can’t be sure until some time passes.”

Michael tried to move away but his legs were not helping at all so he looked at Nikita and through his eyes he begged her to help him, she did, she took Michael’s legs and softly moved them enough so he was comfortable, she laid down beside him and put her arms around him, trying to impart as much warmth as she could.

“ George, you told me to handle the relationship carefully and quickly, you wanted the personal component taken out of the relationship and i obeyed.” Madeleine was grasping at straws when she said this because she knew he did not mean to make Nikita a section machine without feelings, but she did what was best at the time, and still she was mad that the programming had not taken, but she could not do anything now, her first priority was to return Michael to his former self, she would deal with the usurpers of her throne later.

“ Madeleine, you know very well i never meant for you to destroy our two best operatives, i asked you to deal with the relationship, not to destroy it! “ Geroge was furious but he was biding his time, he already had his plan underway and would take down Operations and Madeleine soon enough.

Operations decided to interfere and said “ she is not toatly responsible, we had to get their numbers up and that made us see the need to fix Nikita and take the personal component from thier relationship.” Ops was smiling but not for long, because Geroge responded to this swiftly and with deadly force.

“ you were ordered to deal with the situation and now you have basically destroyed section, i should take command immediately and cancel both of you for this travesty, but i have something better, from now and until Michael and Nikita are in shape to fully return to their duties, i will assign a special attache to section one, her name is Jade and she will report directly to me, no mission will be approved without my personal authorization and you both will give Nikita and Michael enough time to recover fully from this game you played, Jade will be my eyes and ears and if i get any news of the two of you playing any more mind games you both will be canceled immediately! DO YOU UNDERSTAND! “ this last was screamed at Operations face.

Geroge then called Jade into the room and proceeded to debrief her on her duties and introduced her to the section leaders, Jade was a pettite red head with big almond shaped green eyes and she was beautiful, her skin creamy and soft, she looked to be no more that 23 years old and she carried herself with such regality that Madeleine wondered if she was not a born princess fallen on hard times.

Michael had been unable to sleep or rest, he got even more scared when he could not regain the use of his voice, his hands were numb, his chest felt heavy and stuffed, he had started to have a fever and had been trying to hide it from Nikita and Andrew, but as it started to get higher his skin started to get flushed and sweaty, and soon he had lapsed into a delirious state.

“STOP!!!!! NIKITA RUN!!!!!!” Nikita had been seating on the kitchen table drinking some coffee and when she heard Michael screaming she dropped to the floor and came up looking for any invaders, but as she saw nothing she looked towards the bed and Michael wrestling with his body to get off the bed, she screamed for Andrew and ran to Michael’s side, he was burning up and his skin was flushed bright red, his eyes tightly shut and he was sweating profusely, Nikita had to sit on top of Michael and hold him to her chest to stop him from moving, he was wrestling her and crying for her

Suddenly he stopped, opened his eyes wide and arched up, Andrew came in at the moment of Michael arching his body like a bow and starting to convulse, between Andrew and Nikita they pulled Michael completely off the bed and held him until the seizure stopped, it took approximately 15 minutes for Michael to go totaly limp, his breathing barely audible, his skin hot and clammy to the touch, Andrew checked Michael and realised the fever was extremely high, 106.6 , Nikita was holding an extremely limp and unresponsive Michael in her arms, his neck so limp it Lolled against her arm she was afraid he was dead, she kept moving her fingers lightly between his cheek and neck, Andrew took a syringe and drew some blood, then he helped Nikita move Michael onto the bed again.

“ I don’t know, he would not let me touch him, for hours, i realised how bad off he was when he started to scream for me to run, i thought we were in danger and tucked and rolled, but realised Michael was delirious and that is when i called you.” Nikita was terrified, she knew Michael had kept her away so she would not know he was feverish, but why? Why would he want to get even worse? Nikita startled when Andrew grabbed her arm

“ About 3 hours ago, I gave him some lemonade and he drank thirstily, he seemed warm then but i did not pay much attention due to the condition he was in, you told me that his skin would feel warm to the touch due to the I.V. fluids and the change in skin temperature after his near freezing” Nikita was holding Michael’s hand and she knew Michael could die at any moment, his fever was extremely high and he was tossing his head side to side on the pillow, his voice gone again.

Andrew went to the kitchen and pulled some ice from the ice chest and put it in a bag, he ordered Nikita to call the guards and have them bring his med bag and call section, the fever was so high Andrew was afraid that Michael would not survive this, he was not sure for how long the fever had ravaged the young man’s body but if they had any chance of saving Michael they needed to bring the fever down fast.

Nikita filled 3 of the 6 bags with ice and took them to Michael’ she put 1 bag under each of Michael’s arm pits and held 1 on each side of his temples, Andrew had put 1 bag on each side of his scrotum and was checking Michael’s temperature when an enraged Walter ran into the cabin followed closely by a heaving Birkoff, they both looked toward the bed and a naked Michael covered by ice bags and Walter went to Andrew and gave him the syringe ready with antibiotics to bring Michael’s fever down.

When Andrew Introduced the I.V. with the antibiotics into Michael’s vein, he felt the pulse jump and slow down, he looked into Michael’s eyes and checked the temperature again, it had gone down from 106.6 to 106.3, they needed to keep the ice coming and as the dr. Turned to tell Walter to get more ice, he saw Birkoff frozen and in tears in the middle of the cabin and went to him, Andrew pulled a semi catatonic looking Birkoff to the couch and checked him out.

“ why him?” then he ran out and Nikita looked at Andrew and Walter, Walter ran after Birkoff and finally caught up with him at the camp. Birkoff was inside the tent in a corner his knees drawn up to his chest and he was crying softly, Walter approached Birkoff and kneeled down beside the boy, Walter put one hand on Birkoff’s shoulder and birkoff launched himself into Walter’s embrace, Walter did not know what to do except hold the crying boy and try to make him talk, after several minutes Birkoff quieted some and Walter pulled him to the cot, and aksed him.

“ Walter he deserves to be happy, he has suffered so much, and now he will die! I swear if Michael dies i will personnaly cancel Madeleine and Operations!” after he said this he stood, cleaned his face and went for a walk, Walter had never seen Birkoff so attached to anyone but his sugar and to hear the kid speak about Michael in that way made him proud, he knew Michael was cold and seemed indiferent to Birkoff but he also knew that Michael liked the kid very much and was very proud of his achievements.

Back in the cabin Nikita sat frozen holding Michael’s het hand in her cool one, she had turned at Birkoff’s scream and had not been able to do anything but watch him turn and run away, Walter hot on his heels, Nikita was still in shock about Michael’s condition and seeing Birkoff act so wild and sad had broken her heart, she knew Birkoff admired and worshipped Michael like a big brother and she knew Michael liked the kid alot, but as she came out of her shock she saw walter walk back into the cabin and asked

“ how is he Walter? Will he be alright?” Nikita had turned back toward Michael and was frantic to see him tossing his head side to side and mumbling something, she kissed Michael’s hot mouth and laid her cheek against his, he stopped moving and snuggled his face against hers, she could hear the noise that his breathing made and knew he was developing pneumonia, and that was serious, they had to move Michael back to medlab and bring the fever down soon.

Nikita decided to lie down beside him and try to calm his erratic movements and shaking, she took his hand in hers and put her arm around his chest, putting her cheek against his and he snuggled closer to hers, she gasped at his unconsciouss movement to be closer to her, he started to calm immediately But the fever and I.V. line made it harder for Nikita to surround Michael with her arms.

In Michael’s delirium he could feel things out of context, he felt the coolness of her hand holding his, he heard her sharp intake of breath as he unconscioussly snuggled his face Closer to hers, he knew he was dying, the pain in his chest was severe, he could not draw breath, it hurt to breathe, his heart was racing and he hurt all over, he heard Nikita talking to him but he could not answer her, he tried very hard to speak but no sound came out, he needed to tell her so many things, he did not want to die without telling Nikita how he felt, how much he loved her, he felt a strange disengaged feeling, he could barely hear Nikita speaking to him now, her touch felt distant, he was drowning in a black, bottomless place, he could smell the odor of death close by, he felt the cold hands trying to grab him and pull him into the black abyss, he tried to push up, every stroke a painful one, he could barely breathe, water entering his mouth and nose and making him gag, he knew this was the end, he would never hold his angel in his arms, he resigned himself and stopped swiming, he had given up, the hands took a hold of his legs and pulled, he took one last breath and held it as much as he could, he felt his lungs bursting with the need to breathe, his vision going black and he stopped struggling, he did not know that his body had stopped breathing and Nikita was hysterical crying to the dr. To save Michael’s life,

“Andrew he stopped breathing!” Nikita grabbed Michael’s face and tilted it back and started to breathe for him, Andrew checked his pulse and it was barely discernible, he was sure that this time Michael would not return, he took a syringe and injected 5 milligrams of digoxin into Michael’s vein, and waited 5 minutes while Nikita was breathing for Michael after the 5 minutes were up Andrew checked his pulse again and it was better, but Nikita was still breathing for him.

Michael’s slight conscioussness was fading fast, he closed his eyes and let himself go limp and at that precise moment when he could feel his soul departing his body a bright light encompassed him and he was pulled from the black waters and was thrown into a swirling sea of colors, he was floating and felt warm and happy, as he opened his eyes He saw a bright light that hurt his eyes and suddenly he started to breathe again, his sharp intake of breath frightened Nikita who grabbed Michael and held him tight against her breast, crying her goodbyes to the only man she had ever and would always love.

At this precise moment Walter entered the cabin and watched horrified as Nikita held a dying Michael in her arms, he was sad to watch the young man finally lose the battle for life, he wanted to rage against this young man leaving this earth so suddenly, but he could only watch Nikita’s cries for Michael not to leave her.

Michael started to wake, his eyelashes fluttering and he could feel a warm body beside him, warm soft hands surrounding his chest, he could feel the warm and sweet breath of his beloved against his neck, and suddenly he opened his eyes and moaned, the light too bright for his sensitive eyes, he closed his eyes against it and moved his hand to cover his eyes, Nikita was awakened by Michael’s moan and sat up calling for Andrew while taking Michael’s hand tighter in hers, Michael felt the soft fingers suround his hand and he squeezed her hand tightly, and with a barely audible whisper said.

“ Ni- Ki- ta ? “Michael turned towards her and stared at her with smoky jade, fever bright eyes. he tried to move but was unable to move his lower extremities and in a flash he remembered his ordeal, he covered Nikita’s hands that were around his and looked deeply into Nikita’s frightened cerulean eyes, he smiled faintly and tried to sit up, but was pushed down by Nikita, Michael looked at Nikita as she said

“Michael?” She touched the pulse point in his throat, then closed her eyes with relief. His fever had broken at last and he was finally in a restful sleep. She brushed her fingers lightly over the tiny beads of sweat on his forehead, then kissed him there. “Thank you, oh thank you!”

Nikita laid down beside Michael wrapping her arms around him and soon fell asleep, she awoke at the soft movements beside her, Michael was having a nightmare and was crying softly, suddenly he started to shake uncontrolably and all her attempts to wake him did not work, she turned and called out for Andrew who had taken the couch as a bed.

Andrew sat up and ran to the couple on the bed, he took Michael’s pulse and vital signs while the young man still shook severely, he looked at Nikita and went to get his medbag, he pulled out a vial of Methylpenidate a stimulant to wake Michael, he drew out 10 miligrams and injected it into Michael’s over used vein and waited, slowly Michael started to awake but the shaking had not stopped.

Michael’s eyelashes started to flutter and he started to move his head from side to side, suddenly Michael opened his eyes and as the light hit his over sensitive eyes he closed them tightly and turned his face toward Nikita’s touch, he took a few more minutes to awake fully, his eyes opened and searched for his beloved, when his eyes locked with her frightened ones he smiled faintly and tried to sit up, Andrew pushed him back down and told him to lie still, Michael looked at Nikita and then at Andrew. “ I’m so c-cold.”

Michael was getting impatient, and he tried to sit up, but his legs would not move, and he looked at Nikita and then at Andrew and crumpled back on the pillow, his eyes full of tears and his breathing becoming erratic and shallow, Nikita asked him the same questions and in his dazed state he could not answer, he looked from the dr. To his beloved and simply said, “ what are you talking about?”

Walter came closer and asked Michael if he knew where he was and Michael noded yes, then he turned his wide green eyes toward Nikita and told her his name, where he lived and how old he was, she almost passed out as she heard his soft whispered answers, Nikita closed her eyes and kissed Michael with all the love she had ben holding inside for 5 years.

Madeleine was very happy to hear that Michael’s recovery was going good but was concerned about the shaking and confusion, she told the dr. To stay at the cabin to monitor Michael’s progress, and to make sure he did recover well, after that Madeleine walked to Operations tower and sat down to give Operations the news about Michael’s condition.

Back at the cabin Michael was struggling to think clearly, but he was so cold and he felt so weak, it hurt to breathe and he could not stop shaking, he watched as Walter and Andrew opened 2 of the crates and took the instruments out to set them in the garage, he was very sleepy and his eyes kept closing, but Nikita kept him awake.

the fever and drugs were playing with his mind, he was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but it had been over 12 hours and he could not sleep, the feeling in his legs was not returning, and his chest was still heavy and congested, he had been on antibiotics and a mild sedative for almost 24 hours now and nothing was helping, Andrew and Walter were taking turns watching Michael trying to understand all that had been happening in the last 3 and a half months, but to no avail, he was still distraught, so when Nikita woke up and started walking toward Michael his reaction to her was unexpected.

Nikita took his shoulders and gently guided him into her embrace, she was so worried about him that she never saw he had somehow gotten a hold of her gun and was slowly raising it to his temple, but Walter walked in at that moment and ran toward the bed and pulled the gun away from Michael.

“ No! Let me go! No more! “ and he started to fight them, as much as he could, he was out of control with grief and Walter had to make a last moment decision, either try to speak to him and help him deal with this logically or sedate him for now and after he rested he might be more receptive, so he decided to sedate him, which turned out to be a war of wills.

Andrew walked in and filled a syringe with ativan a strong sedative and proceeded to walk to Michael’s side, Michael was struggling as much as his limited strength could allow, between Walter, Nikita and Andrew they held Michael down and While Nikita held Michael's arm, he injected the contents of the syringe. It contained a strong sedative/tranquilizer. The sedative had an immediate effect, Just before Michael lost consciousness, he had only a moment to lock eyes on Nikita, before darkness claimed him.

The lights flickered off and on and he barely saw the movements of the shadows on the walls...calling for him and warning him of his impending doom. One of the voices was warm and pleading for him to come to her..the other was dark and cold and told him there was no escape. The room began spinning around him and he felt only the cold hard steel in his hand and the presence of someone standing behind him. Sweat glistened off his forehead as he swung around and pointed the gun at the masked figure behind him. As the explosion of gunfire ricocheted through the room, he began to bolt for the door. That was when he heard the cold hard laughter..and he knew that the darkness was still alive..and coming for him.

He raced over to where the body lay on the floor and reached down to find a pulse..for he had to be sure that this madman was dead before he could escape...to find Nikita. He felt the blood stream onto his hand and he reached to pull off the mask, to find who had been searching for him all these months.

His heart dropped when he felt the silky hair fall around his hands and he looked down into a pair of glazed blue eyes. She was dead..and he had been the one to kill her. Sobs racked his body and he pulled her into his arms. He picked the gun off the floor and placed it inside his mouth. Before he pulled the trigger, he had time to only scream her name..."NIKITA"...

He felt her place her gentle hands on his forehead, and he opened his eyes to find her eyes filling with tears as she stared at him...and he knew then that it had been a dream. But he could not stop the tremors which ran through his body. His body racked with the violent seizure as he grabbed her hand and mumbled repeatedly.

Nikita moved away from them and walked to Michael’s side, she stretched out her hand and caressed his cheek and watched as his face turned toward her caress, even deeply sedated he reacted to her nearness, she smiled and asked the men to please leave them alone, then she removed her clothes and climbed into bed with him, she gently moved his head to lie on her shoulder and a soft smile appeared on his lips, she kissed him and fell asleep.

Nikita awoke from a nightmare, her breathing erratic, her body sweat drenched, she did not remember what the dream was about but as she moved she felt the warmth of Michael’s body beside her and she looked down at Michael lying limply in her arms and gently ran her hand through his hair brushing it back from his eyes.

Michael awoke to find himself in bed, blankets drawn up over him, stripped of clothing. Lifting his head from the pillow he closed his eyes as the room started to spin crazily around him, letting his head sink back onto the pillow, swallowing hard against nausea and grimacing at the pain in his throat.

Breathing deeply helped to center him, to push back the nausea, and he didn't know how long he lay there, just breathing, before sense began to return. Carefully, he slid hands under him and pushed up, arms giving way beneath to send him sprawling back onto the bed, his rapid breath stirring hair that had fallen forward to cover his face. Setting his teeth and striving to set aside the dizziness, he tried again, the muscles in his arms trembling but not giving away. Grasping the headboard he pulled himself up to a sitting position, fingers gripping the headboard till knuckles went white as he battled a fresh wave of dizziness. Shouldn't move, a practical part of his mind told him, he felt it then, his legs would not move, he looked at his legs and tried to move them, but to no avail, he moved back against the head board and he shivered as he drew the blanket tightly around him and laid his head against the head board. Just a short rest, he told himself, and you can think of how to deal with this, allowing eyes to drift closed.

Nikita walked into the cabin to see Michael slumped against the head board of the bed, his hands tightly clutching the blanket, she put the wood down and walked to him, sat beside him on the bed and caressed his cheek, Michael came awake with a jerk, his eyes unfocused searched for hers, when they locked she could see the pain and misery in their depths, she hugged him and he laid his head on her shoulder softly whispering

“ what do you want me to do Michael? I will not lose you, not now! Why is it so difficult for you to wait? Andrew said it could take up to a month to see any significant improvement, why do you want to die?” Nikita went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and gave it to him, he drank thirstily, and gratefully returned the bottle to her, she looked at him and slowly ran her hand through his hair

"Sleep, my love i will be outside call me if you need me alright.” she whispered and slowly moved to the door, she glanced back to see Michael moving down on the bed, and lying his weary head on the pillows, she smiled and walked out, sitting on the chair beside the door, hunched over and cried herself into a restless sleep.

There was not even so much as a clock in the room to mark the passage of time and Michael's sleep patterns had become so disturbed his body didn't know day from night. his body striving to recover from loss of blood, had slept deeply and long and when he awoke, Nikita was there trying to get him to eat but he would not, he knew he was starving himself, Nikita was worried, he had not eaten anything in over 9 days, his skin pale, his eyes surrounded by dark circles that made his paleness more noticeable, Andrew tried to reason with him, even Walter and Birkoff had come to convinze him to fight, but to no use, he would lie in bed, shaking and willing himself to die, Nikita had become his shadow, she would be beside him when he fell asleep from exhaustion or sedatives, and she would be there when he woke up.

One morning he woke up to find himself alone, it had been 3 weeks since his suicide attempt and he was feeling weaker every day, he could barely stay awake, he turned and saw the mirror sitting on the night table and a thought came to mind, he had to do it now, while he was alone, Michael took the mirror and broke it against the table,he was able to extract from it a sufficiently big shard of glass. Ignoring the sting of cut fingers, he one handed tugged up first one sleeve then the other, switching the glass from hand to hand. With the shard of glass held tightly in his right hand he drew in a deep breath and started to lower the glass to his left wrist, already starting to steel himself against the pain. Just a small pain, it'd be like nothing compared to what he'd suffered in the past, and then he could rest... His hand froze with the glass just inches from his left wrist, as he flashed on an image of Nikita, her cerulean blue eyes full of tears, he could not do it, he could not make her suffer like this, he threw the piece of glass down and covered his hand, his fingers still bleeding, he laid his head against the back board and sighed, he loved her too much, if he was going to die he would die like he lived with honor and strength, his eyes filled with tears, he could only close his eyes as a single tear slid down his cheek.

Nikita walked into the cabin after having taken every thing that could be used as a weapon to the camp, she walked toward the bed and saw Michael lying on his back and the blankets pulled up to his chest, cinnamon hair falling across his forehead. "Michael." she whispered, laying a hand on his cheek, but there was no response from him, not even so much as a twitch. She let her hand slide down his cheek and to his throat, feeling for his pulse and swallowed hard before pressing her fingers against his throat. At last he stirred, a moan escaping him, hands coming up to weakly push at hers. "No...please..."

Nikita screamed and clutched him to her breast, crying for Michael not leave her, Andrew came in at that moment and took one of Michael’s limp arms, pressed his fingers to his wrist and sighed with releif at feeling the pulse, sluggish but still discernible, he looked at Nikita and smiled.

“ he is alright, just working the sedatives out of his system.” He helped Nikita lay Michael back against the pillows and she kissed his mouth, noting how pliant it was, his body so limp, A tear escaped from one eye and she laid her cheek against the top of Michael's head, arms tightening around him. She was not going to let him die.

Nikita had laid her head on his chest, and fell asleep, several hours later he stirred in his sleep, brow furrowing as his head moved on the pillow. He muttered something under his breath and a sigh escaped him as he went still once more, whatever nightmare had gripped him seeming to fade. Silent for a long moment, only the sound of his breathing in the room, and then he gave an anguished moan, twisting on the bed and whispering the same word over and over: "Non..."

Bit by bit he relaxed in her arms, the trembling easing and his breathing slowing, and as she started to extricate herself from Michael, his arms went around her waist and his head laid against her breast. With a sigh, she settled back, her hand still stroking his hair, pressing a kiss against the top of his head.

In his dream he was somewhere dark and cold, shivering and hugging arms to himself as he moved through the darkness, looking for some way out. And with the darkness was an anxiety, a knowledge that *they* were out there somewhere, As he walked the feeling of being watched grew so that he imagined he saw the flash of their eyes every time he turned his head, his movements becoming slower and slower as the darkness enfolded him. Cold seeped into his bones, making him shiver spasmodically, and every step was like pushing through some unseen barrier.

And just as he felt himself start to fall a hand caught his, a golden prescence providing light in the darkness, arms wrapping around him to shelter him from Section’s siren call, exuding a warmth that drove the chill from him. A voice whispered nonsense words, drowning out Operations voice, drawing him up out of the nightmare and into consciousness.

He slept a great deal, aided by sedatives Andrew administered through the IV, decreasing the dosage as time passed, and Nikita sat with him, watching him for any signs of dreaming. With the sedatives he didn't seem to dream but once Andrew lowered the dosage, the nightmares returned, seeming only to ease when she held his hand and talked to him.

Physically his recovery was slow, his legs started to twitch and tremble, slowly he could start feeling his legs, a dull ache making him wince every time he moved. His depression had stayed, he would barely eat and he would only move to take care of basic needs, his legs were slowly getting stronger, but he could barely move them, he tried to stand one morning and his legs would not hold him, he slipped to the floor limply, his soft cries waking Nikita, she moved to him and pulled him into bed again.

He nodded slowly, extending his arm, and Nikita looked away as Andrew gave him a sedative, forcing a reassuring smile as she helped Michael lay down. Whatever Andrew had given him must have been especially strong for his eyelids were already starting to flutter and Nikita took his hand in hers, holding it as he slowly sank into sleep, fighting it all the way.

The first night the sedatives kept Michael asleep but on the second night, Nikita had sat and watched him as he twisted in his sleep, the nightmares stronger now, struggling against them stopping only when she soothed him. It was exacting a heavy toll on her as well, sleeping sporadically, waking with even the smallest sound, an effort to force herself to eat.

But at last, after the third night, the nightmares seemed to fade; whether or not that was a good thing Nikita was not sure, it was enough that at last Michael seemed to be pulling a little out of the depression he had sunk into. Apathetic and uncommunicative in the daytime, a listlessness in him she had never seen before, she was afraid of him killing himself, Nikita had made certain there was nothing sharp in the room that Michael could use to hurt himself.

On the third night she had curled up next to him on the bed in the hope that physical contact might calm him, as it had before, and she awoke the next morning to the feel of his cheek pressed against her head. Sighed and wanted to just snuggle up against him, forget about the world, but his soft voice brought her head up. "Nikita..."

"Better." His eyes went from her to the door and back to her, a mute plea. Raising herself she went to the door and made sure it was locked, extending a hand to help him up to a sitting position. He closed his eyes briefly, drawing in a deep breath, and wrinkled his nose. "I need a shower."

"I asked Madeline once if you even had a heart. She said that you loved deeply once...and that she didn't know if you could again." She let her hand trail down his cheek and to his mouth, finger tracing his lips. "For a while, I didn't think you could... but somewhere deep inside me I always knew you had the capacity to love again. Just as I knew someday we would be together..."

Just her touch was enough to warm him, to drive away the lingering shadows of his suicidal depression, and he surrendered to the impulse to draw her closer, to press his mouth against hers. Drew her down onto the bed atop him, the two of them setting aside all worries and concerns, letting the heat of the moment take them away.

It was erotic; it was..... enchanting. Nikita let her self relax back against the pillows, her fear dissipating, to be replaced with a haze of erotic languor, and something like awe, that she should be the center of such intense, focused desire, and reverent worship.She could hear Michael's breathing quicken as his mouth slid up her forearm and licked the sensitive spot on the inside of her elbow.

Nikita leaned down to remove her clothing and help Michael with his, As she moved back up, Michael leaned forward to claim her lips in a kiss. She tangled her fingers in his silky hair and pulled him close, deepening the kiss. At the same time, Michael's hand stole up to caress one perfect, firm breast.

Nikita arched her back and gasped , moaning out her pleasure as his fingers aroused her while Michael suckled her firmly. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, lost in passion."Mmmm, ahh...." she whimpered softly, and arched her breasts up into Michael's lips and hand, both ceaselessly, magically teasing her.

Michael slid his hand down slowly, sensuously gliding it down the length of her thigh to her knee, and then traveled up, fingernails gently scratching the tender flesh.Nikita moaned and closed her eyes as the sweet passion flooded her at their gentle caresses. Whimpering, she bucked her hips, urging the arousing fingers to go higher.He obliged and slowly moved his hand higher until he cupped her mound, Nikita moaned her pleasure and slowly she felt Michael's skilled fingers part the soft curls. He carefully teased the outer lips of her womanhood back, revealing the intricate pink folds within

His lips and tongue ravished her eagerly, exploring, seeking, discovering, invading all her secret places.He drank in the flower's nectar, his tongue darting and swirling inside her enchanting mysteries. He was intoxicated by her, her womanhood filling his senses and overwhelming him - her taste, her feel, her smell, her warmth, her sweetness....He had never felt this way -- he was burning, he was flying, he was spinning, spiraling out of control.... He was going to explode...

It was not just bodies that were joined, but hearts and souls. Michael felt a sweet singing in his heart, and with each powerful thrust it grew louder, taking on a faster rhythm.... He realized after a moment that it was his own hoarse sighs, wrenched from deep within him as he thrust over and over again into Nikita's soft depths.

Michael's pace quickened and he began to touch Nikita everywhere, with his mouth and hands, even as his manhood touched her from the inside.He slid his mouth along her jaw and then tasted her earlobe, biting gently, then nipped at her throat, tongue lashing across the sensitive skin. His right thumb found and captured her nipple, rotating it in small circles until it hardened achingly under his touch.

Michael was as elemental as the waves as well; each thrust was insistent, inevitable, eternal, as he surged into her again and again, crashing his body wildly against the soft sand of her shore. And, like waves, each stroke was different, some playful and teasing, some quick and tender, some slow, majestic, and deep. Each touched her in a perfect way, each moved her, with their vastness, depth, and power.

Her internal sheath was clamped so tightly around him, and so sensitized, that it was as if she could feel every detail, every outline of his thick maleness within her. She felt the beautifully sculpted tip with its deep ridged edge, the sensitive veins along the pulsing shaft, and the wider base that her body welcomed each time it met and ground into her, massaging her throbbingly sensitive point of pleasure.

She loved him with her whole body, as he loved her. His rasping breath moved her, as he exerted himself for her pleasure, and she watched, entranced, as a bead of sweat ran down his smooth cheek and over the strong but vulnerable column of his throat; she thought he was so beautiful she could weep.

With incoherent, high cries, she urged him to end this delicious torment as she felt her release grow close. One hand snaked its way down his sweat-sheened, muscular back to rest at just the top of one exquisitely curved, firm buttock. She could feel the hard muscles clenching under her fingers as his hips pounded against hers, gyrating and dancing in erotic, rhythmic circles.

It took another two weeks to get Michael to start walking, his legs so listless that he could barely move them, between Walter and Nikita they helped him walk around the cabin, at first he would drag his feet behind him, but slowly he started to take small steps, leaning all his weight on them, his steps jerky and painful at first had started to turn into slow, easy movements, after a couple of weeks he was walking with Nikita’s assistance only, finally starting to show a little of his old determination, relieved that he was beginning to act more like his old self. She sat with him till late evening, until he fell asleep.

Nikita awoke to find Michael gone from her side and rubbed her eyes as she sat up in bed, looking at her watch. Just past noon--slipping out of bed she recovered her clothing and pulled it on, tugging fingers through her hair to rid it of the tangles before leaving the room. It took her a few moments of searching but she finally spotted someone sitting out on the porch visible through the glass windows of the kitchen and she went out the door, recognizing Michael's cinnamon brown head, hair damp as if he'd come out of the shower not long ago.

Michael drew her into his arms, pressing his cheek against her hair. "If it wasn't for you...I wouldn't have come through this. It's because of you that I'll have the strength to do this." He drew back, stroking her hair back from her face, and smiled, looking deeply into her eyes, as if drinking her in. "You make me believe in myself..."

She turned and scaned the area the way he had, but saw nothing out of the ordinary, suddenly he pushed her through the door and landed on top of her, a bullet going over their heads, he turned and groaned as his recently healed muscles protested such quick movements, he pulled her to the kitchen, and they immediatelly went for their weapons.

She came around the corner and lunged back as something moved in front of her, Michael dragging her back behind him and placing himself between her and the danger. Hands caught him and threw him into the wall, Michael hitting it hard and sliding down it, still managing to hold onto the gun.

Nikita stood frozen, torn between wanting to go to Michael and attack, took a step back as the figure moved closer, chuckling as it reached for her. A boom and the figure staggered back, spinning to face Michael; using the wall Michael pushed himself up, extending his arm to fire again, the bullet tearing through the figure's throat and sending it down, Nikita venturing closer to see it was a young red-headed woman.

He was pulled up to a sitting position, an arm slipping around his shoulders to keep him upright, a young woman coming into his line of sight, “ lets see how long he lasts Drago.” The words sank into his dazed mind and yet had no meaning, until he heard it, a scream of pain, he recognized it, ** Nikita** he tried to move away, but he was too weak to fight them, they grabbed him and dragged him toward a door, as the door opened he heard the scream again, he tried to move away but he was grabbed by the hair and a needle plunged into his neck, his Vision dimmed and a roaring in his ears eclipsed all other sound, he could feel his heartbeat slow, struggling painfully to maintain the beat, darkness slowly, inexorably drawing him into its folds, as he went limp, the woman who had drugged him moved beside him, she stroked hair tenderly back from pale features as she watched him struggle still to stay awake, heart beat slowing, finally his vision went black and he was plunged into oblivion.

They laid Michael on the table, strapping hands and feet they waited until he started to stir, shaking violently as he started to regain conscioussness, they watched him struggle from the deep sleep he had been in, Michael had thought he knew pain before but it was nothing compared to this, the drug that they gave him had a curious side effect, It flowed through him, a rush of searing heat that swept through him as quickly and voraciously as a wildfire, the pain was incessant, he arched with each painful breath and move his body made, his body afire, the pain so great it made him retch, though there was nothing in him to bring up.

“ohhh” he moaned and his eyelashes started to flutter, he moved his head side to side, the pain filling his every thought, he slowly opened his eyes to gaze into frightened sapphire eyes, huge with terror, he lifted his hand but it fell back beside him, he was too weak, Nikita raised him up, gripping his shoulders to steady him as he wretched, dizziness assailed him, he could barely keep his head up, suddenly Michael went limp, she watched as Michael’s body slumped to the ground, "Michael!" she hissed as she shook him, his head lolling limply with the motion and body completely slack. Sliding her fingers up to his throat, she felt for a pulse finding one she sighed with relief, she carefully pulled him toward the back of the cell she tried to wake him.

"Michael, it's me...you have to wake up. Michael!" Drawing back her hand she hit him across the cheek, once, twice, but his head only lolled sickeningly, no response at all from him. "Michael, please, you have to wake up--you can't leave me now!" And hit him again harder, tears streaming down her cheeks.

At last his eyelids fluttered open, hands coming up to push at hers, and a sob of relief escaped her as she put arms around him to hug him tightly. he blinked dazedly his head aching terribly and extremely dizzy, He blinked rapidly, giving a little shake of his head to clear it, and one hand came up to touch her on the cheek.

"Nikita..." His features spasmed in pain and he closed his eyes tightly before pulling back from her touch, and he convulsed severely, Nikita pulled him away from the wall straddling his hips trying to hold him down so he would not hurt himself, suddenly he went limp, his body going tottaly slack, Nikita’s fingers digging into his neck, finding a pulse she sighed and pulled him against her, his head lying on her breast.

Darkness surrounded him but there was no comfort, no ease, in it. Surrounded him and penetrated him, filling him with its chill, not the oblivion he had hoped and prayed for, but rather a void that swirled around him. He wanted to surrender to it, to let it swallow him whole and strip him, but...something called him, pulled him from the darkness. Inexorable, dragging him through the void, pushing him from the now welcome darkness and to awareness, ignoring his clawing attempts to remain where he was. Pain struck him as he was pushed from the dark and into light, almost like being born again, and he lay for a long moment gasping, drawing air into flaccid lungs, feeling the thundering beat of his heart in chest and hearing it roar in his ears.

Moaning he gave a sharp jerk, feeling soft hands cup his face he opened his eyes and looked into Nikita’s fearful gaze, he slumped against her and moved his hands to caress her face, like a blind man trying to read braille he touched her face, eyes, forehead, nose, mouth, cheeks, neck, he moved his face into the hollow of her neck and sighed, content to be in her arms, suddenly he sat up, sharp cramping pain in his stomach, arms wrapping tightly around his midsection as he closed eyes tightly, trying to ride out the pain. It rolled over him, through him, not easing in the least, he turned toward Nikita and she held him in her arms until it passed, his body shaking from excertion, Shuddering he brought his knees up against his chest and buried his head against them, Nikita settled her chin on his head and held him tightly to her.

Suddenly the door opened and two men grabbed Michael, they dragged a semi consciouss Michael to a room where they strapped him to a chair and waited for the others to bring Nikita, but Nikita had been able to over power her guards and had escaped, she hid in the ventilation system, she crawled her way to the room Michael was being held she was about to go inside when the door opened and a man walked in,

Michael lifted his battered and bruised face and slowly smiled, “ i won’t tell you.” he let his head drop to his chest and waited for the blows that would come, but there where nothing, suddenly he felt a surge of electricity go through his body, he arched up and his body convulsed fiercely with the electricity, then he went limp, his head lolling to the side, his breathing hard and shallow, his ears and nose bleeding.

The interrogator took Michael’s chin and raised his head, Michael opened his eyes and stared at the man, the man let Michael go and his head dropped to his chest again, heaving he tried to stay consciouss, the pain cursing through his body made it almost impossible to think clearly, he wondered where Nikita was, why they had not brought her here, then a thought came to him, maybe she had escaped, she was not as bad off as he was, she could have overpowerd her guards and escaped, he prayed to god she had escaped,

Michael looked straight into the man’s eyes and refused to speak, a guard came forward and started beating him, his head, his abdomen, his back, another guard grabbed Michael’s hair and pulled his head to the side , then he plunged the needle into Michael's vein. After pumping in the clear liquid, the guard released Michael and he stepped back.

Two of the guards untied Michael and lifted his leaden limbs and took him into his cell, they threw him inside, his limp body hitting the floor his head making a thump against the cement, his body was drenched in sweat, shaking severely from the drug, and the electricity still cursing through his body, slowly he regained conscioussness, the pain was excrutiating threatening to pull him back into oblivion, but he brought himself to full consciousness. Pushing the pain aside, Michael focused on his other senses. Shifting his body, there was darkness and Cold....dark. Beyond dark. Those were Michael's first impressions. But they weren't accurate. It might or might not have been cold. Michael couldn't be sure, because he couldn't feel it. There was no sensation of warmth or cold, pain or pleasure. Nothing. Dead...he wondered, but that couldn't be either. If he were dead there would be no awareness. But then again, there was no awareness. No sense of sight, sound or feeling. Not even the sound of silence, or a glimmer of light. No sense of his eyes being open or closed.

Michael listened hard but couldn't hear the beating of his heart, nor could he feel it pounding in his chest. His skin felt nothing. No restraints biting into flesh, no sense of movement although he willed his finger to flex. But it was as if there was no body connected to his mind. Michael could not control what did not exist. He screamed, or so he thought, but there was no sound. His lips did not part, his vocal chords did not flex. His lungs did not inhale air then push it out again. No sense of breathing. Nothing to see. No light...or dark. No scent to fill his nostrils. No passage of time. Michael tried to count the seconds but there were none. Should have been afraid. Was afraid, but couldn't feel it. Wanted to cry but he had no eyes, no tears. Nothing. No memory of who he was. Couldn't remember his own face. Had no face...no soul...no heart. Not dead yet not alive. No way to know the difference. No reason to care. He was alone. Didn't remember his name. Didn't exist.

Two men in white ran into the small room where Michael resided. The doctor's worked, feverishly, to jumpstart Michael's heart. They knew they would die if Michael were to die. Long seconds passed and it seemed as if Michael was gone, but even as the interrogator was about to rise and enter the other room, he heard a blip. Staring at a second monitor, which showed Michael's vital signs, he saw that his heart was beating again. A bit slow, but steady. Michael was a strong man.

Michael was returned to his cell and left on the floor, Nikita had been watching everything and she knew she could reach Michael and bring him back, but she was taking a great risk, if she took too long to bring him back she could be caught, but she had to risk it, she loved this man and would not let him die, not after all they had been through.

Nikita slowly slipped into Michael’s cell, she landed softly a few feet from him, he was lying on the floor, and she moved to him "Michael.." she breathed, reaching out with one hand to touch his face. She reached for Michael's hand. It felt cold and lifeless, symbolic of the way Michael saw himself.

"Do you want to die, Michael?" she asked now, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. Nikita brushed her fingertips over Michael's lips, remembering the softness of them, and the taste of his kiss. A fragment of a memory better off forgotten. But Nikita could never forget how it had felt to be held by Michael's strong arms. To feel him deep inside her. To know that he was her safe haven in the darkness of the night. Because he was the night. And she was his light. Nikita knew this to be true, for Michael had whispered those words to her in the aftermath of their lovemaking.

Michael felt pain but recognized that it was not his pain. Felt the warm wetness of tears, but they did not fall from his eyes. *Nikita* his mind whispered. But the sound seemed to echo painfully in the dark void of his mind. Or perhaps it was the blackness of his soul. Michael didn't know. A part of him didn't care. The darkness didn't frighten him now. He wasn't alone. Nikita was with him. Michael could feel her warmth, and sense the glow of her light. But he couldn't see it. Didn't want to see. He didn't want to go back. No more...his mind cried out. No more.

‘'I wonder where you are right now," Nikita whispered, as she smoothed a lock of hair off Michael's forehead. She almost smiled as she studied his face. Far too pale, the skin somewhat clammy to touch, but he was still beautiful. A dark angel. That was Michael. What intrigued Nikita was his expression.

"You look so peaceful," she said softly. "Like all your sorrow has been lifted. I remember seeing you smile once, a truly genuine smile. That time when we were in Section, waiting for Alex Chandler to call. You didn't understand the game I had played with him and were afraid he might not call. But I was certain he would, quite cocky about it even.." Nikita paused to laugh as she remembered. "And when the phone rang you smiled. A real smile. I can see it as clear as day. It's my favorite image of you, Michael," Nikita confessed. "It's how I keep hope alive. Because I know that no matter what you say...or do...that you are human. That you have a soul. Because of that smile."

"Sometimes...I wonder...if maybe I'm the reason you stopped smiling," she whispered, then she wiped her face with the back of one hand. "You think that you give me only pain, but I throw it right back at you. And I do it with the intent to hurt. I don't even have the excuse that it's for the...job. I do it because I want you to suffer. I blame you for all the pain that Section has dumped on me. I know it's not right...but there it is." Making her confession was like a cleansing of her soul, but it left her feeling empty and weak. And Nikita wondered if Michael heard any of it, and if he would care.

Michael Felt his body slipping away from here as his mind had already done. Wondered if she could understand what was happening to him, and why. It was so easy to control his fate. Would be so easy to just fade away. Michael wanted that, wanted it desperately. Yet he clung to life. And knew why. Nikita. He felt her. Felt her fear and her pain. Felt her tears as she watched him die. She cried for him and Michael was surprised. Nikita didn't love him anymore. Couldn't love him. Why would she care if he died? It was that question that drew Michael back more than anything. He had know why. Nikita held Michael in her arms He was so still and pale, yet when she took his hand Nikita felt warmth. Probably just her imagination, for Michael's skin was cold and clammy, but she believed in it.

Michael listened to Nikita's words but did not respond. Couldn't at this point. Just opening his eyes and making them focus was exhausting him. The darkness was reluctant to release him, almost as reluctant as he was to go. So Michael blinked again then let his eyes close. It was enough for now. And he carried with him the image of Nikita's smile as darkness dragged him down into it's warm void.

"It's okay, Michael," Nikita whispered, as she bent to brush a kiss to his cheek. "Sleep...get strong again. I'll be here waiting for you." Nikita let her tears fall now as she slumped back against the wall. But her fingers remained clasped around Michael's. A part of her believed that she was his lifeline, and there was no way in hell that she would ever let him go again.

Nikita was watching Michael sleep when she felt his body stiffen. His fingers gripped her hand like a vice and she cried out in pain. It was then that she saw Michael's eyes fly open, and pain shimmered in the silver-green depths. What Nikita didn't know was that it wasn't Michael's pain she was seeing. And yet a cold chill danced up her spine and she shivered.

"Michael..." Nikta whispered, as she felt his grip on her hand ease. "What is it?" She imagined that he had suffered a nightmare. But since he couldn't, or wouldn't speak, Nikita didn't know how to help him. She smoothed his hair back with a gentle hand and was pleased to see the pain fade from his eyes. The intensity of Michael's gaze unnerved Nikita a bit. It was as if he could see right into her soul. But she felt herself relax as Michael's eyes fluttered closed and once again he drifted into sleep.

But it wasn't sleep so much as darkness that Michael drifted in to. Only now it was a cold void and he felt alone. And that frightened him. He felt Nikita's touch on his skin, yet there was no warmth. It was then that Michael realized he would have to leave the void. If he didn't go back soon, he would lose Nikita. And an eternal darkness without the light of her being, was a hell Michael could not bear.

"Michael..." she breathed, then she bent and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Welcome back," Nikita said softly. She watched Michael blink at her and waited for more words. When he said nothing, Nikita realized that he must be thristy. She grabbed the water pitcher from beside the door and pressed it to Michael's lips. She watched him draw in a swallow then pull away.

Nikita believed she understood. She couldn't blame Michael for being tired of all the pain he had suffered at Section's hands. Even in the short time she had known him, Nikita often wondered why Michael didn't swallow a bullet after all he had been through. Just the stuff she had seen. The lies, the betrayal, the pain and loss. Simone, his son...and so much more. Add to that the pain she had caused him.

"For me," Nikita repeated, and let her tears fall. She accepted his answer without question. Understood it better than she expected she would. After all, she had given up freedom, of a sort, and returned to Section for Michael. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising that he would give up the freedom that death offered him for her. Nikita had often doubted that Michael loved her. But she did not doubt him anymore.

He smiled and she pulled him to his feet, holding him until the dizziness and nausea subsided, she then proceeded to help him into the ventilation shaft, pushing him along, they got to the shaft that connected to the outside, she softly opened the shaft and stepped out, checking for any guards, she saw none and turned to help Michael get out,

Michael was still in very bad condition, his skin was pale and it was covered with sweat, his breathing labored, he collapsed against a tree and she pulled him against her, letting him rest his head on her lap for a while, she sat there watching Michael as he stirred in his sleep, a frown creasing his forehead, muttering something. head moving restlessly on her lap, moaning, his breath coming quick and fast, fluttering eyelids showing only the white of pupil. She took his hand, holding it tightly in hers, her other hand going to stroke his hair, a slow steady motion.

Michael nodded and proceeded to try to stand, a wave of dizziness washed over him and Nikita caught him before he slumped to the ground, she slipped her shoulder under his arm and slowly they made their way as fast as he could go they reached the main road and hitched a ride to a restaurant where they took a bus and proceeded to go to section, they knew they had been missing for over 4 days and section would be sending the hounds after them soon.

She managed to pull Michael on the bus and Sitting in the back, listening to the squall of a baby and the shouts of other children, Nikita remembered how much she had always disliked riding on the bus, especially Greyhound, and sank back with a sigh. Beside her she could feel Michael trying to keep himself upright, head nodding, and she slipped an arm around his shoulder, drawing him towards her. For a moment, he resisted, stiff against her, then relaxed, letting his head rest on her shoulder, a sigh escaping him, and she carefully put her other arm around him, feeling him trembling.

He had to be in pain but of course he hadn't made a sound or said a word and he wouldn't either, not even up until the time that he collapsed. Aspirin wouldn't do a damned thing for him and if worse came to worse, she had enough money that she could maybe get him something for the pain, morphine was accessible on the streets and that would help him to deal with the pain...supposing of course that she could get him to take it. Another thing to worry about... She dozed intermittently on the three hour drive, both of them staying on the bus even through the stops to give driver and passengers a break.

Stop it, she told herself viciously. It's not going to help beating yourself up about this, it's not helping Michael and it's not helping you. Tearing her eyes away from Michael she looked up into the rear view mirror and her heart surged up into her throat as she saw flashing lights behind her, foot poised over the brake as the red lights came closer and the outline of a state patrol car filled the mirror. And then it shifted to the left, drawing alongside her, and her hands tightened on the steering wheel, an effort to not look at the patrol car because she knew the guilt would be all over her face.

Last thing they needed was to be stopped for stealing a car and get tossed in jail. The patrol car accelerated and sped past her and she sagged as it gave a burst of speed and soon disappeared into the darkness, passing outside the range of her headlights. Second one she had seen, the first had just passed her by, no lights or anything, but it had still given her a nasty start to see it behind her. She let her speed drop a little below the limit and wiped first one sweaty palm against her pant leg and then another, drawing in a deep breath to steady herself.

"We need to find a truck stop or a restaurant where we can ditch the car. Can get there another way..." Nikita nodded, thinking that she'd also watch for a Greyhound sign, better to get back on the bus again than to try to steel a car in a more rural area where its disappearance would be noticed all the more quicker. "How are you feeling?"

He opened the door and got out of the car; as she got out of the car, she didn't see him cling to the door frame for a long moment, a shudder running through him as he leaned briefly against it. Straightening he forced his fingers to release the door and managed to walk into the restaurant beside Nikita, her arm winding around his waist, allowing himself to lean against her. The restaurant reminded Nikita of Sully's Diner the retsurant she worked at while she was free almost 2 years ago and she experienced a sudden pang of homesickness, even though she hadn't been there that long, it had started to feel like home.

At 2:47 in the morning there weren't that many people in the restaurant,mostly truck drivers and fellow travellers, and they sat behind a burly truck driver complete with Skoal baseball cap and denim overalls, long black beard and wiry black hairNikita ordering coffee for both of them and looked overhe menu, lifting her head to look at Michael across from her.

The food arrived just a few minutes later but Michael was still in the bathroom and she glanced over her shoulder and in that direction as she took a bite of her salad. Maybe he was just cleaning up, it'd been a while since he'd taken a bath as well...she turned back to her salad, forcing herself to eat, took a sip of her coffee and then added more sugar to it.

"Michael, can you open the door?" Not a sound from the other side and she looked down at the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor, trying to decide whether or not she could wriggle under it. The truck driver had walked outside and Nikita gave the door a swift kick, it flew open she froze for a moment as she saw Michael slumped between toilet bowl and wall, head resting on one arm stretched across the bowl, the other clutched to his stomach, his rapid breath stirring the hair that had fallen forward to cover his face.

Kneeling beside him, Nikita drew his head up and her heart skipped a beat as she saw the blood on his chin, some of it still staining his lips, she glanced at the toilet bowl to see blood in it as well. She stroked the hair back from his face, finding his skin to be clammy and if possible paler than before, and reached over to tear a strip of toilet paper off from the roll.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, swallowing hard against another surge of nausea, his hand fumbling for hers as another spasm went through him, and she pulled him up, guiding him over the bowl and holding his shoulders as he started to cough and then to retch, the spasms shaking his frame.She steadied him until the spasms stopped and once done, he slumped back againsther, drawing in breath in painful sounding gasps as she wiped the blood from his mouth and chin, putting her arms around him and letting her cheek rest against his head.

She wanted more than anything to give in to the tears that burned in her eyes, tears of anger and frustration and grief, but it wouldn't do her any more good than it would do Michael and he needed her to be strong... Nikita reached under his arm and helped him rise, putting his arm across her shoulder and feeling him lean heavily against her, slowly taking him out of the bathroom and into the restaurant the waitress stopping to look at them, she looked around and told her to take him home, she would take care of the bill.

He smiled at her and kissed her palm, “ drive, we are 2 hours away from section we can make it. “ With that he slumped against her, unresponsive to the shake she gave his shoulder, and Nikita faced forward, reaching down under the dashboard to touch wires together and start the car, peeling out of the lot.

At section Operations was having a difficult time dealing with the situation, he had just been advised a couple of hours ago that Michael and Nikita had been missing, god knows for how long, the last time Andrew went to check on them was 6 days ago, Michael was responding well and recovering amazingly fast.

At their arrival Michael was gently pulled from the car and taken to medlab, she had followed beside him, Operations was just about to order her to debrief when George walked in and followed Nikita to medlab, Michael had been examined and then taken to surgery, Nikita had been checked and released from medlab 4 hours ago, surgery went well and Michael was now resting in his assigned bed.

She awoke when he moaned softly, Nikita Still holding his hand, she allowed her other hand to reach forward and trace his lips. She wanted him to know she was there...and the gesture was also one which was so intimate that she would not be able to do it when he was in section. she had nearly lost him, and she wanted to know he was still breathing..to feel his warm touch. As the tears blurred her eyes, her emotions got the best of her and she leaned forward...gently touching his lips with her own. That's when she heard him moan again.

Nikita nearly jumped up and down with joy but instead leaped off the bed and ran and called in the doctor. As they stood around the young man and began to make vital checks..she smiled. Especially when she saw that his eyes were open and he was staring at her...and a smile lit up his pale face as well.

She was here His mind, though still pumped full of pain numbing drugs, saw very clearly the young lady who Madeline smiled at and gave a small motherly hug too. His head hurt like hell, but he didn't care. His only thought was that Nikita was here, and she seemed happy to see him. it hadn't all been a dream these past few days. She had been beside his bed..touching him, yelling at him..begging him to live.

Michael smiled even more brightly...silently noting the confused look upon her face...he had never allowed anybody to see this smile. Specially at section,Yet his throat was very parched from the fluids which were continually being pumped into him, and he gently asked her to get him a glass of water.

"I will never leave you Michael...you too are the only thing I have left in this world. I....don't have anyting else..nor anyone. Only you." And as a gleaming smile crossed his face, she leaned forward and kissed him gently. The only thing which confused her as she pulled back to stare into his face were the tears which glimmered in his eyes...yet they were not tears of sadness. They looked more like tears of joy, of relief...but she pushed such thoughts aside, not knowing that those tears were indeed...Michael's own feelings shining right on the surface. Hope..something he had not felt in years filled him as she leaned forward to plant another kiss...perhaps he had not lost her completely after all. He would not only spend the next few months discovering Operations and Madeleine’s plan to destroy them, but proving to Nikita how he really felt..and showing her the light which did shine from him whenever she was nearby.

The many things that Michael had indulged himself in during his recovery was watching movies with Nikita, strolling through the park, and going out for pizza and ice cream. And during those hours spent with her, Michael had allowed himself to remember what it was like to actually be *happy*. He was thankful that he still remembered....how. he had just begun to recover his old stamina, the healing process far slower than he was accustomed to.

Morning came and with it a dull lethargy, legacy of the painkillers he'd taken the night before; turning his head slightly to look at the clock and seeing that it was 7:32, Michael was tempted to close his eyes and go back to sleep but he forced himself up into a sitting position, grimacing at the stab of pain from his abdomen, not so bad, he had endured worse pain, but when it had looked like he wouldn't be able to get some badly needed sleep, he'd taken the painkillers the Section doctor had thrust on him and sat in bed reading until he had fallen asleep.

Nikita had been sent on a mission early yesterday and all day he had been at the loft, watching t.v. or reading, but as night fall came he was startled by his phone ringing, it was Birkoff to advise him Nikita would not arrive, the surveillance had turned into a pick up and she would arrive sometime the next day, after that he had taken a shower, and laid down in bed.

He got up off the bed and a wave of dizziness assailed him, grabbing the headboard he lowered himself to the bed and took deep breaths trying to control the dizziness, slowly it faded and he was able to stand and walk to the bathroom, he showered and was shaving when another wave of dizziness assailed him, this time he was unable to grab on to anything, and he slipped to the floor, after it passed he slowly dragged himself back to bed and laid down, he fell asleep wondering where Nikita was and when she was coming home.

Nikita was exhausted, she had spent 18 hours watching ** Silvio Bonnaduce ** screw everything with legs, and then she had been ordered to capture him and take him to Madeleine, later she spent 4 excrutiating hours debriefing and finally was able to escape section and come to Michael, she knew he was not ready to be left alone, his injuries were just starting to heal enough for him to walk with out help.

Nikita could see that he was clenching the bedclothes in his fists, she rushed to his side he was obviously in the midst of horrific nightmares and she didn't know whether or not to try and wake him. Her mind was made up when she caught sight of his face, his cheeks were stained with the trails of tears and he was silently sobbing. She couldn't bear to see him like this without being able to comfort him, She grasped him gently by the shoulders and shook him harder and harder until his eyes fluttered open and he awoke with a start.

Michael opened his mouth to say he was fine but it was blatantly obvious that he wasn't, so he closed his mouth and just nodded reluctantly. Nikita passed him a glass of water and 3 pills. Then she went to the bathroom to get a damp cloth, she came back to find Michael sitting up but looking very pale. She sat down next to him and carefully pushed his hair out of his eyes so she could wipe his brow and gently remove the traces of tears from his face. He looked into her face, his green eyes glimmering with pain.

“ it went well, we had to do a pick up, but it went according to the profile.” Nikita stood and started to shed her clothing, he looked at her and carefully put the empty glass on the night table, watching Nikita strip was arousing him, he laughed at the idea of ravaging Nikita when he was barely able to move.

Nikita walked back into the bedroom and looked at Michael, she knew something was wrong and as she approached him she realised it, He was unconscious, not asleep, no signs of nightmares. she could tell by his immobility that he must be heavily sedated. He was so ghostly white, that it scared her.

She wondered why he was like this and immediately took the pain killers from the night table and examined them, she was right, the pain killers were not just pain killers, they were a special combination of pain killers and sedatives that Walter had told her about, she was sure of it, Walter had explained that they smelled like candy and oblong in shape, specially formulated for Michael, she checked Michael’s breathing and pulse, she opened his eye lids one at a time and noticed how deeply he was sedated, she knew that 1 pill was enough to snow him, now 3 would basically put him in a coma, she went to the bathroom and threw the pills into the toilet, took her cell phone out and called walter and asked him to bring a fresh batch of pain killers for Michael, she explained what she had found and he arrived a couple of hours later with 2 bottles of his Michael special, some pain killers specially formulated for Michael’s high tolerance of drugs.

Nikita got off the bed and moved to sit on the window seat, she turned to watch Michael walk unsteadily toward her and she scooted down to allow him to sit behind her He pulled her into his arms and she scooted back against his chest, he softly moaned as her weight settled in him, his barely healed injuries protested but he ignored them, he had his angel in his arms and that was all he needed.

Nikita rested her head on his shoulder and sighed softly. "When I was a little girl...all I could see was sand, Even on clear days, I still only saw and felt the sand which whirled around me. It was like a dark presence..always around me. And for the longest time, I was afraid of the dark. Because I could not see....see what was around me...I hated country living because you're out there..all alone..takes a good thirty minutes if you're lucky before the police or anybody can ever reach you. Funny thing..I felt safer on the city streets than I ever did at home..out there..in the dark."

"I think because in the light...in the city....you couldn't hide things as well, you know. If you screamed..somebody usually heard you and might react. Sometimes they wouldn't....but you had a hell of a better chance of surviving in the slums than out in a dark place where nobody can see you...or in a place where women are expected to enjoy such behavior. That's how it is out there...but in the city, you're more equal. You have to live together to survive...I suppose what I see when I look out here is the light..it comforts me. I'm not scared of much, Michael. I can face down guns, killers, tornadoes, whatever...and even in the city, I've learned to live in the dark...but nothing scares me more than sand and Cowboys..does that make any sense?"

" I understand Nikita. It was never your fault. But remember that you're strong now..you always have been. You beat living with your mother...living here..and living on the streets. You're the strongest woman I know...But, you're still human. Everyone is afraid of something...has something they'd rather forget...has had someone hurt them. If you want to talk about it..I'm right here.."

As she finished talking she felt him trembling beneath her, and she slowly turned to find him...silently crying. His face expressionless as she cupped his face in her hands but the tears were still streaming down his face. He couldn't cry for her now..not her Michael. Then he uttered some words which rocked her to the core of her being.

Nikita watched him worried. sighing softly she stood and walked to the kitchen and made herself some hot cocoa. As she was walking back to the window seat she looked toward the bedroom and froze, her eyes widened and her lips turned up in a bright smile as she noticed that the mirror reflected the image of a naked Michael as he stood at the sink, his head lowered and his hands shaking. sighing she shook her head.

When Michael had first come to Section One, Madeleine and Jurgen had been his first trainers. But then they had handed him over to Carl Vacko. He had been in the marines and head of a tactical team, so he already knew how to use weapons, was a black belt in Tai Kwan Do and a born leader. Perfect for Section's use. And he had taken Michael under his wing. At the time it had seemed a good match. But Carl had become obsessed with Michael, only no one had seen it. And Carl was too clever to let anyone see what was happening...until it was too late.

Carl kidnapped Michael to both punish, and possess, him. Nothing Michael said penetrated Carl's determination to punish him. And the punishment was harsh. Carl raped Michael. All the while whispering that if Michael didn't behave, he would kill his sister. After raping Michael, Carl walked to the back of the house and brought a little girl about 10 to stand before Michael on the bed, With a smile on his face, Carl shot the little girl in the head while Michael watched, bound and helpless. Michael had seen death in the other man's eyes.

But Carl had only laughed....then he pulled the trigger. Michael had screamed then, and not even realized it. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the blood that poured down the girl’s face. She fell to the floor like a rag doll, as if her mind hadn't yet explained to her body that it was dead. Michael had stopped screaming, and there was only the sound of Carl's laughter. The light of innocence that Michael had been clinging to so desperately, blinked out. And in that moment his soul shaded to black. Michael had killed, because of Section one. Because he had too.

She was stunned...not only by his admission....but by the fact that he had admitted it to her in the first place. He had just opened up a wall of memories which he himself had promised never to let break down...and now he was just staring at her with so much pain and self- disgust in his eyes that it broke her heart. He truly did understand how she felt...in a sense more than she did. But she had healed...or was beginning to heal with him. Now was her turn to return the favor.

The words echoed in his head so like all those Madeleine's had before as she had tried to break through the barriers he had put up. But Nikita's sank in....her tears against his chest penetrating into his heart....thawing the ice wall which had been there for so long. And he uttered the words which he had denied himself so long...words which almost seemed foreign to his ears.

"I know...I know it wasn't my fault. It was neither of our faults." She pulled him in closer and leaning into each other, they both cried until they fell asleep in each others arms in the small window seat overlooking the bright lights which seemed to loom beside them like a protective aura.

Nikita awoke due to the light hitting her eyes, as she tried to move she realised they had fallen asleep on the window seat and she was in Michael’s arms, she turned slowly trying not to wake him, his head was pillowed against the glass, his features were lax, deeply asleep, she reached out to smooth a stray lock off his forehead.

"Let's...just...say that it's the kind of full moon one sees when someone forgets to shut the bathroom door all the way after getting out of the shower." She laughed when Michael...actually blushed, a little. A tinge of pink stained his cheeks.. And he was speechless...looking back out the front window, he just replied.."Oh..."

They walked into the cabin and Nikita put their suitcase in the bed room, she went to the car to help Michael, she saw him already out of the car, slowly and unsteadily walking toward the cabin, she went to him and put her arm around his waist, he looked at her and put his arm around her shoulder, she took him to the couch and made him sit down.

Grey eyes shimmering with tears finally met hers, One trembling hand lifted, reaching to touch her and then drawing back...only to creep forward again and touch the tips of his fingers to her cheek. At the feel of her warm flesh his features spasmed briefly and he slowly extended his arms to wrap them around her, sinking against her and burrowing his head into her shoulder.

Leaving the cabin, Nikita followed the small path through the forest, pulling her sweater more tightly around herself in the chill of late afternoon. A sudden gust of wind lifted blond hair, sending it whipping around her face, and she tucked hair back behind her ears as she continued down the path, following it to its end.

In jeans and flannel shirt, hair touseled from the wind, he looked younger somehow, vulnerable, more open. Fragile...was another word that came to mind and an apt one to describe him at this point, though it sent a frisson of unease through her. Bit by bit he had returned to himself over the last five months, the childlike demeanor slowly fading, a melancholy settling over him. Some of his old calm had returned but it was a brittle calm, a thin shell over the still wounded spirit.

They had a little more than a week remaining...their vacation was almost over, Nikita thought that he was nowhere near ready to return to the Section. To a Section that would see him sufficiently recovered and proceed to use him once again, with no more thought to him than a child to a favorite toy recently broken and then fixed. And would be as callous in their treatment of him as that same child...

His shoulders hunched briefly, his only response to her presence, and at the call of a bird Nikita lifted her head to watch a loon skim the surface of the lake, the beat of majestic white wings carrying it up and up as it travelled, till it was lost from sight. Tugging hair back from her eyes, she turned her attention back to Michael's bowed head.

Nikita slowly nodded, understanding. "I'm your weakness." Bitterness rose in her as she remembered him saying that very thing, in the aftermath of a mission that had set him against his fellow Section operatives. And how he had said that if she had been anyone else...he would have killed her.

"loving me...it makes you weak, does it?" she asked tightly, pushing up to her feet and wrapping her arms around herself. Why had she thought that things might be different between them? That they could ever be different? She swiped at tears of frustration and despair, turning on her heel to stride away, to leave him there...

"Loving you...gives me hope." The soft sound of his voice drew her up short and she turned slowly to look at him, his cheek resting now on one knee, face turned towards her. Grey eyes met hers, calm, too calm, his voice soft as he continued. "Hope that I thought I lost a long time ago...along with what innocence I had. Hope I never dared to have...until I met you. I need you, I want you...and it scares me...because it leaves me open, vulnerable. Weak..."

Nikita shook her head, letting out her breath in an exasperated sigh as she sank down beside him. "Needing people--loving people--it doesn't make you weak, Michael. It strengthens you, bolsters you...it doesn't undermine you. You see this desire--this need--as a loss of control...but it's not like that. It's..." She paused, lifting her hands to inscribe small circles in the air, frustrated as she searched for the right words. "It's like a structure--for it to remain sturdy, it needs a foundation. You tell yourself you don't care...but if you really didn't care, would you still be with the Section? Would you do everything that you do day to day? You *care*, Michael--you *feel*. I know this...as much as you do." She slipped an arm around his shoulders to give him a hug, laying her cheek against the top of his head.

Slowly he raised his head, searching her eyes, looking for the least bit of doubt, and she held his gaze, showing him only sincerity and her belief in him. Hesitantly he smiled, a small smile, a sliver of the sun breaking through the clouds to give a glimpse of light, and Nikita put her arms around him to embrace him, the two of them sitting there on the bank of the lake for a long time.

They had a plan set in motion before returning to section, a pact with the very devil, but one that was to their advantage as well George, Michael had met with a contact and fixed it so they had to call this contact every day, and if either of them did not use the proper protocol and code the other would be advised immediately.

They spent their last 4 days of their vacation walking and talking, horse back riding, and swimming, Michael would read to her and they would make love like starving men, each precious touch engraved into their memories to remind them of the love they had for each other, Michael would always plan and protect Nikita and she did the same.

Their return to section was slow and depressing, each mile they got near section Michael got more quiet and his face started to fall into the expressionless mask he used, Nikita reached out and took his hand in hers, he turned and looked into her eyes, Green meeting Blue, she almost thought he would pull his hand from hers, but then he smiled, a soft lifting of the corners of his mouth and brought her hand to his lips, kissed her palm and wrist, and then put their intertwined hands on his lap.Nikita turned the radio on and a song was playing that made both of them stop the car and listen.

**** Oh, I really should have known by the time you drove me home, by the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes. By the chill in your embrace, the expression on your face that told me you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive. How to be insensitive. How to be insensitive. How to be insensitive. How to be.

Nikita closed her eyes and leaned into him, allowing her mouth to open slightly beneath his as he deepened the kiss. His tongue snaked inside to explore her mouth and she felt a familiar rush of desire wash over her. Her hands rested lightly against his chest as she allowed him to softly plunder her mouth and she responded tentatively at first, then more urgently.

“ Really? I heard that you are still not able to remember certain things, is that true?” she looked first at Michael and then at Nikita. god how i hate her, she has destroyed all our careful work, but i will never stop until she is destroyed and he stops loving her, maybe i should try the treatment on Michael? It could work. She smiled and slowly stood.

“ Madeleine we are fine, Nikita is fine and i am *FINE* do we have some briefing? We still need to get caught up, we have been away from section for 5 months” Michael stared at her as he continued his response silently. due to your wish to break us up Michael stood and took Nikita’s hand to help her stand.